Hi,

i've been in lovin relationship for the past five years with my fiancee. four days ago,i discovered that she was seeing another person. i found out by tapping into her email after i got suspicious of her behaviour. i know the 3rd party cos he was a colleague from her previous job. She had just changed her job about four weeks ago, that was when their relationship started.

She told me that it all happened when she was on the last assignment for the ex-company.things got very rough and he was there for her. She said that she developed feelings for him then. She had another rough day at the 1st day in her new workplace and she called the guy up and invited him for dinner. One thing led to another and they started becoming physically and emotionally intimate.

i am now in a bind cos although we have decided to work things out, i know that she's still thinking of him. we live together and still do, but the gap between the both of us is killing me. while i do not expect her to get over him that fast, i am feel that i'm drowning right now. i am willing to work things through with her...i am willing to give her as many chances as she needs...i am willing to be with her again,and i have told her that i will stand by her through this time and that i will win her heart again. But i do not know if she's genuinely and honestly willing to give this relationship a go. I do not wish to be a selfish person, i know that she's not happy right now but at the same time, i only want her to be with me.

please help...i know what i'm writing is not coherent but i am in a big emotional mess.i'm not someone who is able to articulate myself and writing this is a sign of my desperation and despair. there are many other things that i'll like to say here but it's not coming out...please help me.

Alonso,

Welcome to MB.

If your fiancee is truly serious about rebuilding her relationship with you then she must agree to end all contact with the OM forever. She must the OM a NC [no contact] letter that you will review and then mail it. In order to restore your trust in her she must agree to become totally transparent and give you access to all her e-mail accounts. In the meantime please get ahold of Dr Willard Harley's book 'Surviving an affair', 'His Needs, Her Needs' and 'Love Busters'.

TMCM

hi,
my fiancee has agreed to call it off with the other party, but it was made on my terms when the affair was discovered. she has agreed to cut off all communication with the OM,and even allowed me to check her mails, and her SMSes. Somehow,i feel bad for doing so. The OM called her up the day after she made the promise to me and she told him that she wants our relationship back together.

although we're back together now, in the sense of living together again. it feels as though there'sa bigger gap between the both of us. i know she can't forget the guy cos she's confessed to a mutual friend of ours,and i know she feels pressured by her family and me to mend our relationship. She now turns to work to run away from everything - her family,and me...when we see or speak to each other,she shows no interest and is in a rush to hang the phone up.

what can i do to alleviate the situation? i know this pressure is driving her away from me and I wanna give her space and time but i'm afraid that she'll walk away from me....

Wow, sorry to hear that man. I'm in much the same situation myself, though it was an emotional affair I went through with my wife. I feel exactly what you're feeling. Distrust, confusion, and fear all rolled into one! If I were you, despite your hurt, you may need to let this one go. Sounds like she's getting cold feet concerning the wedding.

You should really check out the Emotional Needs tests here if you're both serious about getting together again. My wife says she wants me back, but like your fiancee, she seems easily distracted at times, even angry. I am too however, so sometimes things aren't exactly as they appear to be. A clear-headed perspective is what you need.

Chances are, if you need to pressure her into the marriage, it's not worth it, unfortunately.

Good luck.

When is the wedding date?

In His arms.

hi,

i planned to propose to her on my birthday cos she was the one who did all the work planning for all my birthdays...i figured that it's only right that i'd do something for her as well, but now...

I dun know if she got cold feet cos she didn't know about my proposal plans, she only knew after the whole affair got exposed. that was when i told her about it...in great sadness.

i'm still stayin with her but we no longer share the same room. two days ago i made the decision to give her time and space even though it kills me to do so. i've now moved to the guest room until she can sort herself out. i did this becos i could sense her becoming more distant, and i know that it's because she's feelin pretty pressured right now. Pressured by her family and me.

I know she's an emotional wreck right now even though she's not showing it. she works late nights to get away from home and she avoids speaking to her parents. she's angry and disappointed that they got so pissed with her, and that they thought that she was with the other guy for money. i've taken great pains to speak to her parents and to let them know that money was never the case.

Her close friend and cousin have advised me to give her time and to be there for her. that's what i planned to do. sent her a bouquet of flowers to her office yesterday,and i pretended to be a delivery boy and delivered lunch to her today. when she got the flowers yesterday,she sounded genuinely happy. it was the first time since this whole thing blew up that i've heard her happy. i'm making alot of effort to try to be there for her - something that i did not do for the past year, and i hope it works out.

i'm still an emotional wreck albeit a calmer one...what should i do next? i'm still lost and confused. and i fret about her next move and her thoughts.

"I dun know if she got cold feet cos she didn't know about my proposal plans, she only knew after the whole affair got exposed. that was when i told her about it...in great sadness. "

Ow! That's hard to hear.

Well, if you're insistant on staying with her, she's either really sorry she's still with you and not the other man, or that she's upset that she hurt you and is ashamed. Which do you figure her for? I would continue to comfort her, and watch for serious signs of depression. For now read this and all related links. It will help you out as well during this time.