I haven't posted in a while, but I still read from time to time. As typical as it seems, my "recovery" was only a smoke screen. WH was home for about 3 months, then ditched again when OW decided she wanted "a real relationship" after a year of back and forth with my WH and her fiance. Loooong story short, she dumped him (again) about 10 days after he left us, and has been with her fiance ever since. Needless to say, her fiance is still in the army, now stationed at Ft.Bragg in NC, and only gets to see him on select weekends and holidays.

WH still maintains "it's not what you think, it's not like it was before".....blah, blah, blah. Through my various sources, I know that he's trying to maintain a friendship with her, although he dropped quite a bit on her 20th bday for flowers and gifts (and that's just what I could see on credit card transactions, GOD only knows what else was spent in cash).

I had been keeping a plan Aish relationship with him, but no more. It finally sinks in with me, Plan B is for me not just to show him what he'll miss out on. I just can not stay in neutral anymore. I have already made up my mind that right after Christmas he's getting Plan B. I'm actually anxious and can't wait for the holiday to pass, because I am really ready to let him go and move myself forward with whatever future that means.

In case you were going to ask, I am waiting for the holiday to pass first for the sake of my 2 youngest boys. Right now, things are "good" on the surface and I want them to have a nice time. I know that WH will be an a$$ after I "cut him off", and he probably won't see his boys much at all.

So, there it is....no tears, no fears. It may have taken me longer than most, but I am really feeling it. I know I can do the best plan B, because I need to for my own emotional wellness.

Hope all is great for you!!

-Christine

Hi Christine:

I don't know if I should think of it as GREAT or not to hear from you. I think I would much rather it be true that you were living "happily ever after" and did not have to show back up here reporting such awful news.. That would be in a FAIRY TALE WORLD, wouldn't it...

I love your phrase... PLAN Aish RELATIONSHIP...LOL...Is that A- or B+...not quite "cut-off"...? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

It sounds like the most valuable aspect of PLAN B for you right now would be to lock away for safekeeping the love that you have left for him...

My Goodness..that OW is nothing but a child.. but also a HO....and he is like a "dog in heat"....

YUK....

Let us hear from you...we will be here to support you....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, Mimi

I told you my after Christmas plan B plan.....well last night WH throws me for a loop. We're just casually talking and he asks me what I think if he started seeing a counselor. He says at first for him, but eventaully for us. I can't believe it! I was completely shocked, as he's never been one for that - he's even refered to it as "horse hockey". He says that he has deep love feelings for me and is still attarcted to me, but he wants to try and make sense of what he's been feeling and doing. He talked vaguely about OW sitch, and did say that he was begining to see the light. He cut me off when I said that I know he has feelings for her, by saying "that's no excuse".

Well? Is this a good sign or just another momentary lift in the fog?

Insight and opinions are very welcome.

-Christine

Christine:

As you well know, I agree with the Harleys that an A is an addiction. So, as long as he remains in contact with the OW and has not gone through withdrawal, he remains a WS in the fog...

I definitely feel that your WH's A is an addiction. He is addicted to the FEELING that the PYT is giving him....YUK...

The goal of a WS in the fog is to maintain contact with the OW, to continue to get his fix...

However, being the CAKE-EATER that he is, he wants to hold on to you to..since he hasn't gotten her to fall for him..since she is continuing to PLAY HIM...like young girls do..remember I have 23 and 19 year old sons..I know about this age group.....

This being said...I see this as being a stalling tactic on his part....

My FWH went to a therapist for several sessions..I'm not sure what they talked about..a complete waste of time and money..he left one session, picked up the OW and spent the entire weekend with her....YUK..I guess he used the session to convince himself that was the best thing for him to do that weekend..

This being said..recommend that he have a session with Steve Harley..or that you both have a session with Steve....

Better yet, ask him to do the NC LETTER and THEN go to see a COUNSELOR to HELP HIM THROUGH WITHDRAWAL FROM THE OW...

If he refuses the session with Steve and/or the NC LETTER, I would proceed with the PLAN B PLAN of yours...

Let me hear from you, Christine...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I already asked him about MB MC, and he said he would find his own. I will talk about the NC letter and see what he has to say about that.

Thanks

Wonder why he wants to find his own????

The right answer: This is more BULLCRAP....YUK....

Regardless, I am sticking with my Plan B right after Christmas. I'll be the happiest Plan A gal you ever did see until then.....gotta go out on a positive high note. I bought him some presents that will blow his mind!

He told me today that he's been thinking about how I love him, and it "messes" with his head. LOL That would be your consience (sp?), jacka$$