My Ex has left the state. Her friends, (our old mutual friends) invited me for a social outing this week. It’s the first time I’ve seen any of them since are separation in June. I’m kind of hesitant to go since the mutual friends consist mostly of her friends including her best girl friend. However, I’ve always thought that they were a fun bunch of individuals and I'm flattered that I've been invited to one of their get togethers.

I’m just confused on what people do in these particular circumstances. While your married I’m sure you have instances where you and your signficant other had mutual friends.

If I go to the function then I’m sure her friend will tell my EX everything I’ve been up to etc. Plus I expect it will be a little uneasy for me since most of these people are/were her friends.

If I don’t go I may lose the chance to grow a friendship with these individuals even though they still maintain contact with my EX. I think I need to do more things socially, but I’m afraid that hanging out with our old mutual friends may cause too many triggers with me. Any advice, what would you do?

I don't know much about circumstances with ex; however if you like the mutual friends; then go have fun. If they didn't care for you, they certainly wouldn't have asked. If you feel uneasy during this function - you are now equipped with that knowledge and can base your next decision accordingly.

BTW: Some of my ex's friends, who became mutual have nothing to do with her and consistently ask me to join them on similar outings. We still have fun and there is no problem otherwise.

FR

Based on this:


and trying to personalize the situation for myself... I would say NO, don't go. I'm not sure what the purpose is, if they are essentially HER friends, and it's kindof strange if you haven't seen them since June. You don't need to grow a friendship with them. I mean, why do you need that? Grow a friendship with some OTHER friends - YOUR friends.


I agree... this is possible.

Politely turn them down, and socialize elsewhere, with your own group of friends.

hugs,
Faith1

Timn,

I would go... When my X left everyone knew what she had done and they rallied around me. Her friends invited me over all the time. All of our mutual friends invited me to do things also. The first couple of times were hard for me but now, I have a gas when we all get together.

All, and I mean ALL of my X's friends were so disgusted with her that they now have nothing to do with her.

You don't have to answer any of their questions. Go and have fun.

Timn:

I agree with BHINWI. Go. I had a similar experience and all of our mutual friends rallied around me. Now, she is left with he married boyfriend and none of our mutual friends will talk to her.

Just go, have fun and if you don't want to answer any questions don't. They will respect that...they are your friends after all.

I would go.
Is this catty?
I would go, whoop it up, show how happy I am!!!
If anyone you don't particularly trust asks, just tell them you are so over that-it's past history, and then ask what's up with them?
I wouldn't ask anyone about her. I wouldn't let anyone tell you about her...
And you if are uncomfortable once you get there you have this new freedom...leave. go someplace else.
I would at least feel 'em out. What have you got to lose?

So this means you go... You will show a lot of integrity if you say NOTHING about her. Our mutual friends (while now MY mutual friends since they abandon my X) have taken me out many times and I say nothing about her. Even her best friend from high school (with her husband) go out with me. She also lost her best friend - boo hoo!!!

I wonder if she thinks it was worth it?

All my friends from before the marriage dissappeared. I am only left with a few guy buddies from before the marriage and new friends.

If it were me - I wouldnt go. You said so yourself "Divorced - it's over and my life has now begun" begin a new. Everyone is different, but thats what worked for me. I surround myself with new people places and activities ad that has led to an outrageously fulfilling life I wouldnt have otherwise knew. There are some good friends I have taken into my "new life," but only the very closest of friends - which it sounds like these weren't for you.

Most importantly, its your call and you call all your own shots now - great feeling, right?! So you do whats comfortable for you. I just see some of my peers who are divorced and surrounding themselves with past just seems to make them dwell. am only being so vocal - because of how you catagorized your new life <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />