I am sitting here with a pile of paperwork from the wife's lawyer. She always said she would destroy me and take me for all I was worth if I ever divorced her. I think that really is her goal.
My first post was in Emotional needs about 2 months ago. I accurately stated what it was like living with her and got a bunch of responses that it was an abusive relationship. I was expecting a bunch of suggestions on what to try to fix things. I was surprised at the replies.
I gave it a little more time and then she started saying she felt physically threatened by me. Now, that was a totally insane and new accusation. She has threatened to kill me before, hit me and verbally abused me for years, now she is saying I physically threatened her. I called my lawyer buddy and he said she was setting me up for a domestic violence charge and to get out right away and take a witness so she couldn't claim I hit her. So thats what I did, I left and I felt sick about it. Still do too. I just didn't have any options.
I taped about 3hrs of her screaming at me over the phone before I left. Things like me leaving socks in the floor, not hanging a picture right, little stuff that happened literally 15 years ago and some more current complaints and accusations. I played about 1 hr of the tapes for a counselor and he said she was abusive, degrading, and that "no human should have to live with that." He said she was projecting her flaws on me and that she is probably needs medications but couldn't be sure from just audio tapes. He said she is also either paranoid or lying about some the things she accuses me of. The counselor said I should have left years ago. I just wanted to make sure one more time that it wasn't me.
All my friends that have watched this play out over the last 10 years say its the worst marriage they have ever seen or heard about.
She told a girl that just vaguely knows both of us at the mall last weekend that I had left because I didn't want the responsibility of being a husband and a father anymore. I don't know where that came from either. I love my kids to death and see them as much as possible now. I miss them so much.
The amazing thing to me is that I got served papers that accuse me of emotional cruelty, and that was the day after I took the girls out to buy her a birthday present. The irony is just sick.
So, my questions.
Do you ever know for sure you did the right thing in leaving?
She is charging me with emotional cruelty partly because I didn't have enough sex over the last year. The reason for that was she told me all I did was pester her for sex and actually said, don't talk about it, ask for it or try to start it, so I agreed to only have sex when she verbally said she wanted to. Then she threatened to kill me in december last year if I ever cheated on her and accused me of doing so with real and ficticious people. I lost all hope after that and didn't want anything to do with her even if she tried to start it. Was that emotional cruelty on my part?
She is telling everybody I must be having an affair cause I didn't want her anymore. Is it common for people in abusive marriages to just not want sex anymore? Is it understandable? She is trying to use that as proof of an affair to her friends and family. For me, I didn't want to be in the same room with her, much less have sex. And there is no affair, real or fictitious.
How much should I tell of what really happened to my family? They want to understand but I have hesitated to tell them for fear of them hating her which won't help anything. If they knew all the details, I know they will hate her. I have told them some of the little stuff and that was enough of a reason for them, but I feel guilty for not telling all of what has happened cause they think there is more to the story.
And her family, who used to think the world of me, now think I am the devil himself. They refuse to believe she was abusive, but I have audio tapes that prove it.
Should I send a copy of the tapes to her family? I am considering it because maybe they can get her some medical help.
Thanks.
