[color:"red"]Romantic Relationship Attitudes Questionnaire

Please answer the following 30 questions *true* or *false* ....

this is from the book

Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders[/color]

1. If I am getting less than I need from (name) it is reasonqable for me to expect him or her to sacrifice his or her happiness for my fulfillment.

2. Romantic relationships require a certain amount of give and take, but what I give to (name) should be worth what I take. In other words, I should be able to get out of this relationship what I put into it.

3. If we are right for each other, (name) will not want me to change.

4. I will be in an exclusive romantic relationship with (name) for life.

5. I am willing to sacrifice my happiness once in awhile to satisfy (name) if he or she is willing to sacrifice his or her happiness once in awhile to satisfy me.

6. I should do for (name) only whatever comes naturally for me.

7. Our romantic relationship is fatally flawed if (name) does not accept me as I am.

8. The goal of my romantic relationship with (name) is for us both to be happy and fulfilled with each other. As such, we both must learn to do everything with each other's interests and feelings in mind.

9. If (name) expects me to do something in return for his or her care of me, we are probably not right for each other.

10. If what I get in my romantic relationship with (name) isn't worth what I give, he or she should give me more, or I should end the relationship to find someone who can give me more.

11. Solutions to the problems that (name) and I face should be long-term solutions that satisfy both of us.

12. (Name) should not expect me to have a permanent romantic relationship with him or her.

13. Criticism from (name) should not cause me to try to change my behavior. It should cause me to consider ending our romantic relationship.

14. If (name) has a problem with some aspect of our romantic relationship, we should both work together to find a solution that we can permanently adopt.

15. Even though I am presently in an exclusive romantic relationship with (name), it's reasonable for me to compare him or her to others who may meet my needs more effectively.

16. (Name) and I should learn how to make each other happy without sacrificing our own happiness to do it.

17. It's reasonable for (name) to expect me to do something in return for what he or she does for me.

18. The decisions that (name) and I make should make both of us happy and fulfilled.

19. If (name) criticizes me, it means that he or she is probably not right for me.

20. A short-term sacrifice may be necessary for me to learn a new habit or create a lifestyle change that accomodates (name). But if I am not eventually happy with the habit or lifestyle change, I should not continue to make the sacrifice.

21. If (name) criticizes me, he or she simply wants me to give more to compensate for what I am taking from him or her. It's reasonable for me to give more to him or her if I feel that he or she is giving enough to compensate for me to make the change.

22. If (name) wants me to do things for him or her that I do not feel like doing, he or she is probably wrong for me.

23. The mutual enjoyment and fulfillment that (name) and I share is more important than what either of us regards as fairness.

24. (Name) may be right for me now but may be wrong for me later if he or she meets my needs now but fails to meet them at a later stage of life.

25. When my needs or those of (name) change, an adjustment in habits and lifestyle should be made by both of us to accommodate the new needs, so that our romantic relationship can be fulfilling to both of us throughout life.

26. (Name) should not expect me to have an exclusive romantic relationship with him or her.

27. My romantic relationship with (name) should last as long as I think it is fair.

28. I should be in an exclusive romantic relationship with (name) only as long as he or she is meeting my emotional needs.

29. If (name) were critical of me, it would indicate that an adjustment of my habits and lifestyle are required until tha change would satisfy him or her.

30. If (name) is right for me, he or she will make me happy without my having to put much effort into making him or her happy.

[color:"red"] scoring key to follow on another post..... [/color]

link to part one....

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...ID=#Post2872905

[color:"red"] here is the scoring key ...

add the number of *true* answers for the following questions:[/color]

[color:"blue"]4,8,11,14,16,18,20,23,25,29 [/color]

[color:"green"]1,2,5,10,15,17,21,24,27,28 [/color]

[color:"purple"] 3,6,7,9,12,13,19,22,26,30 [/color]

[color:"red"] which color has the largest total of your *true* responses? [/color]

[color:"blue"]Buyer [/color]

[color:"green"] Renter [/color]

[color:"purple"] Freeloader [/color]

[color:"red"] .... now here's MY kicker question (not found in Harley's excellent book) ....

Who went through the questions ~the first time around~ answering for your spouse instead of answering for yourself???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

I did it for DOrk and for me. BUt what about the False ones? I am confused.

Dork:
Buyer 7
Renter 9
Freeloader 9

Me:
Buyer 10
Renter 1

Rest of mine were false.

What does that mean? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Additional aside:

If I gave this test to FWW she would scoff. She would say something about it being no different than one of those love tests in Cosmo.

She would not agree with anything related to the premise in the first place.

Not a Buyer, huh?

only score the *true* responses

you OK?

Oh, yeah. More ups and downs. Maybe more downs than ups, lately.

Getting near DDay 2 anniversary, too.

Lots of weird dreams the past few weeks.

But I'm OK.

Thanx for asking.

What I wrote is true, though. She does not think analyses like this apply to her. Never has.

1. Nope.

2. Nope. My math skills aren't up to that kind of scorekeeping anymore.

3. *insert sound of snorting cola out nose laughing*

4. Yes. His, b/c I'll kill him if he cheats again. Just kidding. My actual answer is NO. I will be in an exclusive romantic relationship with Clark until death, or until the relationship becomes a threat to my long-term well-being and health.

5. No. I'm not willing to sacrifice my happiness strictly for his happiness. For one thing, he's notoriously bad about remembering to pay back IOUs.

6. No. I like stretching my comfort zone and trying new things.

7. See, this sort of comes back to the cola-snorting question. Do I expect acceptance in the I'm OK-You're OK sense? Yes. But I also expect that I have some annoying or downright unhealthy habits that it would be natural for him to desire to see change in, and vice versa. I think spouses naturally do and probably should prompt growth in each other.

8. What does it mean when you disagree with the first sentence but agree with the second one?

9. If (name) expects me to do something in return for his or her care of me, we are probably human beings.

10. No.

11. Yes.

12. (Name) should not expect me to have a permanent romantic relationship with him if he also expects to continue pursuing an addiction that is hazardous to my mental and probably physical health.

13. No.

14. Yes.

15. No.

16. Yes.

17. Reasonable, yes. Realistic? Debatable. Accurate? Probably not.

18. Yes.

19. If (name) criticizes me, it means that he probaby has a firm grip on reality. I ain't perfect.

20. Yes.

21. No. More scorekeeping. math=bad.

22. If (name) wants me to do things for him or her that I do not feel like doing, I probably need a nap. J/K. No.

23. Yes.

24. No.

25. Yes.

26. No.

27. No.

28. No.

29. No. Sometimes it just means he needs to get over it.

30. Dammit. More cola on the computer screen...

Waiting for the answer key with bated breath! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This is not a “foolproof” test. It is intended to be a part of a professional assessment, according to Dr. Harley.

He says:

“You will probably have several true responses in more than one category. This will happen because none of us is entirely consistent in his or her beliefs. And it is also possible to have interpreted a question in a way I had not intended."

[color:"blue"]If (name) criticizes me, it means that he probaby has a firm grip on reality. I ain't perfect.
[/color]

YOU make me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I scored as a Buyer 10
Renter 4
Freeloader 0

Just answered for my self.

JP "Waiting for the answer key with bated breath!"

it's the 3rd post on this thread .... go look

I came up a Buyer. Second most answers: Freeloader.

And the thought of taking the test for Clark never even crossed my mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Buyer = 10
Renter = 6
Freeloader = 1

Answered for myself

I scored as a Buyer = 9
Renter = 4
Freeloader = 0

Only answered for myself although I know my H is a buyer and probably have a similar score than me.

Buyer - 9

Renter- 2

Freeloader - 0

Took it for myself...

Thought about taking it for WH but the answers would be diffrent for him depending if I took it as he is now compared to a year ago....

But I would say without even taking it for right now in this time period he would be a freeloader...

I scored buyer 9
Renter 0
freeloader 1

I did not try to answer for stbx, I don't think I could even begin to get into that head! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Buyer - 9

Renter - 1

Freeloader - 0

I would hate to know my results to this test during my A....the answers would have been VERY different <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Me

Buyer - 9
Renter - 1
Freeloader - 0