Has anyone gone through recovery sucessfully without the help from a MC? Is it possible to recover without one?

We kinda went without MC. For us, our marriage was not in jeopardy to the extreme as others on this site (even though she had an EA/PA for 3 months), so we had one session of MC. The counselor (who became her IC) had determined that we did not need MC but definitely needed IC. Need to see what makes us tick and why we do what we do.

Since then things are so much better between us.

ps - Chicago weather today is once again dismal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

lost tiger

My h refuses to see one. We saw one a year ago just after d-day.

He went down hill more and more, until he had an affair and left.

He has been back for almost 6 months now...almost 1 year from my d-day, almost 6 months from his...

We still have our down days, but we are doing really well. I seeked out a spiritual councellor and continue to grow on my own...H is growing slower, although I do see a bit of change here and there.

But I would say we are on a good path to recovery...not 100% there yet - but 80-90% there.

I think it depends on how much you can change and sacrifice for your goal...alot of people aren't willing to for their goal, and need that marriage coach to coach them, give them examples, be the mediator for poor conversations...

If the two of you can actively look and see where you can change, and keep your goal in mind - you could do it.

BUT in all honesty - I would STILL go to a MC if my husband would. I think there is so much a MC could help us with...we don't have a lot left - but a 3rd person's input and opinion on things may help certain changes...

Thanks guys for answering...
haven't had much luck in finding anyone good yet...one made me feel like i was crazy for feeling what i did when i found out about my H A and the next one was the opposite extreme in that she seems to be very bitter and anti M.

H is willing to go, so in that aspect i am fortunate.

Hopeful: Weird Chicago weather...who would have believed that just yesterday it was so warm and today hints of snow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> At this point i prefer the cold to the wet mud my dogs were tracking in mud the last couple of days my carpet now has a nice doggy footprint pattern <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hi Losttiger,

My wife and I went to see our pastor after her affair (D-Day 3 months ago).

Love my pastor dearly but he was absolutely no practical use whatsoever to us at all.

The only thing that is getting us through is this site - the FAQ's and books. We are in Australia so I purchased the HNHN and LB audio courses. If I was in the US, I would go to the MB weekend.

It can be difficult to find a pro-marriage MC. Have you considered telephone counselling from the Harleys?

Status of our marriage is not firmly in recovery. After 3 months it would be arrogant to say we have recovered but it sure feels like we have. (things were very bad 3 months ago)

So yes, I think we are doing very well without a MC. But when my wife committed to working on our marriage after she had left to shack up with the other man, we were both pretty highly motivated to do whatever it takes to recover.

i have thought about going to the MB weekend. I had asked about it here a few months back and didn't get much feedback as to weather or not it was worth it. Pretty much they said that to follow the books was the same. I thought that maybe spending that time to really concentrate on us and find some personal hints on working on it would be good. Funny you mention it because i was thinking about it again. Problem is that the next one is in San Fransisco and that is where he went to see the OW. I thought about going with him there and remake San Fran about OUR memories and take it away from her.

The books may give you the same value as the weekend in the long term - but I think the weekend will definitely kick start your recovery.

I definitely agree about reclaiming some lost ground and establishing your own memories too.

You can recover without MC or the weekend. But why not give yourself the best chance you can and help things along. I am glad for the books and audio courses but I would go to the weekend in a heartbeat if I was in the US. In fact it is not totally impossible that my wife and I may decide to fly to the US from Australia to do that weekend!