I thought that I was doing pretty well, but now I am not so sure. Frankly, I am more scared today than I was on and immediately following D-day.

I'm not 100% sure, but I think that I am falling out of love with my FWH. Over the past two years, I have accepted that I loved him even though he had hurt me so deeply. From the very beginning, I ceased to trust him.

Even more important to me than trust, is respect. Unfortunately, I have none of that left for my FWH either. More and more as I look at him, the only feeling I seem to have left is disgust.

I don't think that this is merely about his affair. What I have learned is that his affair(s) were merely the symptoms of a profound lack the qualities that I value the most.

I always believed that my FWH had those qualities that were most important to me, which is why I loved him. Now that I realize that he doesn't have them, I don't think that I can continue to love him.

This is so hard. After all of the soul searching, hurt, pain, and tears we have gone thru trying to save our marriage, and now all I can think of is how I can escape.

Starting over is never easy, but how can I remain with him knowing that the love is gone. Can I find it, or should I even try?

Your love bank is getting seriously in the red. I suggest you call Steve H @ MB to get a recovery plan 4 u 1st.

I am not saying to save your M. I am saying for you to get a healthy recovery plan 4 u 1st. Any M recovery will require the restoration of respect, trust, POJA then love. Yea..... the real ILY's come much much later.

JMHO,
L.