Hi everyone, haven't posted much lately.....my life seems to be going down the drain, so have lurked a lot, but not much to contribute. Anyway, I need some ideas re. books from all the readers out there. Not only good books on affairs, but mostly ones which talk about what I can do to help myself heal the pain, to move on. I know this is a marriage builders site, but I have tried everything in my power to try to rebuild my marriage, and I was the faithful one. My H has basically given up on us, is not at home, and I am finding it hard to move anywhere away from this pain. With or without the OW, seems like out marriage is over. I am a big reader, so any ideas about making myself feel good, about healing when the marriage seems to be over, or anything else which might help me, I would love to hear about.<P>I can't get back to respond again tonight, as it is morning here and I have to go off to work, but will check in again when I get home. Please, lots of ideas .....I'm clutching at straws just trying to find a way to hang on.<P>Thanks

I know this is not very helpful, but don't read "Second Chances". I read some of it last night, and it is the most depressing book I have read since my H's affair started - her major examples include two incredibly narcissitic men whose ex-wives have not recovered in the ten years since the divorce, and her recounting of the devastating effects on the children in her study has caused me to just about lose all hope that my children will ever be normal, functional adults.

sosad,<BR> Sorry about your situation.I'm in the same boat.But"Private Lies"by Frank Pittman is a really good book on affairs,and the aftermath.I'm also reading"Grow Up"by the same writer,about taking responsibility for yourself,and maturing.You can order both of them from Amazon.com.Another good book I got at the bookstore which would be good in your case is"The Language of Letting Go"by Melody Beattie.Take care. --Murph

Oh SoSad -<P>I am so sorry that you are having to be in this mess....I'm here in it too, so I know you're feelings.<P>I have just ordered the same books that Murphy told you about. They look pretty good.<P>I figure that even if this is the end for my marriage - I want to take this as an opportunity to learn all I can about relationships and what to do, watch out for, avoid and be able to fix for my next one (if there is a next one!!).<P>Knowledge can't hurt, right!!!<P>If only our lunkheads would realize that you can't just leave problems unresolved and escape by moving on.......<P>At least we know what we need to be prepared in the future...we won't necessarily make the same choices or decisions like they might.<P>HUGS to you,<P>I'm going to keep praying that these spouses who are just running away, come to some sort of understanding about themselves and their avoidances.<P>Who knows, Miracles do happen!!!<P>Sheba

sosad, my heart aches for you. Been there! I know for me the book of Psalm's has helped me. There are good books out there, the best being the Word. One old one I have is "You Can Be Emotionally Healed" by Morris Sheats. This book covers everything from emotions, memories, wounded hearts, broken dreams, and much more to the causes of depression and how to receive the greatest benefit from your problems. I pray God will bind up your brokenheart and will comfort you in your mourning and that he will give you beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;that you might be called a tree of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3. Psalms 34:18 God is close to those with a broken heart. Psalms 147:3 He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds. He will do the same for you. I went through a devastating D 22yrs. ago, a total shock as I left for a week and came back to find him with another women. He told me, he had no children with me, our son was not even a year old. He sold everything I received in our D (his divorce) and tried to take my car, which me and our 3 children were living. I was devastated. He turned me in to the Child protective services because I had no place to live. I found a place to live. I started to go to Church. I went with a group of Christians to a restaurant where he showed up and sat accross the room with OW. I was paralized. In my brokeness I was led to the Lord. This all occured within a few months. I spent my time in the Word and God healed me. I even witnessed to one of the women my ex. was seeing and she came to the Lord. His Grace is sufficent. His arm is strong. His love is deep. I hold no resentment toward my ex. and still pray for him. If you read one of my postings I stood for that marriage for a long time and grew in the Lord. I do not regret this as it was a most wonderful time with God. Although I did not learn all my lessons about relationships, this time around I am learning them quickly. I know to keep my eyes steadfast on him and to wholly depend upon him. Through all our storms of life he is there to steady us, to give us peace if we will lean on the Master. I will continue to pray for you. I pray he covers you with his blood and comforts you in his arms and hold you close to his heart. Love, peace and blessings. Ginn

Thanks everyone ...will reply properly later....just nipped home in my lunch break, checking my email, and thought I'd check back here. (I only work 5 mins away.....I prefer to lurk here from home .... too busy at work).<P>Please keep the ideas coming.......<p>[This message has been edited by sosad (edited September 29, 1999).]

Ok, thanks everyone so far.<P>Nellie - I certainly won't read that book ....!.....! Thanks for the warning.<P>Murphy - have ordered Private lies, but the book sellers over here seem to have a hard time finding some of the books that are so avaliable to you guys .... so I have to wait..... ordering them through Amazon costs too much in shipping for me. Both the other books sound much like what I am looking for .... thanks, will try to get them.<P>Thanks sheba, as usual, I appreciate your thoughts.<P>Ginn7777 - The book you talk about sounds very much like one I read called "heartwounds". That was really good. I'm afraid I must be one of the few around here who isn't a christian, so I don't have the faith like you .... sometimes wish I did, but worked that one through years ago ... just not for me I guess. Doesn't make me any less of a beautiful person inside though....Just that I have less to help me through all this. Thanks anyway.<P>More ideas pleeeeease......<p>[This message has been edited by sosad (edited September 29, 1999).]

One of the best books I have read for ME is "When Am I Going to Be Happy" by Penelope Russianoff. <BR>It is very straight forward. An easy read and it gives 4 basic concepts On how you can help yourself.<BR>a lot of good ideas that are easily incorporated in your life.

sosad<BR>go and get "the relationship toolbox" by robert abel. this book will do you wonders. hang in there and if you cant afford the book, let me know and ill buy you one and ship it to you, its that important. ill pray for you tonight like i do all my "advisors" on the MB website.