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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 7
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 7 |
I have written a letter to the OM's wife since I don't think she really knows what has happened. I want her to know what he has been doing behind her back, but also do not want to cause the pain like I have been feeling.
Do I send the letter? It's burning a hole in my desk.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715 |
Would you have wanted someone who knew what was going on with your wife to have told you?
I know that I wish like anything that the people who suspected something in my wife's case would have spoke up before I 'caught' them.
Yes, she'll be hurt, but it's not you that's causing the pain...it's her WH. Think about it.
Send the letter. Copy OM's family, friends, boss, etc....copy your wife's family and friends as well. This is called exposure, and it's one of the most effective ways of ending an affair.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Posts: 27,069 |
crushed man - I say don't send the letter. I NEVER advise not sending an exposure letter. But what would be the point? The affair was 10 years ago.
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,088
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,088 |
As long as the letter is truthful and not purposely maligning I would send the letter. The wife of the OM needs the truth in her life now so that she doesn't have to go down the road and face a ton of issues later on. Better to face a small hill of pain than a large hill of pain.
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412 |
10 years after the affair ended....right before Christmas? yikes....no, I'm with believer on this. The first of the year is better timing to drop such an old bomb. If the affair was ongoing....sure...but you've waited a long time, another month would be less traumatic to whatever children may be involved.
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,088
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I must have missed something, where did the 10 years after come from? When was disclosure?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Askme, go look at his profile.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2005
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OK...I didn't look at his profile either. If this is based on an affair from 10 years ago, and they've had no further contact since, then by no means would I send that letter.
If they're STILL in contact, in any way even just as friends, then I would send the letter as a warning to OMW.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
See, I think the right thing to do would be to tell her. I don't know if I would have the courage to do it, though. [to my great shame!] I very much agree with starfish that it would be kinder to wait until after the holidays. One more month won't make a difference. ALSO, it may turn out that she already knows.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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