Today almost killed me.<P>My W shared her Harley letter with me last night. Most of it was right out of the SSA book (thanks Dr. Harley). She asked me to mail it on Wednesday (tomorrow). For two weeks she has been telling me the end was coming. Since this is the 5th time we have "ended" this her approach was a great concern to me. I have asked her several times if she was sure she was going to be able to do this without seeing him. She assured me she had no plans to see him again. Last night she seemed pretty distant. When I asked about her plans for her day off today she didn't have much planned. Then I called at lunch time - no answer. Same for the other calls from then till 3. Then, at 3, I got an email from our home PC saying she was home. She never emails me from home. I knew she was hiding something. What you may not realize is that she was not hiding anything - just didn't want to have to face me. I called her and with little effort had her tell me they met at a local shopping center. I immediately hung up. I began shaking and didn't stop for about 2 hours.<P>She had set this up knowing she planned on ending it the end of this month. She says she thought about canceling but just couldn't. The purpose of the meeting was not to end it (as I assumed) but she told him she had made a decision and he didn't want to discuss it.<P>I had planned on working late but came home (being wasted). My W had taken my daughter to the beauty shop. I called the OM. I was a little POed. I asked him to tell me what happened today. The shopping center thing sounded a little fishy but he corroborated her story. I told him I am not one to threaten but this had gone on too long and if it didn't stop right now, it was going to get ugly. Told him I was prepared to talk to his employer and planned on calling his W every time I was unsure of the whereabouts of my W. He was very remorseful. He said he can't continue hurting people. He said he has a very hard time living with himself. He agreed it had to end. I told him no call tomorrow to discuss my call to him, no call next week or next month to see if she is doing OK. No call in 6 months and no call in 6 years. No call at all. He agreed this was the only way. I told him I love my W and I'm tired of having her hurt - even if she is as much at fault as him. He admitted several times that he knows their relationship can never become anything. I told him if he cares about her he will let her go and stop continuing something that is hurting her so much. He agreed. We were in complete agreement (just like the first time I talked to him 3 months ago which lasted about 8 hours) on everything. In the end he apologized and I accepted his apology.<P>My W came home just after this and after greeting the girls we talked. I asked her what she felt I should do. She said she knew I was upset about her lying and all but she wanted to continue on with the plan she had in place. She wanted me to send the letter and work on our marriage. I admitted that I assumed today’s meeting was her way wanting to end it in person vise sending a letter. She said she felt this was just one item on a checklist of several things she needed to do on the way to ending it. I told her how hurtful it was that she continued to lie. In the end, I held her (reluctantly) and admitted that I was happy that things are still on "track". I told her I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck. Like a guy who had been in a 30 minute fist fight that could barely stand and had just gotten clobbered again. I am still trying to process all this but am feeling a little better.<P>Does this sound like good news to any of you?<P>Sailor<P>PS - SHA - thanks for your continued encouragement and response to my other post of a couple of days ago.<BR>

My H says he still feels like he was hit by a mack truck... but it does sound like a positive move your W is making. It was brave of you to contact the OM, and I'm sure that made you feel better...<P>I read your post and wasn't going to reply because I am a W who betrayed. Your story touched my heart though, and you sound like a forgiving and caring man. You remind me a bit of my H, and I hope that your W can remember why she loved you in the first place...<P>Best wishes to you <P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

Hi sailor. Although it might not look so at first, I think it does look encouraging. I wouldn' put much into this meeting ( as if it's possible ). She's willing to follow a plan - it's even good she has one, my h had nothing was winging it from day one )<BR>I woul djust wait and see for a while. <BR>Take care<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Sailor, <P>Yes!!! This is good news. I know you are going throough hell, but what woman wouldn't want her guy to stand up for her. She will thank you some day for this. You have tremendous courage in confronting the OM. Your comment about "this has got to stop or it's going to get ugly" was right on the money! You were civil but straight forward. Sailor you are fighting the good fight! We are in your corner. Keep it up!<P>I firmly believe your wife is letting go. Albeit very slowly, but remember as hard as this is to hear she does have feeling for this schmuck and withdrawal is painful. Your time will come. The feelings your wife has for this loser WILL fade. Her feelings for you will escalate. The way you are handling yourself through this, I'm confident her feelings for you will be stronger than ever before. Hold on buddy, I'm hoping that Mack truck has hit you for the last time.<P>SHA<p>[This message has been edited by Sir Hurts Alot (edited September 29, 1999).]

Thanks you guys. I talked to her on the phone today and she seemed somewhat down. I asked her if she was feeling OK and she admitted she was feeling a little down but that she expected to now that withdrawal had begun. But when she got home she seemed better and, without prompting said the OM never called her today (I told her I called him but didn't go into detail about "threatening" him not to call). But I'm sure she is figuring my call had something to do with it. I must give some credit to some of the posts I seen recently about contronting OMs and OWs. I still don't think it is a wise thing to be doing as adaults bit it did make me feel better, and I think is the kind of thing my W responds positively too (I'm sorry to say).<P>I'm feeling better and your comments are one reason. I really do feel this is it. She says she is going to try her very hardest to make this it. Of course I believe her. But of course I know she could fail but I'm not thinking about that. I'm doing my best to let her know I love her and am here to help any way I can. Thanks again for your support.<BR>Sailor<P>PS - I have been reading a few Q&A posts at the Vaughn site - don't recall that site having much substance - maybe these are new. Some are pretty good.