My ds and I had a wonderful time visiting my sis and bro in law! my bro in law took the boys 4wheeling..sat night we went to a bonfire party at one of his partner's house and there was also a fireworks display and a band...then we all bundled up, hung out at home, and just relaxed...we bought a christmas tree for our grandparents and surprised them by dropping by unannounced and putting it up and decorating it!

Everything changed about 3 or 2 pm on sunday though...I was eating lunch with my sis and our kids at a restaurant. cell rings. It is darth. He is asking immediately this, "why aren't you already on the road home? You are going to be out too late with ds? He has to be in bed by 8 pm or else!" He began freaking out on me and my sister thought he was insane.

I drive home. It's maybe a four and a half hr ride. My ds falls asleep promptly at 7 pm...get him in bed at almost nine, but he's been asleep for 2 hours already.

Next morning as per our working agreement, I drop him off at darth's for school...darth drives him to school so we can let our ds sleep an hour longer...darth goes in later than I do also..and we're presently five minutes apart in distance.

everything seems fine.

I go to work. about 2 pm I access a voice mail saying that my son was "too darn sleepy at school" and that he was TAKING my son after school and ws almost there and that my ds would NOT be going home with me as per our custody arrangement. I totally freaked out. He had totally lost it! He openly violated our custody order...and swore at me using language I haven't heard..well..since I left him.

I contacted my attorney immediately. we were beginning to do "contempt" charges (third time for this since I filed for divorce) against him. Darth freaks out, calls me off and on, yells at me, and threatns me legally. I tell him that he is grossly in contempt that the courts will not let him be judge and jury and after his behavior this summer (ow who's 21, the drama of affair and bad behavior again)the judge would be good to just let him see son instead of him having the custody he had now.

I cried for 2 hours after my shift was over..my director stayed with me...he talked to attorney with me and we began a game plan...again...

suddenly without warning yesterday, Darth backs off after I tell him that I will be waiting at son's school, have documentation and attorney knows that I am 100 percent right and clear about this...darth backs off and acts as if HE HAD NEVER DONE ANY OF THIS AT ALL...very very wierd.

director at work and my sister come up with reasons...and they all rotate around one thing...HE IS MISERABLE IN HIS LIFE...thanksgiving would have made a 10 year anniversary of our engagement..would have been a milestone. that he's angry and he hates himself and his life.

today it all makes sense.

Today is day son is supposed to go to darth's house for the visitation. darth calls me about 2 pm to ask me to "go and get son b/c he is unable to do so b/c of a nonspecified reason"...hmmm????? I say that I will always get our son as he is my top priority.

I pick up ds in car.

DS says following upon entering car. Mommy! Daddy and FV were yelling and screaming at each other this morning! (I dropped ds off to darth's at six am..yelling and screaming at six am??) He said that Fv was yelling and calling daddy all bad bad names (son's words for cussing)...and the kicker...FV CALLED MY DS A DIRTY NAME...AND DS HEARD IT! supposedly darth went ballistic on her yelling at her and saying "do not speak about MY son like that again".

so here it is.

Darth's marriage is crumbling. I have son again tonight. I am on call (pray that I do NOT get called in ok?). Darth is probably moving this things out of the townhome now as I suspect. Only time I got son back during visitation was when they separated for a week or two during the summer. Once again, I got stuck with dealing with a wacky wS again on monday evening...which I will NOT do again without my lawyer at side.

This post is for all WS...all of you.

If you believe your sham of a relationship, the affair, is gonna be something spectacular..just like outta the movie "Yours, Mine and OURs" you have another thing coming! there is always unfinished business...unfinished feelings..emotions and closures left incomplete...and in the end, it is your very affair which will kill your relationship...it's very conception.

My family was torn apart by infidelity, a feeling of entitlement from a Ws, and two outta control people...a WS and an OW.

HIs affair marriage is horrible. He is so miserable it is sickening. It was so sad to talk to hm today. I understand him...his pain...but do not wish to walk that road as he is nowhere broken...and is toxic and harmful to others also. He acted so nice today and yesterday...like 2 distinct different personalities.

Print this off and if your Ws thinks affairland is so great...then tell them about this family here in GA.

I know that I did all I could do. I have peace. and thankfully tonight, my ds is with me, away from the affair household with all its instabilities, insecurities, and blown up ego's.

I’ve long had the impression your WxH has far too much time and money on his hands.

Are there drugs or alcohol involved?

So how long before you hear from FV? Start a pool?

Peach- Sorry to hear about your holiday. Atleast you did have some quality time with your kids!

Even before I read it, I knew he was acting out of hurt. Obviously that does not make it right. It is just the only thing he has left. You are right. He knows he made the mistake of his life, and now there is no way back.
HIS _ELL IS: The realizatin of of knowing he lost everything that really mattered and there is no way back for him.

God bless...

Dazed

you'd be correct aphelion..he has both..too much time and money (although he has hidden it away from lawyer eyes)...

I do NOT think I will be hearing from FV b/c of her words about MY son this early morning.

If she does call, I would love to invite her over...

and serve her..

a "handburger"! A whopping helping...and maybe I will help her "deflate" a little as well! call it an early christmas gift for her.

for the swearing about MY child! True colors of the OW are showing!

she gets NO help. NO sympathy. NOTHING! and niether does he for stupidity and inability to lose ego and come to terms with what is wrong or what is right.

Or I can use the joke from the Dave Chappell show...where he was pretending to be Rick James in a fight with Eddy Murphy's brother Charlie...

anybody remember?

I will paraphrase and add in her name!

Hey fv!
What did the hand say to the face?

SLLLLLLAAAAAAAAP!

Peachy, I'm sorry you and DS had to live all that drama again. You stood strong, and did well.

Lady

“…although he has hidden it away from lawyer eyes”

That’s rather difficult to do for long these days. Especially since 9/11.

Are you entitled to some of that pie? Just tip off the IRS. They will be all over him like the proverbial flies on poop. The IRS just loves x spouses.

Then tell your atty.

Wow, peach... that really bites. Poor l'il peach, too!

Other than that drama, I hope you guys had a great holiday!

Peachy,

I'm so sorry that you continue to have to put up with this [email]cr@p.[/email] If it wasn't for Darth and FV acting up and you having to hear about it you would have a peaceful life with your DS.

I just can't believe what goes on in that house that DS has to hear. Poor kid. Thank goodness he has you to come home to!

Alph.

My dear peach,

Boy the drama doesn't stop does it?!?!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Darth is getting only a fraction of what he deserves. But for the OW to call your child names is well...... time to put her on record as an unfit......human. Remember she was conceived in the mothership 2! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Darth wants misery.....he gots it. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Glad u had a nice time with your family. Hope I get some pixes soon!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

Peach

I read your post last night and I am still pissed off. Your ds is/was such a sweet well mannered, polite little guy and for him to hear an "adult" call him a bad name is totally uncalled for. Give her a slaaaaap for me.

tdr

Thanks friends..

seems my xh is in full AFFAIR mode...it is so now clear to me.

He calls me at six thirty. I am eating sushi w/a girlfriend after work. He asks if I can have son at four pm saturday b/c he has to go (note his words) to sec championship. I say, "Darth I have a date already but I will cancel for my ds". He asks wierdly? "A date?" I say yea. He says nothing. He then goes on to say quietly, "It is either ds is with you saturday or he stays with FV and her son (from prior bf)." I say that son would want what? Darth says that ds would like to be with ME....YEA DARTH SAID IT! DS WOULD RATHER BE W/ME! and that I was taking ds to see santa at lake lanier! Son is obviously talking to Darth..

Then darth says this...and I am reporting this to the attorney and am journaling this..."Ds and I are going to however, have some ALONE time tomorrow and go four wheeler riding and hang out." I ask if this is ok since it is a legal school day? Darth says it's OK if it is OK with HIM..

do you all guys get it now?

Darth is in full affair mode. FULL affair mode. He is sending ds back to me all the while...I do not mind...but I am journaling and see his ercactic behavior!

He does not remember how adept I am at psych. He can't fathom it apparently.

He does not also get the fact that I am not a dumb xwife who does not understand life.

I get his actions.

He is going out for SECOND time this week...and giving ds back to ME.

Sometimes I want to cry. I think how my xh threw his entire life away. How he thinks at times I AM STILL THE ROOT of his problems...then realizes that I AM NOT THE ROOT OF HIS PROBLEMS...and still creates MORE problems...and then cries about it..and then sends ds back to me.

He tossed his entire life away. In a split second. for what? For a darn 16 months maybe marginal at best with a washed out...YEA FV..I AM GONNA SAY IT...A WASHED OUT SLEAZY MEN'S MAG MODEL WITH NOOOOOOO FUTURE AND A SLEAZY PAST...for nothing! For not wrapping up his willy when he should have! And did I mention she has NO BRAIN AT ALL?

I don't know whether to cheer to attorney or to cry. It is so awful. Tonight when he called and I was at sushi, my buddy Sue said "wow...he is so nice. Why is that/" I tell her. She says that he sounded sad that I was going out on date saturday. My friend offered to watch ds so I could go out.. I said NO! I said that ds and I were going to see santa at lake lanier! and have a great time!

IT IS UNBELIEVABLE...how a WS will act when NEVER ALLOWED TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM. I know I will or possibly get hit by a two by four for this one..but some of these stupid WS need to get there! It is important that they see the only way back to wholeness and peace of mind is to their families. It is NOT thru the OP!

My xh has been obviously suffering somewhat. I see and hear his pain. I see and hear his anguish...and yet, still after all this time, my xh thinks the arguement is with ME INSTED OF THE OTHER WOMAN...BUT KNOWS NOW IT IS WITH THE OW.

His attitude tonight showed me that. He called back a second time at sushi. He said that ds would really enjoy that time with me. I say that I know it. He said more about SEC game. I say to buy his grandma a sweatshirt for it. He says he is thinking of taking his grandma. He thanks me for remembering how much she loves his college.

It is so damn sad. I know what is happening. He knows I know what is happening...and our family is so broken apart. And I am not able to repair it at all.

I try to fix people. But from the inside out. I can't fix my xh. It hurts that I can't. But I am not infallible. I am not wonderwoman. I take my cape off after my time at the hospital is over.

Gosh I hate this for our precious son. It is his dad's deal. I know now this whole divorce, without a doubt in my mind, could have been avoided had his dad thought for a second...just thought one second..and been willing to listen to the harleys...he refused to have even one session with steve. he refused to listen for one second to something that could have changed our future.

now we're ok. ds and I are fine. but our family structure is and will forever be different b/c of his dad. His dad. and for NOTHING.

CAN SOMEBODY MAKE ME GET OVER THIS?

I don't get how to get over this whole tragedy! I try. I date and am moving on well with my life. But I see the horrible acts and continued circumstances constantly! Geeze...I would need to have on my side the channeled spirit of Johnny Cochran at all times to quell the issues that go on with my xh.

It needless to say doesn't get easier. I at sometimes see the pain my xh is in. I hear it in his voice. I know when he is lying to me. I know him far too well. As well as he knows himself. One thing he is honest about...is that when he is unable to be a decent father, he sends ds to me.

My xh may swear at me, say horrid things and lie to me and be horrid....but he deep down knows I am NOT THAT AT ALL..after all how and why would a man give his only son to a woman who is NOT a good mom? NOT turn him over? He does willingly.

The ONLY reaosn as per my attorney that darth did NOT give my ds to me monday evening is b/c his life was so darn miserable....he was sooooo darn angry that he had to lash out at somebody...and he CHOSE ME...

DARTH CHOSE WRONGLY.

I am not nor have ever been his enemy. I am the total enemy, the infidel to all the affairees out there though! I shamelessly say that I hope my words or the shortcomings of my xhw can break down as many affairs as possible!

I hurt so much to see this happen. But in my heart and most importantly in my mind all along, I knew this would happen. That his dad would self destruct, and the affair marriage would quickly crumble in all the deceit and in its shameful beginnings.

And I predict sadly, that his dad will soon be unable to care for him as his life will spiral out of control. I hope and pray I am wrong. I do still love the man I once married...even though it is far away and deep down buried. Not the WS that lives, but for the man in my heart that once lived...but is now gone.

CAN SOMEBODY MAKE ME GET OVER THIS?

I don't get how to get over this whole tragedy! I try. I date and am moving on well with my life. But I see the horrible acts and continued circumstances constantly! Geeze...I would need to have on my side the channeled spirit of Johnny Cochran at all times to quell the issues that go on with my xh.

Wow peachy, I hear your anguish. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I wonder if you should plan B him again. What I mean is get an intermediary to handle any conversations between you and him from now on. This is not healthy for you and takes you back time after time it seems.

You really don't need to know what is going on in his life anymore, and you need to be protected from knowing...somehow.


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Lady

If I get an intermediary as per my attorney it would do NO good. My xh and I do not conversate on a regular basis. The ONLY interaction we have is usually 1)intiiated by him and about ds or is about 2)residual finances by the divorce.

I need to know of the volatility of the affair marriage b/c it is now directly impacting my ds.

I want to so be done with him! But I love my son too darn much and nobody else wants this darn job! It is too darn expensive to have attny be the intermediary! It is a good idea though...but I need to know what is happening in ds' life now. I need to try to protect ds as much as possible...and also to keep my attorney...my NEW attorney in the loop.

Thank you for your loving words...yes it still hurts.

but then again, as it seems, my xwh seems to find a way to almost at least 3x a week talk to me a bout a matter involving ds or something. My friends and family think xwh needs a peach fix. I am not in this business.

Peachy, I understand as long as ds is there you need to know what is going on.

I wish I had a answer for you, I hate to see you continue to go through the hurt.... 2 yrs later. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Lady

song I just heard on my evanescense cd. I should buy this darn cd for darth for xmas...here it is.

"Everybody's Fool"

perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that

never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me
you know you've got everybody fooled

look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now i know she

never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled

without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie

i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don't love you anymore

it never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled

it never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
somehow now you're everybody's fool

but then again, as it seems, my xwh seems to find a way to almost at least 3x a week talk to me a bout a matter involving ds or something. My friends and family think xwh needs a peach fix. I am not in this business.

Yes, that's what I was thinking too. It's not healthy for you.

Lady

The song sounds just like him Peachy.

you're right. I think it is not good. Not healthy is a stretch b/c I am quite ok. I am however, still dealing with how to raise a child in the best possible way despite his dad being a WS. That is the challenge today.

I hate the choices his dad makes...but they are NOT up to ME. Not anymore. I see the destruction in the aftermath now. Everybody does. His business partner's wife said same thing to me a few mos. ago. It is like watching "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" or something..but now I have learned that the Alien is somebody I have to learn how to from time to time be able to speak to and get thru to.

I am lucky. I am a girl with a decent profession. A ds who is the most wonderful child in the whole world! (to me that is...aren't our little ones great?) And a DS that loves his Mom dearly! That is all I could ask for. I have been dating now...have had a decent bf, (recently slowed up things...and may date another now...am still wierded out at being single)and am relatively happy. But in the dark of night...when I am falling asleep...I think of how sad my former life partner is. I never left my vow. He did. And sadly I know he wished it were different. But I also know wishing and DOING are two distinctly different things.

My ds needs peace and tranquility in our home life. So I make sure he has that. Lots of love, room to grow, and be simply happy and be a kid. That is what I offer him. And a love that is strong and unchanging.Despite whatever I am handed in life, I am so blessed to have this child in my life...

We will have a great time saturday evening! I am planning for that. I love my ds. He has all the good parts of my xh and I...and a boundless little heart in him.