For those of you who are well into or nearly done patching up your relationships, did you find that some issues were totally unresolvable?<P>I ask because during discussions with W, it has become obvious that there are a very few issues she has with me that there seem to be no resolution for.<P>An example I've posted before is that I once playfully hid from her while she was looking to see where I was. She just wanted to know, there was nothing she particularly wanted to say. When I admitted hiding from her she went ballistic. Two years later, it draws even more anger from her than it did at the time, even with my apology the day it happened.<P>Now, she brought that up the other night along with another issue she says is related. She told me that she considered these to be evidence of my "perverted" nature.<P>Since she doesn't go along with my explanation of events, how would a couple resolve this? I could just play along to maintain peace and admit that I'm perverted(which I'm not) or I could continue to insist that there was nothing but fun involved(childish, I know).<P>Anyway, this seems to be something that can never be resolved. Has anyone else experienced something similar when dealing with issues with their spouse?<P>

Heartpain,<P>There are no unresolvable issues in life...whatever we create for ourselves we can create a solution for...it only needs the intent to do so...or the wanting to resolve it.....<P>Your W seems to be suffering from insecurity... lack of self worth... lack of self validation...lack of belief in herself...<P>There is nothing you can do except state the truth whatever that was...and if her picture of that does not match she will have to deal with her emotions that are driven by some of what I have mentioned there... she is the only one who can fix that...all you can do is to be there and support her where you can...<P>When she can fix her world inside she wont have to try to get the world outside to act according to the picture she holds in order for her to be happy....her happiness will be coming from within instead and she wont be bothered too much about how the world outside behaves, it wont be able to affect her peace....<P>Pain and discomfort (unhappiness) usually drives us to look within eventually and thats where counselling, therapy or introspection can help...<P>When we dont look within we continue to look outside of ourselves for the elusive happiness and peace we seek...such as affairs, hittin the booze, overwork, doin drugs, and any other thing that will dull the pain that keeps prompting us to look within...<P>Stay positive and keep having fun..she will eventually see the truth of it if it is genuine fun...dont sell your positivity out to replace it with someone elses negative picture no matter who they are...doesnt make sense for both of you to be angry resentful and unhappy over something that is meant for joy....<P>cossie<P>------------------<BR>To know who you are is to see who I am....<P><p>[This message has been edited by cossie (edited September 28, 1999).]