[color:"blue"] Guys - how many of you have been "expected" so do small repairs or even big ones at a girlfriend's apartment or house?

How did you feel about it?

Did it ever get bad enough that you hesitated to go over her house because of her "todo" list?

V. [/color]

Just what kind of repairs are we talking about here?

Examples, please.

Also, what happens after the to-do list is completed. Is there genuine appreciation on her part?

If so, what are you complaining about?

Get your tools and get on with it, man!!

Oh, I get this one. Recent BF must have been burned by XGF's because I couldn't get him to do really small help around the house after even 11 months. Now, I'm talking about helping carry the patio table to the basement. Far too much to ask of this guy.
I think everyone has their own limits, and what some think is OK, may be considered codependent by others.

I'm not a man <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> so my perspective could be WAYYYY off... but....

my xBF LOVED coming over to do stuff for me for 2 and 1/2 years. It was not major stuff. Not big repairs, and it wasn't frequently. We are only talking about changing lightbulbs (they are high), catching a mouse, car repairs, fixing a leaky toilet, installing a new thermostat (even right after I dumped him! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />), mowing the grass, moving furniture, moving stuff to/from the attic, cleaning house, adjusting the satellite dish, adjusting the water heater, etc. He loved doing these kinds of things for me. And every time he came over, he took out my trash. He ALWAYS offered to do these things, NEVER complained, said he loved doing it.

He always got plenty in return for it. He was spending time with me, and felt rewarded for doing something for someone he loved. In addition, I ALWAYS treated him like a KING at my house, so he enjoyed JUST being there. I also helped HIM in some ways - one way was going to work with him on weekends when he did his own side-work. It was time we could spend together, I was showing support, we spent hours in the car together having fun and bonding, and it made his work easier and faster, and made him more $$ (which was good for both of us <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />).

I was probably spoiled by him. They may not all be as good as he was. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Personally, it would make me feel great if a girlfriend asked me to help her out around the house. But hey, we are all different, right?

To Faith.

Why did you dump the guy if he was so great?

just curious.

I've never run into troubles getting a man to help with small stuff around my house. It's a guy thing...they like rescuing the woman so to speak.

I did it. I offered, and GFs were usually happy to let me help them.

I liked it. It made me feel wanted, it made me feel useful, it made me feel manly, and it made me feel closer to my GF.

It never went to the legths of having me do her To Do List. That would be a big turn off for me. I'd like to help, but not be a servant.

Very true.

killerjoe,


It's a little bigger than this... but without threadjacking or getting into a big explanation, it basically comes down to his kids. They are more than I can handle. Part of that is me, and part of it is them (and yes, the way they were raised, so part of it is him). They are a handful, and a lot to ask for someone to handle, and I couldn't take it on.

I'm sorry I hijacked. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

C'mon men... I'm interested too! Give V some more feedback! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Well, I'm no men either! Isn't it funny that I'm even here reading?! Sorry v!

Here's what I'm going to say anyway!!

In the book "5 love languages" it talks about "service". I LOVE to have things done for me without my asking, but then feel guilty, like something is expect in return. I want it done out of the goodness of the heart.
Some men I think, enjoy giving gifts of service, and I think it depends on the man... right?
And the woman if she is big enough to say "thanks" in her own way...preferably that the man would enjoy!! ; )

I don't have "to do list" for BF, but when I need help with something like ceiling fan installed or garbage disposal need replacing, I just ask BF. In turn I show him my appreciation by making his favorite meal for dinner and a nice back rub.

Now BF does take out the garbage and help cook or cleaning up, checks air pressure in my tire and minor vehicle maintenance without me asking.

I do cook big meals and usually give him left overs so he does not have to cook when he's having a busy day at work. It's just a give and take for both of us and it works very well.

We were both givers in our previous marriages and when one of us do something for the other, it was hard for both of us to accept in the beginning of our R....but we are learning and appreciate each other without taking things for granted.

[color:"blue"]I've never run into any trouble with that either. I asked this question because I was curious about how many guys start resenting being asked to pack their tool kit for an overnight with the girlfriend...

V. [/color]

for those of you that know PT1....i would do anything that she asks me to do if i am able and capable of doing it....and she does the same for me though the things i generally need help with involve sheer strength and i would nort ask her for help but she offers all the time...it is a give and take here and i dont think either of us keep score or anything....we just enjoy each other and helping each other as we are always here at the vacation destination or at her place....we cook for each other ...pick up stuff for each other at the store ...i do stuff for her at her place (install ceing fans...ect) and she helps me with little stuff around the waterfront and in the house ...heck, she even cleaned this mansion 1 time....

Gosh, isn't he the sweetest? Our relationship certainly isn't perfect or free of the usual frustrations, but he's right, he even changes the oil in my car, notices when my tire is flat, and I try to help in ways that I'm better at - computer stuff, or just remembering to pick up things for him at the store when I'm shopping for myself. I think/hope we try to approach life as a team. If the people who love each other don't help each other, who else is gonna do it? Seems like the rest of the world is ready to tear you down.... We don't need that on the homefront too. I do have girlfriends who take advantage of their handyman boyfriends, however, and try to get as much out of them as possible while they can, so you have to find the balance.