Tomorrow is the day 3 years ago that my husband would walk out the door and forever change the course of our lives. The journey and the ****** I would have endure is still on going. I am in the process of moving out of the house and finding myself going through emotional ups and downs. I don't have any desire to work on this marriage and don't have the love I once had for my husband. He is still carrying on as if he is single and has gone so far as to list his picture looking for other women on an adult website. I hate where I am in my life all because the man I made a vow to couldn't keep his end of the bargain. If he ever wanted to get out of the marriage and sleep around he should have done so or at least be up front and tell me where his mind set was. I'm still not even certain if the woman he left me for 3 years ago and lived with for 3 months, if the child she had is his. I just pray all the time that God will come to my rescue and help me in every way.

2hurt,

I definitely think 3 years is long enough. If he has a listing on any web site then he isn't being faithful to anyone. He obviously isn't the same man you married. Some people change for the worst.

Are you divorced?

2Hurt2C,
I'm sorry for your pain. God is there for you now. God uses these times to make us stronger, bring us closer to him.

The other thing I remind myself when I get overwhelmed by it ALL, is that this life is NOT about me & my FWH and how wronged I've been or how much it hurts, or why it happened, and so on. It's about me & God, and him & God. It's about forgiveness, learning to love and comfort in the aftermath of sin as I have been loved & comforted, be peaceful in the face of stress, and kind in the face of hurt, to be joyful in the face of pain, and to exercise self-control about the feelings I have for OW even when provoked by her! That's what really matters, that is what it comes down to when we die, and God cannot and will not forsake us, betray us, lie to us, or hurt us. God is love. God is truth. Whew, I love that about God.

You are right, there is no mistaking it. Your WH did things he should not have done, lied, left you, disregarded his vows... and I hope for his sake that someday before he dies he repents for what he has done.

But for you I hope that you can move beyond the pain into the life God has ahead of you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, it gets better than this.

MSA

Thanks for your words of encouragement. I do take time to stop and count my blessings and I am grateful that in spite of my own issues God is still graceful, forgiving, and granting me favor in ways that I never imagined. I am in utter turmoil at times mentally and spiritually but I try not to let my struggle become my story. I used to have such great faith and a good prayer life. Now I feel completely lost. I know God has not forsaken me but I have turned away because of not being able to see through the pain of it all. I will get through this and I do know that. My mom has said that a year from now I will probably feel much differently. I hope she's right! Thanks again.

No, we are not divorced yet. I will file in January. If I could have done so earlier, I would have. Money is the issue in filing. Hopefully that will not be a problem and can get the assistance for no charge.

2Hurt2C

I just would so highly recommend the devotional "Streams in the Desert" - it was such a precious lifeline to me during the darkest days, always reminding me of God's presence and His design, and His love for me. Really encouraged me, gave me hope and helped me see some reasons for my suffering. It's available in paperback & hardcover, it's just a little daily book by L.B. Cowman, a new version is blue & black on the cover.

MSA