stu....

Perhaps I didn't appreciate what I had and my shallow understanding of love offended him, so now I have to go through the worst and hit bottom to eventually realize what it means to treasure and cherish what I have/had...

I am with you....I feel like I had something and only now that he is gone I reallize just how much he means to me and how much I want him to be in my life..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Van, I'll try to be more active, sometimes I feel like I'm just whinning b/c there really isn't awhole lot I can do right now.

Stu....have you read my thread lately <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />....hey sometimes I am just there whinning away.....this is why we are here stu to help you get through the day.....last night I chatted with Eav...and I got through another night....I felt better, got some sleep, it helps....don't need to do that every night...but it helps when I am in a panic....so hang out here if you feel panicky....

I know what you mean, sometimes I feel like I am waiting for the ax to fall <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />! Any day now he could tell me to stop calling him.....but he has not yet.....and now I am at a point where I am done analizing his actions....I came to realize I don't know what he is thinking....I accept that his bad mood cannot be always about me (what an ego I would have no <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />???) so I just listen to him and see were we go. Last night we started out kind of shaky, he was kind of tired and a bit moody, but I did not let it get to me and we ended up having a nice time...he was even sort of goofy ~ the way he would be with me....I love when he is like that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />! He can be so sweet in his goofiness. He has his funny ways....makes me feel good that he still felt comfortable to be that way around me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />....he does not show that side with others (at least I have not noticed it in the 4 years we were together <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I can easily get myself confused)...........

So hang in there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />....type away...even if noone replies right away....we'll get to you soon....I wrote like 4 post one after another last night <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.....

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thx Daisy, I just don't know if other people get tired of my posts bumping down other more important threads...
Anyways, went to the Gym today (part of my 180 plan) to do something opposite of what I've been doing. First time in a long time, feel a little better. Hope to be able to sleep tonight w/o Lunesta.

hey stu.....

well, I don't know about people but I am here reading ...since we do seem to have a similar story....i.e. no idea if an A exists or not......I just wish I knew one way or the other...but I opted to spend my money to see a friend and have a break.....

Your thread has been helpful to me...

Anyway, going to the Gym....hmmmm...that is good. Just don't turn into the guys that just work on their upper body and don't bother about the rest.....looks really odd <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />!!!

I found out that the drastic 180 was not working for me. I make changes, get outside my comfort zone, but I found that I am more likely to stick with it if it is not tooo out there for me. I also have been doing more of the things I have let slide and that actually feels good to me......

Enjoy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Daisy

Trust me I'm no body builder, all I did today was stationary bike and I read HN/HN while cycling for an hour. Thanks for the advice anyways. I also think those buff guys look funny, they seem to have a complex.

hey stu....

Good! I always find those guys really odd looking....

I just go in to the gym to run....kind of relaxing.....don't have to think about all this......

Are you taking some time before writing a new email.....sorry if I am bringing it up.....your email writing was helpful to me. Now that I'll be gone for several days I do plan to write emails to H.....I will end them with 'love' as you do....it helps to know what others are doing.....I'll see where that gets me.

Daisy

Well, another bad night. Didn't take sleeping pill cuz I felt tired. But kept waking up with nightmares and anxiety all night. Felt like I didn't even sleep. These anxiety feelings are taking such a toll on me making me want to hear her voice to calm the anxiety. I'm so tired of feeling like this...

stu....
I know what you mean....I am in panic mode today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. It is really getting to me. I so want to talk to him....I get so tired of the up and down. I know I'll be better...but it takes so much energy to get to that point and it takes a long time.....and then I am back to anxiety.

Hang in there.....what are you doing to get through the day <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />? Eav seems to be remodeling her whole house (I'd love to see her house <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)! I put up my little christmas tree last night (it was really hard emotionally!) and today I don't know what to do with myself.....got no modivation to actually accomplish something....

take care of youself.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Daisy

not doing much, except work during the day. In the evening I contemplate what I should do...go to the bookstore? don't want anyone I know in the community catching me reading divorce/R books...Someone suggested joining a club or something to me, I got no motivation to do that either. I'm thinking if I could afford to take sometime off, I'd go travel somewhere, but I doubt I'd enjoy it... 1 month ago, I went to AZ to visit couple of friends, but didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would.

Hi Stu,

I know how you feel. If I am around my fiends, I get irritated not because of them but just because my mind is trying to work things out trying to understand it all. If I am by myself I get very sad and the mind games gets to me. So my motivation is pretty low, but it changes on a daily basis.

Take care and lets keep the hope up!
Van

If I am around my fiends, I get irritated not because of them but just because my mind is trying to work things out trying to understand it all. If I am by myself I get very sad and the mind games gets to me. So my motivation is pretty low, but it changes on a daily basis.

Me too, when I'm around friends, they know I don't talk about my M with them so it's kinda awkward b/c I can see that they want to ask me but afraid to "go there". And I tend to be much more introverted w/ them these days just cuz they're all in "stable" M, and I can't get into their conversations about their vacations or their plans or their materialisms. I've got more important things on my mind.

Well, gotta motivate myself to go to the gym for a bit to do some reading. will check back later.

BTW Van, what are you studying? sometimes I wish I was back in school so I'd have some single friends around...

Hi Stu,

I am doing a bachelors degree of engineering specializing in integrated logistics( or systems engineering) in aviation. I use to be a dental technician doing ceramic work. So it is a complete change of careers but I am enjoying it.

As for the single friends at school, keep in mind most are 10 years younger than us. The last thing on their minds is marriage. They can not understand that why on earth would I want to stay with someone whom has done this to me.

How is it going with your e-mail campaign and letters to WW? Did you e-mail Jen with your answers from WW?

Van,
I guess I was thinking back when I was in school and I was 10 yrs younger...

My email campaign is non-existent right now, althrough I still write when I get inspiration, I don't email anything. Just backing off like everyone says and leaving her alone to think about things. Every time I try to tell her my thoughts on the M/R it seem to get a negative response so I'd better just lay low for awhile. It's been a difficult 8 days of not trying to contact her but on average each day is a little easier...

BTW, you got mail...

Hey Stu
I'm in a similar situation.

Love rules the world. Just be nice, grow your love bank account with her. She doesn’t want to read anything/ do/ know anything. You probably know her better than anyone. Just small talk or talk about her favourite subjects. Show her you care for her and are good for her. Be nice.

Her heart must open from the inside. You can never force her to love you. You will never be able to do that. Be good to her. Be gentle. You presence may be all that she can tolerate from were she is. Go slow. Be calm and always be there for her. Like a warming fireplace, a home to come to.

Take care of you too.

DLK21

DLK,
I'm sorry to hear that you're in the similar situation.
I appreciate your thoughts, they are so true. Her heart must open from inside, on her own. I can't brute force it. Hopefully I won't do or say anything inadvertantly to cause her to feel anymore pain. The last email I thought was more of plan A but it still caused her pain b/c I discuss the M/R...

Well, another bad day...
She's still out of town, but sent her sister with movers to come by pick up her large items from garage to put in her house that she co-own with her sister (one that I was supposed to buy with her). Still some small stuff left over to go through, eg. books, photo albums... I don't know if I should've asked for the garage door opener back?
I really feel like calling her but afraid to...

Someone let me know if this is a bad idea...
I'm thinking about inviting her out for dinner at a new restaurant here locally (one she commented on, before they opened) when she returns to the area for Christmas. Asking her to come out so I can give her a christmas gift. Reassuring her that it will be nothing more than a dinner and a gift. No discussions about R. If she refuses then maybe I'll leave it at her parents house for her...

I wonder if it's too early to send an email just to say hi to the W.
no R talk just to say, hello and how things are with her...
or is it better to just wait for her to contact me? if ever...

I believe that you can contact her. Build up from an email a week to 1 a day and see if she responds.

In MHO
Do not be surprised that she does not wish to go to restaurant or be getting gifts from you. It is like going against her will. If she is putting up a wall against you it will be seen as disrespectful of her. You can offer but do so with the clear understanding that you can take a no for an answer. Let the invitation be a nice gesture to her and don’t push it. Same thing for the gift. It is like taming a deer, a wild animal. It takes persistence, repetition, and a lot of trials and proper dosage.

dlk21

Thanks DLK,
I've been writing some emails but not sendin them. Just to release some anxiety.
I think I'll write an email just to chitchat. But don't know if I should apologize for the pain I caused from previous email from 12/1/05 or just not mention it at all... as a purely hello email.

Stu,
Maybe try something even litter than a conversation opener like Hello so she does not feel obligated to respond. You what to show her respect and caring so try a little message about her favourite subjects (EN), Like sending a picture of something she like (and not of you) or saying you think of her. Keep it very short. 20 words at most.

DLK21