|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3
Junior Member
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3 |
I am considering seperating from my W after the holidays. I could never get over the 2 A's she had in the past and she continues to hang out at night clubs on the weekends knowing how that make me feel sitting at home alone wondering what is going on. She comes home between 6am and 10am in the mornings and claims she has been at the clubs dancing. I am tired of all of this, but I am really felling guilty about leaving my children and not being in the same household as them. I'll miss the warm feeling of joking and playing around with the kids daily. My kids are 11 (girl) and 16 (boy) and it just breaks my heart to the point where I want to sit in a dark room and cry everytime I think of leaving my kids behind. I guess I am just looking for some simple advise from anyone. Am I being selfish or not and how will this effect my children? I would love to hear everyone's comments.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,277
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,277 |
Divorce always affects children. What have you done to work on your marriage? What is her reason for wanting to go clubbing without you? Please read all the info on this site (not these discussion boards). Read up on the articles, including Plan A & Plan B and how to meet Emotional Needs .
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 345
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 345 |
After he left, but before my H introduced the kids to the OW, one of my kids said, "He must hate you more than he loves us." Leaving your children is pretty much the worst possible alternative. Nothing should outweigh the love you have for your children. It should not matter how difficult it is to live with your wife - being apart from your children, and more importantly, their being apart from you, is far worse. Not to mention, if you left, who would be with them while your wife is out clubbing till all hours of the morning?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 490
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 490 |
Why are YOU going to be the one leaving the children. Sounds like her lifestyle isn't a great environment for children to grow up in.
Miker
I was the BS - 36
She was the WS - 36, PA with MM
DS8, DD13, DD15 - All living with Dad
DDay 05/04, Divorced 08/05
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257 |
Why are YOU going to be the one leaving the children. Sounds like her lifestyle isn't a great environment for children to grow up in. I was just going to say the same thing..why not have HER leave and you stay with the kids? or leave WITH the kids??
Me, 43
DS18, DD12
Divorce final May 10, 2007
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 22
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 22 |
nphaaze:
Get legal advice from a lawyer before you do anything. If you leave the house without the kids, that WILL effect custody, should you decide to divorce down the road. I would think they would be old enough to tell the court who they want to live with, and the way she is acting, I would guess they would want to stay with you.
I however know what your going through...I made the choice to move out because I could not live with the constant calls from the OM.
Time and Gods Good Grace Heal All Wounds!
Rufus33
Rufus33
*********************************
ME - 36
STBX - 36
Married for 15
She's had 2 Affairs (that I know of)
Separated 07/05
Divorce date: Early 2006
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3 |
The kids don't understand what the heck is going on. I'd hate to make them choose between me and their mother. If I had my choice of course I'd love to take my kids with me but I don't want them to feel like I am taking them away from their mother. For me it is not as easy as it seems. I hate the W and don't want to hurt the kids. Sometimes I feel it is best that I put up with all the BS for the kids sake.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,868
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,868 |
Do you want your children to be raised in "that" lifestyle? Does it fit your morals? Do you want them to grow up thinking its ok to stay out all night even if you are married and have kids? If you leave your kids behind, that is how they will be raised. They will be pained twice. Once by you leaving, and again by their mom's ongoing lifestyle. Don't leave them. Stay and parent your kids the way they should be.
Mrs. W8ing
Burned-out W, 41, ENFJ married to INTJ. Blender family of 7 years w/3 teens. H has been injured/ill and in college for 6 years. Co-parenting for 11 years w/XWH who married A #4 of 5.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21 |
The children know more than they will tell you.
My 15 yr old said to me after my Stbx left, "mom, he didn't treat you right, you deserve better." Obviously he has been watching for a while...
My 14 yr old picked up all the pieces that my Stbx wouldn't/couldn't/didn't do for me for a long time. But I didn't see it until afterwards. My 14 was trying to help me, because my Stbx wasn't...
Don't stay because of the kids...it doesn't teach them anything but to accept being used as a doormat. It doesn't teach them to stand up for your rights as a person.
It hurts me terribly inside that my Stbx left...
But it hurts me more to see hindsight what staying together did to my children...
I am the adult. They weren't. Yet, we deserve respect and need to teach the kids respect for each other too...
JMHO
"Think of a breakup this way: you're one step closer to the one you're meant to be with."
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (Brutalll),
159
guests, and
68
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,622
Posts2,323,491
Members71,964
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
