AorO,
This takes time. She is very likely in withdrawal from the affair with the OM. I know you said you have been doing the reading here and are avoiding LB's. That is good. Has she sent a No Contact letter to OM? If not she should craft such a letter, have you read it, and then you mail it.
I know she has said that no contact has been established but writing the letter, having you involved with it, is actually part of the process. It is more concrete to you and to her, and it will help you if she will do this.
One thing she will have to do is face and understand why she made the choices she did, and why she gave herself permission to risk your family, and the very physical health of your family for this affair. It will take awhile.
Have you done the Emotional Needs questionaire? If not consider doing it, and ask your W to do it. You need to know where you could be a better husband to your W, and she will need to know where to meet your needs in order to help you recover from what she has done.
Finally, if she is willing she might find it helpful to post here as well. She will get alot of advice, insight, and perspective. It won't be a walk in the part, but we do have more than a few couples posting here.
But, for now my best advice is "steady as she goes". You are going to counseling, you are trying to avoid LB's, and that is all you can do right now. She must get through withdrawal and that can take up to months. Fully, through can take up to a year. So time and patience are the watch words right now.
Hang in there, it can and very likely will get better.
God Bless,
JL
PS: take good care of your children. I would be they sense a disturbance in "the force". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
