Good morning all, need your help on this one. I posted this in general questions but it think it may belong in this subject. I installed a software program on ws cell phone to track his driving habits. I've watched this since last Feb. He had no idea that this was installed on his cell phone. Everything since Feb went great. Nothing at all to be alarmed about and I was feeling very secure and trusting toward him.Then in the middle of Nov he informed me that the ow he had an EA with had left her husband. He found this out at his work. He didnt ask for the information it was told to him by his boss, who has no idea of the ****** this ow put us through. She was my best friend who could not leave my ws alone. Long story!!! Any way I made sure his phone was charged and the program was running since that day he informed me. I have always suspected that he is still in contact with her by direct connect (Nextel) I am able to see his phone records as well as her (nextel bill) dont ask how I am able to get that information. Nonetheless I can see that they do not call eachother. I can not track direct connect calls as nextell does not record these type of calls.
Well, after he told me this information that on a friday, that following Monday what do you know on the way home he drives off the beaten path down a certain road. This road I had mentioned to WS several years ago that I had seen her turn on to several times durning my travels running errands and what not. I told WS that perhaps she has a new set of friends who live on this road. I have never told ws that she indeed has a friend who lives on this road. I know this for certain as her cell calls are to a person who lives there. I didnt give it much thought. Through out the week he makes it a point to travel down this road. It was completely crazy how much he was driving out of his way at different times of the day. His work involves a lot of driving to different sites with in a 100 miles area.
After tracking him for an entire week, I thought if this continues any more I will confront him. I really didnt want to give up my secret of tracking him but I also thought this is going to get worse before it gets better if I didnt confront him. Monday arrives (a week later) and I was getting over a cold and ask ws if he would go to the store before heading to work to get me some smokes as i didnt want to venture outside as i was still feeling ill. Well, he got all bent out of shape over the request and I told him never mind, I'll go out later and get them myself.
So, guess what on his way to a job what does he do??? You guessed it, he drives out of his way to the same road and then on to his job. My god I was ticked that he could not go to the store for me, yet he found the time to as I told him, checking on this OW.
After he returned home from work that evening, I confronted him. I had what I felt was solid proof of his actions. Ws insisted he only drove down this road because of a job site, to which I told him I had already driven down this road myself and there wasn't any job site close to this road. Then he pretended to be all confused on the days and what and why he was in the area. Trying to change the subject, trying to make me understand that in light of my findings that HE DID NOTHING WRONG. He asked if it shows he stopped at any time while he was on the road? Which he did not stop at all and I told him that it was the point that he is trying to find this ow, going out of his way. And for the fact she could be any where or with anyone he choose to go out of his way towards this road and this road only. Again ws claiming he has done nothing wrong and how feed up he is with me checking his cell phone calls and now tracking him while he's driving to his jobs. And how he always has this monkey on his back, I told him then he should get rid of the monkey and only he could do that. I told him you would not have all these problems if you didnt create them in the first place.
Now that he knows I can track his every move, he wont be so stupid and go out of his way to find out where she has gone since she left her husband. Why is it, that I am the one who has to show the proof of his wrong doings and point out how he has crossed the line. When I do show him proof of his actions he has always stopped and a few times has slipped. But its not untill I have that solid proof will the being sneeky comes to a halt? He says but I come home to you every night, I am not making excuses to stay out. Which is true but if your out chasing the OW, then are you really coming home to your family? It all started out that we were best of friends to this couple and she started asking for his advice on problems with her husband as well as their handicaped child. And in the beginning he thought he was helping her and it all has lead to an EA. We broke off all contact with this couple, my WS does not talk to this man at work any longer. They used to be joined at the hip. Time after time he has claimed HE'S DONE NOTHING WRONG!!!! I have read His Needs, Her Needs as well as "Not just Friends" We were on the road to recovery for two years now and then this comes along. ARGHHHH!!!! Just goes to show you it can take just one thing and there off again and claiming I did nothing wrong. Where do I go from here folks?
I've lost all that trust that has taken so long to get and feel like we are back to square one. How do I convey to WS he did cross the line and he should admidt it and stop lying about what he was doing on that road? He knows darn well he screwed up and got caught. But he will not admit it. I told him months before, I didnt think I could handle one more thing regarding the OW and he told me I have nothing to worry about. Any one with some good words of advice or statements would be greatly appreciated on my part. Its been such a long struggle and I am frustrated and feel at times I am the only one whos fighting for us.

----- <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />---------------
Married 19 years
M 42
H 43
1 son 17 years old
Together 23 years
Husband EA with my best friend
D-day Jan 2001, WH maintains OW is only a friend
Mostly NC since Dec 2002

When it doesn't feel right, it usually isn't.

Post Extras:

It has really been good for me to join in today and read much of the communication going on. I have been married for 19 years and dated my husband for six years before we were married. I have recently been suspicious that my husband is having an affair. I am very sure that he had an affair but just do not know if it is still going on. It hurts deeply as I can see you all well know. I understand the frustration of not having hard evidence. That is what I am struggling with now. I have so much evidence but he denies everything. Explains it all away. I am trying so hard to catch him because i know he will Never admitt it. I feel at times I am losing my mind. He is a basket case as well I can tell he feels very trapped.

I got caught up in my story and forgot to reply to something you said. you said that you feel like you are the only one fighting. I feel that way too on many days but I know in my heart, as I am sure you do too, that God is fighting with us. I also know that if we aren't fighting no one else will. Our families are worth trying to save it is just very, very, hard and lonley. I also know from my reading on this site that the only way it will truly get better is for the affair to come out in the open. Satan loves darkness. Only God would want it revealed.

I'd be interested in knowing the type of tracking device you installed. Might be useful for some others here.

The typical thing is that even if you catch them red-handed, they will lie and deny it. I had motel bills and everything, and WH denied an affair. I finally caught them in bed together, and he finally admitted it.

So don't worry so much about proving the affair, and spend more effort on improving the marriage.

I thought for awhile that just moving on was the right thing to do. After reading again how Dr. Harley feels about the need for having the affair revealed it made since. Believer, I would be interested in hearing your take on that. It amazes me how they deny everything. i just don't get it. It seems it would be freeing to get it all out. My husband is refusing MC so I feel that is just saying to me he is not interested in things being better.

Thank you for your response. Julieco why do you suspect you husband of having an affair? It's sort of odd that the WS thinks they are being very cleaver in hiding whats going on. It is my experience that they also pick up the OP's behaviors that they enjoy. Their type of music, their favorite color ect. That list could be extensive as we all know. My WS even went so far as started chewing the type of gum the OW liked.
It would go a long way in recovering if they would just admit to something anything that you uncovered and had 99% proof of their actions and behaviors.
However I will continue with to make our marriage a strong one and one that another OP can not break in to. I see recovery all the time and in small ways.
Believer, I can tell you what tracking system I used on the Nextel phone. I only know what can be used on a Nextel phone, however I would bet this can be used on other cell phones. Ever since I confronted WS on his driving habits, he has been driving the straight and narrow to and from his job sites. I am hopeful this is the last time that I will have deal with WS and OW. I can forgive but I do not forget.