got a question....to anyone who can help. Getting ready to expose A to OWH today or tomorrow...

can anyone give me some info...what kind of reaction should i expect out of H? i assume he will be very ill towards me, as will OW...who doesn't know i know. Just curious...and also any advice on what i should/shouldn't do...?

jaysmom,
I'm surprised no one has responded, but it is a weekend now and fewer people read and post. This will bump it up though.

I can tell you what happened when I exposed to OWH. I did not know that they were in the process of getting a divorce. Well at least the paperwork had been done, but was not signed, and still isn't today as far as I know. Anyway, he was calm and thanked me for telling him. He said he would call back in a few days when he got back in town to get some of the evidence that I had gotten from the PI so he could move on with the D. But I can see that she is daggling him on a rope, because he never called back to get it. He is obviously her puppy dog.So telling him did nothing really. There were no consequences there.

However OW was really POed about my contact with him. And threatened that I should NEVER contact him again. I never did ONLY because I told him that I would not contact him again, but he should know. OW told her H that I was just trying to make trouble so not to believe me (She told my FWH this during the last of their contacts).

In any case, I would remain calm and matter of fact. Let him know what evidence you have. This will hurt him so be prepared for anything. The less emotion I think the better on your part. You don't want to sound like some crazed person. It is a tough call to make, I know.

Hopefully, one of our exposure experts will chime in here to guide you better. Stay strong, stay calm and get the job done. Good luck.

Oh let's see, where is my list? He will be very angry and say that he can never trust you again, that this is the last straw, how could you do this to her family, that he was going to work on the marriage, but not now, that he is leaving, he wants a divorce, what are you thinking, you are just vindictive, how could you, blah, blah, blah.

They all say the same thing.

Hi jaysmom, the OWH will either already know or he will not know and will likely be very hurt. Occasionally you find one that doesn't care. Just be as sensitive as possible and give him all of your information. Suggest to him that you work together to save your marriages and tell him about Marriage Builders. If you work together, you are more likely to bust up this affair.

Be prepared for the fallout from your H. He will be furious that you interefered with his affair and will say all the nonsense that believer quoted. He is saying this for 2 reasons: a) to punish you and b) to shut you up so you will stop interfering in his affair.

So, listen to him rant and rave, but don't apologize for what you did. Tell him you will do what it takes to save your marriage and that OWH has a right to know about his own life.

And most importantly, if the affair is still ongoing, I would expose it to all key people on the same day after you expose to the OWH. Good exposure targets are his parents, her parents, your parents, employer if a workplace affair, and close friends. Best to get it all done in one fell swoop to get the maximum benefit and deal with one lovebuster than with multiple. It is much harder for the affair to recover from one HUGE blow than several minor blows. So get your money's worth and do it right.

When you call up family members, you tell them about the affair and ask for their support in helping you save your marriage. Then make sure your H knows about the exposure.

I borrowed the post below from another thread.... w/b worth considering:


My additonal point w/b NOT to tell the WS who you exposed to. Let him go figure it out. Your job: Just expose (no need to tell all, just enough so those you tell can help), don't tell those who can't handle or can't help. Understand your support c/b from unusal places. ex: I told an insurance carrier, the phone company (while paying bills and looking into changing the billing name to mine vs the WS, etc.). Got support in a small way even from those folks and some leeway on delaying payments due to financial hardship. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

JMHO,
L.