MWIL - one of the things that drew my xw and I closer was the fact that we "snuck around" because of the boys. Within a month we were spending the night with each other but leaving before the children woke up. We did things together as a family but never presented it as more than friendly and normal. This went on as we recovered....through all the drama of a recovery...

Secondly....most family and friends do not support "recovery"...regardless of their own failed marriages, adulterous affairs, and a host of other issues...it truly was my "wx and I against the world"...my own mother and best friend being the worst offenders...because they saw what I went through earlier and worried for me...my father supported any decision I made....and it was important to me....

So...take it slow...have a good night and be safe...

Thanks to everyone!! I'm off....to have the night of my life......with my wife!!

MWIL

WELL.........

The night was PERFECT...in every sense. KFC was such a suprise to her!! After dinner, she grabbed my hand and held it, and thanked me for such a thoughtful "first" date.

I told her that I would like to take her out for a drink or two....took her to a local pub and, as Mortarman or Mr. W said way back..."we partied like rock stars!!"

We sang kareoke...she has an OUTSTANDING voice...me...not so much...but she was shocked and pleasantly surprised by my participation. We danced, and sang and played pool and darts and danced and sang and sang and she had quite a bit to drink (enough for her to just feel pretty tipsy...not overdone by any means) and I had a few early (9-11pm) then tapered off until I was fine to drive....WHICH WAS AT 2:30!!! We closed the bar...and it was just great!! Then I asked her if she would like to go to breakfast and she said ABSOLUTELY!!

It was just the two of us, all night...I knew a couple guy friends there but she knew nobody except the bar tender..a girl that we both have known for a long time.

All night long she kept saying "George...why didn't we do this more often???" "This is the best time I've EVER had with you!!"

We were around the corner from the pool table about mid way through the night (11:30 or so) when she came up to me and said "Thank-you so much for this George" And then she kissed me...a long passionate kiss....I put my hands to her face, and gently held her face...caressing it as we kissed.

We had several of those sessions throughout the course of the night. Many while dancing on the dance floor...with people yelling "get a room!!!!" She laughed and smiled when that was said..

It was the night of my dreams....but so natural, so as to not let her know I was flipping out inside. But SHE instigated much of the physical contact...and I slowly recipricated....

The night ended (or early morning 3:30) with me taking her home...we shared one more long "make out" session, and I told her "good night". She had a tear in her eye, and said: "That was the best night of my life. Thank-you for giving me the opportunity to share it with you. Call me when you get home." 5 minutes later I get home and call her to tell her I made it home safely. Again she expressed her most sincere appreciation for the night.

So there you have it. Should I go file for divorce now, or is there any chance here??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Just unbelievable!! But I am STILL!! And remain cautious, but confident that I will be guided to do the things that will give our recovery the best opportunity to come about!

Thanks to all for ....just everything!!! And you know what I mean!!

MWIL

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />!!!!!!

Time for Plan B now....definitely. Knock her off that fence. <<<<snicker>>>>

Good job...I am very happy for you

Mr. W

Awesome!!! I have a big smile on my face. You did great!!!

Threadjack warning.

Hope,

It was nice to see that you are still around. When you are ready, let us know how you've been. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

The day after.....and it's just been wonderful....haven't spent any time with FWW....but she has called me at least 7 times today!!! And if we haven't talked for 5 hours...we haven't talked 1 minute!! Just all good light hearted easy conversation, and she just continues to be in awe of last night....just how good it was...I just calmly agreed.

She told me this morning, she was awoken by her sister calling a 7am, then fell back asleep, and re awoken by her friend at 7:30 and then again by her mother at 8:30....all were ANXIOUS hear the details of our date. FWW went to her friend's house to help her paint. FWW called me while she was driving there...then while she was painting...then while she was taking a break.

I decided to load up the kids and take them over to FWW's place to cut the grass....it was in deperate need and FWW had been regretting having to do it...well it took 1 hour and I also brought the weed eater to trim it up so it looked really sharp!! What a difference it made!!

Well, FWW called like 3 times while I was out...wondering where I was!! So I called her when I got home and just told her I had to get out and do a few things.

Well, FWW just got home and was just again so surprised to see her lawn look so wonderful. She thanked me, and asked me if I wanted to stay for dinner tomorrow night when we exchange the kids. She has been bringing up the fact that she has been looking at homes for sale in the area and she just says "I'm just looking for fun."

Well, I said maybe "for fun" we could pick a day next weekend and just drive around looking at homes in the area that are for sale....she said "REALLY!!????"

Other than that, this has been a day of peace, and of course, reflection of last night, the last year, and the future of my life. But I realize what got me here...to a place which made it possible for ME to recover....and that is my own personal healing of my self value. And it is what will continue to be my source of strength through this.

It would be so easy to feel or see what has happened as being "easier" than what I would have thought. But, thanks to this board, I know better....that the hardest part lies ahead....the longest part lies ahead...and there are no guarentees to how any of this may ultimately turn out.

But with the strength of ME....I know all will be well. Now STILLNESS...will be my motto....and an attention to my Wife's actions will guide me toward her.

She called my "extending of my hand" to her, as the most precious thing that anyone has done for her in her life. That struck a chord within me....though they are just words...her actions are backing them up. This has been a switch that seeming "turned" kinda quick...but in retrospect...the writing was on the wall several months ago. And with the advice from Dr. Harley....well....UNREAL!!!!

Just had a long post lost in transmission!!!!! So you people will have to wait for me to have more time! I'm off to dinner at my W's place!

MWIL

Last night's dinner with FWW was awesome!!! She had two delmonico steaks for us and some sausage and hot dogs for the kids. I built a fire in her fire pit, and cooked out on an open fire, it was so nice!

All while I was there, whenever we were near each other, she would rub my shoulder or back. And after dinner, the kids were put in the tub, for a nice BIG bubble bath. They played in there with their toys for a half hour. Meanwhile, WW makes some delicious coffee...I was sitting in her living room, and she gave ME a back rub!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I stayed to help put the kids to bed. Then FWW talked for about 10 minutes...and I left, both of us hugging and giving each other nice kisses (not "passionate"-aka "tounge" kisses but really nice pecks!)

I went home and did some chores...15 minutes after leaving her house I got a call....FWW wanted to just tell me again how extraordinary the weekend for her was!! And to tell me thank-you for grilling the meat.

So if I didn't deposit a boatload of units into her LB this weekend....she's a good actress!!

Her <u>ACTIONS</U> are noticeably different and telling me she is wanting me again!!! Lots of good words, but actions to go along with them!!!

Oh....here is an email I JUST got!!!!:

WW: "I just wanted you to tell you again how nice this entire weekend was with you. I almost wish you did not leave last night although I was really not too good of company the later it got....... It feels really good to feel like that George. And thank you for everything. I will try to send you the pics, but I don't know if I know how......................" (Referring to some "funny" pictures being passed through some emails, that I couldn't open up)

So there you have it.....Yes, UVA, SendMe, CC, Hope, Mr. and Mrs. W, Bit....I am STILL....and I am cautious with my feeling right now....just reporting her actions...which IMO, are pretty good right now.

Anyone want to keep me from looking at this in "too much" of a positive way?????

Thanks all,
MWIL

FWW just invited me over for dinner...again!! I'd love to go....but should I just let things go a bit more slowly and decline....or continue working on 15 hours per week of undivided attention and accept her invite.?

At this rate you may log in a 40 hr week! Maybe ask for a raincheck...don't you have laundry or something that needs to get done? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LOL!! How'd you know!! Already accepted.

Have a good time. But make sure you find time for your laundry she is not going to want a man with stinky 2 day old socks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

MWIL....I am only being realistic....all of the joy and happiness may fall apart when it is time to address the issues....at hand...you have let her be in control of this. That is not grounded my friend...not at all...you're flying high and perhaps you should be...when this happened to me...my D-Day came within 7 days.....talk about that roller coaster....and my D-day came because I pushed her into "being honest with me"...

You know I wish you luck....I am still however, concerned....that everything is going too smoothly....How are you certain of NC??

SendMe,

Your analysis is dead on, "I" have let her feel some of the control....so in a sense "I" am in control of letting her choose the path back....and it jives with the MB principals fairly well.

How do I know about NC??? Probably the same way you "knew" you when it was "safe" to allow any reconnection to take place with your FWW/XW/New W.

Her actions are the key here....not just the actions of her now...but compared to her actions when she lived here, and even compared to her actions pre-A.

I was giving her a foot massage last night, watching TV at her place....and, out of the corner of my eye, saw her staring at me....with a smile on her face, several times.

When I was getting ready to leave at 11:00pm....she came right up to me, and said: "Thank-you for everything." "You have extended your love for me to an extent that I never dreamed a person could feel" "Thank-you for giving me an opportunity to fall in love with you again" Then she kissed me.....a kiss of all kisses, one with unspoken passion that could not be "fake". Her looks, her words, her actions, the words of her freinds and family, they all are rooting for us big time!!

She has set up our first M counciling session for next week. She has voluntarily, without me asking, told me exactly her transition of feelings for OM. And she acknowledges the fact that there will be some "withdrawl" from him....but, SHE ASKED ME FOR HELP WITH THAT!!!!

Grounded for me is that, I still expect NOTHING to come of this. I'm treating this like it is brand new, but KNOWING that we will need to address the issues....maybe we'll start during our M counciling session, next week, even though, together we have dealt with many in "little chunks" the last two months.

Of course there is no guarantees....but things are better than 6 months ago....that's a fact!! And continue to improve to a point where me may both feel safe to get to the REAL issues of recovery.

Thank-you again for all your insight and keeping me from rising to high into the clouds. Your words mean much to me, and are always dealt with by deep thought from this end.

MWIL

PS CC, am I supposed to seperate the whites from the colors, or can I use the excuse that I don't know what I'm doing, when my socks turn slightly pink????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

MWIL,

It's great to see that the MB principles do work and that the WS can fall back in love with the BS as you have shown.

You must be feeling great right now and I'm happy for you. From what I've read this "honeymoon" stage will last a few months before the tough part begins. I've never been there so I can give you much insight here, but it sounds like Sendme knows what he is talking about since he's been through it.

Mavbe you might get some advice on how to prepare for recovery, but it does sound as though your FWW has the right approach.

Good luck my friend!

HTW

Great news....
I love the cloud nine reports.... You must feel like smiling Bob today!

Believe me I totally understand... Our universe is almost on a parallel right now...Actually our time lines are also exactly the same... scary.....

MB principles are truly the key. God Bless MB!!! Can I get a Whoa two times...

I appreciate all the advice and well wishes that have been sent my way!

But again, as SendMe and Hope have alluded to, I must maintain a constant monitoring of the pulse of our new relationship....but the monitoring seems easy, when there is a willing participant.