This is off the thread topic of dating/relationships, but relates to after divorce.

Has anyone done something after being divorced that was simple [or not so simple] but enjoyable, that x wouldn't have enjoyed??

Our YD [11] participated in a community Christmas tree lighting last night. Her school joined 2 other schools singing Christmas songs. It was so pretty last night. It was snowing, the big flakes, it really made the night festive.
After the program, local stores/bus. were giving out hot drinks, food, or candy to everyone.
It was a family night, and just a neat evening.

I over heard my OD talking to her father this morning on the phone, and heard her say, "you didn't like it?"

I mentioned to her that I overheard the comment, and asked her if I heard correctly. She said, yes, he said he didn't like it, and they didn't stay around.

I realized for the first time [my divorce is coming up on 2yrs] that I'm doing things and enjoying them now, that I didn't for the 18 years I was married to him.
He didn't enjoy doing these kinds of things, so we either didn't, or if we went, we left very soon after we got there.

Possibly, this is one positive that comes out of divorce.


Karona

There were many things my X didn't enjoy. And as part of his passive aggressive behavior, made these things miserable for me too (birthdays, etc.).
So now I revel in the little things that I enjoy doing with the kids.
Decorating a gingerbread house, having a christmas craft party, enjoying the company of friends. All these things are better without the dark shadow over them.
I'm making memories with my kids, and letting them know how special they are to me.

That's a nice revelation K. I'm glad you have positive things like that, especially with your daughter!

letsee.... we really enjoyed lots of things together, so I'm having a hard time coming up with anything. Except being in charge of the remote, and watching my favorite TV shows. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I like how I'm trusted to make decisions now, they aren't picked apart, they aren't questioned.
I'm trusted...by me!
Everything is a fight or a turned into the world falling apart. It's peaceful.
I like how I can go to the Walmart I want...man, just about anything!!!
That's too bad that XH can't enjoy your daughter's events because of his selfishness, K.
But isn't it a bit of freedom?!

Karona -

That sure rings true with me. After I got over the huge shock of D-day, I started going out and doing things. Little by little I realized that I was doing more things and having more fun than when married.

I'm an easily pleased type of person. Lots of different things appeal to me. WH only wanted to do what he enjoyed. Usually he refused to do things I would have liked to do, or if he went, we stayed only a short time.

It sure makes recovery easier.

Yes, all these things. The things that we don't realize daily and then one day, ahhh, the light turns on.

Drita,
I so know what you are talking about concerning what you say being picked and torn apart.
I went from being shy and afraid to talk when I was young for fear of saying something dumb, to being married and being picked apart for what I said, and being made to feel dumb.

I still wouldn't have picked Divorce for myself and our girls, but there are some positives when it comes to this stuff.

K!

Yup. I bought a small sailboard and went sailboarding this summer. I may buy a wetsuit and do it in the winter.

I also took up clay pot making.

Just this morning, I woke up to snow on the ground and got to enjoy how beautiful it was without my ex whining and complaining about the snow, cold, sholveling, etc.

And then I got to shovel the driveway without being told that I was doing it wrong or using the wrong shovel. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

JE,
I hope it's a warmer winter where you live.
So far this year, it's been really cold here in WV.
How are your pots turning out? I recently talked to someone about taking a class in this.

N,
I don't envy shoveling already. I know it's in my near future though. Amazing that shoveling snow could take such skill! Did your xspouse get a degree in this trade??
Teasing of course! I would be so tickled it was done, I wouldn't care how it got off the drive and walk way.

Karona

Good question, Karona.


I know what you mean, too, Drita!

I often think of things STBXH and I enjoyed together, but also those things I gave up, as we all do in any relationship, because WH didn't enjoy them... as he obviously had given up a number of things that I didn't enjoy (which he's been enjoying with MOW).

Many, many things...

The last 'reminder' happened yesterday.
We talked on the phone and I told him our son and I had bought Christmas tree and plenty of nice decoration, he asked what's the price, I told him, then he said - Oh my God, are you insane to spend so much??
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

And that was paid with money I earn... as I was paying most of things when we were married...
Imagine his reaction if I've ever spent some of his... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wow. This sounds so familiar.

Following my divorce, I read a really cool book by one of the guys who wrote the Chicken Soup Books. "The Aladdin Factor" by Jack Canfield is all about getting what you want by asking for it. I made a list of 100 things I wanted to do with my life as a single-again woman. Then I went about asking for help achieving those things. Lo and behold I was happy! And I was making new friends with people who were doing fun things with me.

Aladdin Factor

Mrs. W8ing