For those that know my story WS & I still arn't having any meaningful progress, day to day things are ok, but onto my question My WS has never been one to tell me what she wants & her A has made X-mas that much harder for me to try & come up with a gift. I didnt want to get a gift that pressured her in any way so I decided to get her a nice pair of dimond earrings. ( I felt earrings woud be pretty generic & safe ) well x-mas came up in conversation & I asked her again what she would Like again (she knew I had bought somthing already) and she commented "I hope you didnt get me jewlry" How should i take this? do I return the earrings? Which would be sad as I got a great deal on them the price was missmarked. Or do i assume she ment somthing more relationship orented like a ring.

I think earrings are pretty a netural gift. Thats my opinion though. I'm stuck with figuring out if I should get my WS something for christmas. I was going to get her what she wanted before all this hit the fan 4 wks ago. Glad I didn't spend money on that nice stereo system that I had been saving up for. So now it's something small and basic. I guess I would look at it as what would I buy for a friend. Thats the approach i'm taking. spend the money on my daughter

tazcliff
Sorry i dont know your story but i thought that i would give you my opinion on your gift. To me to get jewelry from my H is a very special thing, add diamonds to the picture and it extraordinary. So maybe at this time she is not ready for that. That said, keep the earrings for a later date if you got a good deal, and maybe find something that is less intimate. Again i say this not knowing your situation. Hope all goes well and good luck.

Reverse babble option:

WS: I hope you didn't get me jewelry.

BS: OK, I got you a rug. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

WS: (totally confused look) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

BS: {priceless!} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Personaly, if the affair is still going on, I say give them what they want, Zero, big fat nothing. A gift given to a w/s in contact just makes them mad.

If they are in withdrawal from no contact, and say they don't want you to spend much on them, I would give them a simple present such as a book from their favorite author.

I would definately give something like a beautiful piece of jewelry to the spouse in recovery.

That is just my opinion.

there is no contact and we are through most of the withdrawal, she is not getting depressed ect anymore, but we are still not at the point where we are trying to fix what got us to this point. to me it was a pretty generic gift, somthing she wears every day anyway, mabey it would be better to wait & get her somthing more generic. Anyone have any other ideas for a gift Im getting to the point where Im frustrated because Im putting all the effort into saving our M & Im not getting much in return from her.

Here is just another woman's opinion. Diamonds are not "generic" and jewelry is personal, even if she does wear earings everyday. The diamond earings sound to me like a thoughtful, beautiful gift, but they are a gift that your wife is probably not ready to receive from you yet. If she has told you "I hope you didn't get me jewelry" you will be disappointed if you give them to her. I agree with other poster, tuck them away and hopefully there will be a special occasion in your future where you will give them and your wife will receive them in the right spirit.

How about something to pamper her like a gift certificate for a facial, massage, manicure, etc.

Good luck.

While I still think the 'rug' gift is a good idea for a WS in the fog..... maybe a gift certificate w/b best but with a twist.

Gift Certificate for a pedicure...... Why only that one? Well when you give it to her you can tell her you weren't sure, she is quite difficult to buy for so you were gonna start out with a pedicure and since they like you there, the other services at that women's spa are also available via a gift certificate and you have it on hold because you can't decide who to give them to. Besides, you heard it was best to start out with the feet and work your way up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Reverse babble with a twist? Yep.

L.

I agree that diamond earrings are special, not generic. I would hold on to them for a later time.

Thanks for all the input I will leave them for another time & place.

Is it possible that she doesn't want jewelry precisely because she thinks it is too generic? Maybe what she really wants (and maybe what OM did) is for you to listen to her day to day conversation well enough to know what she might like. (And yeah, I agree it's aggravating when people do that, but you want to make LB deposits, I gather.)

So-is there an author she likes, a book she has mentioned, a picture she's admired, a store she would love to shop in but she can't afford it, any clues you can think of? One year for my BDay my husband got me a closet system I had been ogling at Lowe's, and another year he bought me swinging doors for the laundry room after I complained for the 60th time about the noise the dryer makes. She may not want something expensive, she may just want something that says when she's whining and cranky, you actually listen (like my H did) instead of letting your ears take a vacation.

Elspeth - I would LOVE the closet organizing system!!!

elspeth, thats a great suggestion if she whould accually comunicate in those terms, why do you assume Im not listening, shes not saying much & I have been trying very hard to make things easyer for her, helping out around the house fixing the house to be painted, landscaping ect all things that she has mentioned. have you ever thought she may have some responsibility? A relationship takes 2.

x-mas?
Obviously, x-mas does not mean a whole lot so why keep the gift?

How about rounding up a wedding picture of the two of you and having it framed in an elegant frame. Write her a note to go with the gift telling her you love her more today than on that day and that you never believed that possible but true. (only if it is)

We women get a big charge out of the romantic and thought put into the gift. Earrings can be lost, rugs get dirty (hehe) but memories last forever.