Hello Bramble Rose,

I would just like to say thankyou for your response in the "Admiration" post.
The light has finally come on for me from reading what you said about looking at yourself, & not being respectful to your H. I also, have not always been respectful to my H.

From those words alone made me think about myself & I finally asked myself, Would you like to be married to you? Of course, most of the time I would say yes, but there are times when I would say NO, YOU WOULD NOT!

This does not excuse my H A's at all, but they were his choices, not mine. I think his behaviour towards me also helped in my reaction to him alot of the times.

However, ever since I read your response this morning, I have been feeling so much better about myself, & the pain in my gut has eased.

I have decided that from today onwards I want to respect myself & like who I am. Be proud of me. I am hoping that by doing this, it will also help me in every other aspect of my life.

This could take some doing, & could take some time to keep on consiously making the effort, but I will only get better at it.

Thankyou again

Eyes Opened

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Well then, welcome to recovery! I found out that my decisions were so much more effective, and my life so much more peaceful, when my decisions became based on who I wanted to be instead of who I wished someone or something else to be.

I'm glad I said something that helped you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I know a girl that will help you along the way. She also helped me tremendously.

Isn't she the best? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for your support.

I have a terrible habit of not talking about things that upset me & I rationalise this by saying (to me) that it doesn't really matter that much, I won't rock the boat....... BUT, what happens is that the problem will fester & after a few more upsets, I will explode & that's when I don't like me, so why would anyone else. I am in fact, rocking my own boat by trying to keep quiet. Of course I didn't really know what was actually happening for those bad 10 years, so neither of us was ever going to rectify the real problems in our M.

I have had a chat with H about this & he is more than happy for me to talk to him & says that he is happy & we should talk more, but guess who also doesn't talk?
We are both going to try & make more of an effort for talk time. Naturally, he just wants to sweep this all under the carpet. Says that if we keep taking about things it will never go away (which it won't anyway, just hopefully dim alot). I am of the opinion that we can work it all out better if all the cards are on the table, & keep working at the "project" until we get it right.
I am hoping that he is coming around to this way of thinking.
I have appologised for my outbursts & will work to not having any more. He now knows that it was never a bed of roses for me either.

Thankyou both again & have a nice weekend.

Eyes Opened