jph..

I know...I know. It is fun. I have done that before...really did but to first ow...and it was NOT a joke when I did it.

Honestly, I feel wierd about the whole thing. I do not want xh back. Not all. But the whole experience of dealing in any way shape or form with the affair marriage has been...lets' just say out there.

For starters, it is as if THE OW/W TREATS ME AS IF I WERE THE OW...she is so frightened of me...or worried that I will change my tune and want this ahem...man...bleech...back. I think not! But she is soooo insecure...still locked in some kind of war between herself and well...I guess herself...that she can't see how life itself is. I AM NOT the threat. Darth's doin' pretty darn good on his own. However, the drop by's the last few months, the weird actions..the anger...the showing up and walking in my home...the leaving of his cell phone so he could sneak out to my house and bring ds basketball gear does have "affair" written all over it. Maybe he wanted to "relive the good times.." who knows. I am NOT going there.

Have a 9 pm phone call w/xbf...to finally finalize my thoughts and his issues at hand. He tried to diffuse me today with a total of three phone calls during work. One of which when I was having lunch...yea, with four guys...I work with guys...I can't help it. My job...my profession. And D calls when I am eating lunch with them. He says..."I hear some guys...are you having lunch with guys?" I said dear I work with guys and you know I am in the minority.

I just work with guys about my dads' age...am the young whippersnapper and they are all dadly with me...offering advice, analyzing my life...wanting me to literally live as a nun...and that's cool. They are good people and I really like them..great professionals.



Something's gotta give soon. I have hit the holiday doldrums...am so tired when I leave work (worked 1.5 hours overtime again today)...that I can barely lift my head. It's take ds out to dinner b/c I am sooo darn tired. And tonight we are going to bake some more cookies for him to take to school..some gingerbread cookies.

Darn it. I am mad. I want the storybook ending. I want the person , the guy to realize I am the ONE. That I am something worth fighting for...instead of giving me reasons why they screwed up again. D knows that this is the last round. He knows it's gonna be over I think.

Do you ever have a day where you just feel sometimes alone? I swear. Today is one of those days where you feel the "singleness" and stress of the world. I hate that part. I do it all. Do the whole nine yards. And some days, it can wear you really down.

((peachy))

Singleness is preferable to being neglected by your BF.

You are smart, successful, personable, attractive. You don't have to settle or accept less than great treatment.

I can't wait to hear about the phone call.....

I enjoy singleness. The only messes in this house are of my own creation.

I'm sorry JP but I've enjoyed your posts. Noone finds happiness at the expense of another. It's good to get to see that through your posts. Some part of me would like to have seen my "stbxh-or maybe not"(we're separated, divorce filed but on hold & he's working out issues) having to live with xow. He would have known the true meaning of miserable and he knows that now. The fog makes them think that's where true happiness is.

I suspect that some part of you would like for him to come to you and confess what an absolute creep he is and beg your forgiveness. (Heck, I want to read that has happened.) And then watch him walk out the door after you've told him that you're not interested.

As I tell my 19 year old daughter, don't take a single bit of crap off of any of them. There's someone out there who will treat you as you are to be treated. If we allow it once, the flood gates are opened for all kinds of rudeness.

Remember you teaching your son how to treat his wife. You want him to be happy and treating his wife with respect will lead him to that path. Make sure you demand respect. After all, men are like buses, there's always another around the next corner...