Just looking for advice. I am a WW. The last While has been he[l. Recently I was discharged from a psychiatric ward. I still feel very lost and alone. That hole that I fell into a while ago still seems very near and I’m terrified. Details, within a short period is that I had an A with a former co-worker. I slept very little throughout the week that the A happened. I’m still so confused as far as why. H and I have been having trouble communicating but this is no excuse. I do love him very much. We have wonderful children so WHYYYY did I do what I did. The end result was after the last encounter I tried to end my own life. These thoughts had been there for months. Now that I’m home my H seems to need so many answers though some I don’t have and it is very frustrating. I see the hurt in his eyes and it tears me up. I’m feeling very alone in this and even the docs can’t help. Who can? How do I help myself and how do I help my H?

((Unknown))

I am glad you are here. I am a FWW so I can understand your confusion with who you have become. But, you don't have to be that person ever again. Don't expect it to get great soon. First order of business is never having contact with the OM at all - ever. Be an open book to your H, understand that it will take a while to earn his trust again. If he wants this M, let him help you heal it. Take comfort in him and let him be the soft spot for you to land.

Would your H post here or read info here?

I am glad you are here and out of the hospital and safe.

Thank you for replying so soon. As odd as this seems I feel that I don’t have any understanding of those around me. God bless my H because he tries very hard but he is the only one that attempts to listen to my very hurried thoughts. As strange as this sound, I made friends in the hospital that seem to understand me far more than those outside of the hospital because people view mental illness as leprosy. I am striving for a sense on stability of my life with medication and day treatment.

My H has already posted here and has been for a while as I have just come to learn. He doesn’t know I am now starting to post here yet.

I do appreciate your post and I will continue to post here and gain the help I need for myself and my M.

I have also struggled with depression, in fact, I was in a pretty tough depressive episode when I started my A. Work with the doctors and counselors to keep stabilized.

The first thing is you don't ever have to be a WW again. Now, you can start your personal recovery and your marital recovery. I am glad that your H is already here, I will be hoping for the best for your family.

I am glad you are here. Others will chime in soon. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I will keep you in my prayers tonight.

Hi IU, It's good to see you here. And I want you to know I hope the best for you and your family. I hate to see families torn to shreds by infidelity, and it's a long road to recovery, but don't give up...okay...it can get better if you want it too. Progress may be slow, but worthit!

My H has mental illness too, and he fell into the hole of infidelity and binging for 2 days. After the 2 days, he ended up in the hospital extremely scared and depressed wanting to run in front of a car. He dragged himself out of the hole literally crawling to a phone and called 911, then they called me to let me know they had found him.

It has not been easy, and I had a million questions when he came home, and he answered them all, which led to a start in recovery. There is never a sane logical reason why infidelity happens. Any BS and recovered WS can attest to that. But...as we evaluate our marriage pre-DDay, it wasn't a good marriage.
He didn't protect his weakness, and I was withholding SF.
We had barely any communication, job problems, and he withdrew quite fast, and fell hard. He is repentant, and very remorseful, so that has helped tremendously. He is not making excuses, and takes full responsibility for his actions.
He cried more than I sometimes. He can't believe he did it, but he did.

The way you can help your H right now is by being totally honest with him about everything. NC (no contact) with OM ever again. I would advise that you to write an NC letter to OM, even if he isn't around any longer. An NC letter will help your H more than yourself.

Give him lots of hugs, lots of listening, lots of patience.
I think you have more understanding than you give yourself credit for. You understand he is hurting. You understand what caused the pain. Forgive one another, and pray alot.

If you can look at it as a new start for your marriage you can begin to rebuild if you choose too.

I know you are scared and you mention that hole is right there. But now you know you can go around that hole you don't have to fall into again.

I said this in an earlier post....Here we are...so many years later.... learning how to be married. It's worthit.

Hoping for the best,
Lady