Here is our story…
It was a dark and stormy night …. Oh, wait …. That is Snoopy's story, not ours.
How we met. A blind date arranged by a fellow nursing student. She said, “You need to meet this guy. He loves dance and theater as much as you.” It was arranged that our mutual friend and her 2 kids would meet with me and blind-date-man at a screening of
Alien. (the first one) I was trying to break up with my long-term boyfriend. I was man-angry at a cellular level. I was, however, pretty darn cute back then, and so perhaps my man-anger was not immediately apparent to mr-blind-date-man. The movie was, as you all know, fantastic and scary and a really good date movie. My future husband thought I was “the one” from day one. I was certain he was not the one. But since I was man-angry, I thought I might take this specimen and torture him for a while. So, instead of “it was a dark and stormy night” ~~~ our story begins “I was a dark and stormy night.”
Boy, was I ever. I used to enjoy having men fall for me, then I would tell them I was no longer interested. I used my body as bait, then I'd cut the line. I was in my late 20s. My recent readings has made this phrase available to me to describe myself pre-marriage ~~~> FREELOADER EXTRORDINAIRE.
The Future Mr. Pep (FMP) was living and working 400 miles away. We became occasional phone friends. I told FMP I was going back to my boyfriend. FMP said he just wanted to be my friend. So it began. FMP would call me every 2 months or so, and talk talk talk, telling stories about his life and the celebrities he was meeting. This was his “CHiPS” heyday …. And his stories were good!
I was developing a friendship with FMP largely because of his great voice. He does good phone. He has an amusing voice and an ability to impersonate any dialect. His voice hooked me.
About 2 years after our initial Alien date (ironic, is it not?), FMP called and said he was working out of Berkeley and did I want to get together with him for coffee? I did want to. I had just finally broken off with old boyfriend for the final time after a 14-year relationship that was costing me my dignity. That relationship was at least 4 years past it's expiration date.
We got together for coffee, and FMP told me this, “I am going to sweep you off your feet.” He sent me a broom. He sent me a box of Twinkies and Dr. Pepper. He took me on long drives to view architectural follies. We went to movie after movie. We ate at quirky restaurants. I started to fall. I fell. I said “yes” when he asked. FMP became My Mr. Pep (MMP).
Our marriage was fun for a long time. We remained childless, not by choice. We adopted our two beautiful children. Our marriage became more work and less fun. We neglected our relationship while taking care of the other elements of our lives. Children. Careers. Home. Extended family. We grew apart, but stayed together. A story familiar to many of you. Our garden was weed-filled and neither of us was very good at weeding.
MMP has a loyalty streak. He stays connected even when time and distance might cause other people to let go of friendships. One of his old connections is a man he grew up with. MMP would stop by his friend's house whenever MMP was “in town” and visit that old buddy, his wife, and their kids. I knew this. It was the sort of loyalty that I thought would be a comfort to me as MMP and I grew old together. When this man's wife started calling our house, I did not think much about it. I handed the phone to MMP saying, “It's (name), she wants to talk to you.”
… and so it began … right under my nose … their loyalty-cloaked EA started out as most of them do …. talking and sharing personal feelings. OW's marriage was in trouble. She needed a friend to advise her. And MMP has a great voice and does great phone.
As his EA heated up, MMP was more attentive toward me and more giving of himself. Then he was not. He started becoming hard to read. He started to drink more. I'd mention to him, “Have you been drinking?” he'd say, “I had 2 beers.” He reeked of alcohol after 2 beers? Nothing added up.
The EA/PA lasted about 2 years.
I think the lies come pretty easily after the first volley of lies goes over successfully. Same thing with the rationalizations. Only the first rationalizations are difficult. After that, any discomfort can be managed with chemicals (drugs or booze) or with OW-heroin-like conversations. It is a sideways slippage most of the time, not a full-on swan dive straight into the infidelity/lie/deception pool.
Keeping track of the lies and deceptive cover stories is exhausting and causes the WS to become very irritable and snippy. If your cloaked-in-secrecy WS snarls and snaps, it is a clear message to keep one's distance. And so there begins an even wider gap between the WS and the BS.
The following is from a story synopsis of the movie
Alien:
[color:"blue"]“While returning from a deep-space mission, the crew of the commercial spaceship Nostromo is awakened by a supposed SOS call from a system they are passing through. Descending to the planet's surface, they discover a strange derelict spaceship - the apparent source of the transmission - and one of the crew descends into the hold. What he finds are thousands of strange alien eggs. While examining one of the eggs, it hatches and the parasite inside attacks him. After returning to the Nostromo the crew takes off again to head for Earth. The alien parasite subsequently dies and all seems well again. But what no one knows is that another alien is quietly forming within its host - and when it emerges, the crew finds itself in serious trouble...”[/color]
Is this not a near perfect description of the genesis of an affair? We were in serious trouble. An alien invasion had begun, My Mr. Pep had become Alien Mr. Pep (AMP) …. Oh nooo!
Here is Pep and AMP on D-day!
http://www.veronica-cartwright.com/VCALIENbeast.jpgOur 10-year D-day anniversary is December 26th.
Our marriage is better than ever. No joke. We both agree on this.
My husband The Mr. Pep is my hero. He protects me. He nurtures me. He respects me. He has restored his integrity from the chaos of D-day, and he is polished and shiny and simply fabulous.
I adore him.
I love our marriage.
I pray for every one on this board every day.
I want to wish all of you joy and peace.
