Hi
I have been separated 4 almost 2 years. My marriage was very abusive, and I found myself escaping it, with only clothes I had on me, and a few documents. No children. He trew out all of my belongings on the street, all I had/gained in 6 years of marriage. It felt very good 2 B reafirming my life, again, though the consequences where high-like financial, It takes hard steps to get to the point where I was before the marriage. It was a domestic abuse, and I was a victim, yet very young, and had to learn through tough way 2 fight 4 myself. The emotional bagage, as well as all other fears are still consuming my life. Good thing is that he moved away, to another state...so the fear of being beaten is much less present, but the resentment toward his inhumane treatments, including infidelity, and long travells, with 100 of female friends, phonecalls, and intimidations of our married life, that he approaved.

Now, that is partially over...i am seeing a man, for a year/year after my separation.

The man is in dead marriage(separated in house), moving to his place. He spends all of his free time with me, and I met his familly(meaning sisters, and Mother).
We already found the place, but I am NOT ready to B commited anymore at this point. I will be still seeing him, yet I lost all my trust in men...
He is trying all his best...but I am so not trusting anymore, even though I am trying my best, 2.
I am very carefull, and I am still caring my bagage from former marriage.
Do U have any advice 4 me?
I am afraid, he will cheat on me, or end up just like my ex...?
I feel as It is the best 4 me, just to get to know him much better before we start anything more serious...though the man seems perfect 4 me, like a soulmate...I still have doubts.

Thanks

I'm sorry you had to go through abuse - no one deserves that! And you show quite a lot of strength in leaving and making a new life for yourself. That's great! There are others who post on the Divorcing/Divorced board who have been through that, and have wisdom to share.

It appears you are still married, though. And you've been seeing a guy for a YEAR who is still married. And you're going to move in with this guy and you're both still married. Am I correct so far?

You are only asking for yourself in this post - but you need to be divorced before you start a relationship with someone, anyone, especially someone who is still married. He needs to be divorced, too. Otherwise he's committing adultery, and you're now "the other woman" (to his wife). It doesn't matter how "dead" he SAYS his marriage is.

I would suggest you end your previous relationships (marriages) before going into a new relationship. Marriage Builders is a great place to grow and learn.

He is seperated, AND STILL LIVING IN HIS HOUSE?????????????

Sorry, you are in another BAD relationship. No wonder you feel like you can't trust him. Honorable people get divorced BEFORE they move on to another relationship.

Sure, I have advice.

1. Get divorced.

2. Stop seeing married men and meeting their families.

3. Heal (i.e. to the point where you don't liken all men to your abusive husband).

4. Learn to be happy on your own (i.e. you don't need a man to be happy).

5. Learn to choose the right men for the right reasons (e.g. no married guys and no abusers).

6. Start slowly dating to see what works for you and what doesn't; do not jump into relationships right away.

AGG

I think you are going to wind up with more trust issues if you stay with this man.
Let him take care of his business and you take care of yours-both get divorced and move out and don't take your baggage to a new relationship.
See where you are in at least 6 months.
Have you had any counseling? Can you pick out an abuser? Do you know the red flags? Cuz I'm telling ya-this has red flag all over it!
Also smells a bit fishy....