Well today was the last day my wife and I plan to see each other ever again. I had an PA that came out in 4/04 and I attempted to work on the marriage for the past 14 months by making personal changes, the way I communicate and treat my wife. However, in the end she could not get her feelings back for me as more than a friend and chose divorce then to work on it any more. She did want to remain friends because she stated we enjoy doing the same things and she enjoys hanging out with me. But I told her I could not handle that and she accepted that. she was affectionate the other night and stated she had a wonderful time. When I said goodbye and take care she cried a lot stating she couldnt envision her life without me in it. She asked if she could keep in touch through email and I told her to wait 4-6 months and we will see. She has not filed for the divorce yet, but we planned this day to be our last together. What are the chances if anyone knows that she might through the months discover that she does still love me?

Give it some time. Being betrayed is a tough obstacle to get past. Some people can forgive, some can't. They never forget.

May I ask why you would want to cut off communication totally if you want to work it out? I understand it's hard - hard to be near the one you love and know you can't have them - but she may be testing you. If you are so able to walk away just like that then perhaps she's reading that as less than a total committment to her.

We love to play games with each others' minds and hearts... rather than just say what we feel and follow through.

Why are you waiting for her to file the divorce? If you still love her - don't file yourself... but at this point neither of you can move on if you're stuck at a stalemate.

I applaud you for owning your mistake and doing what it takes to try to make things right. Could be that your W just can't let her guard down for fear that it will happen again. Time will tell if she can learn to trust again, and if you keep doing what you're doing, she'll learn that you have become trustworthy again. If you cease to communicate, she'll never know for sure, so in that case, somebody might as well file <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Only she knows her own heart and whether she's capable or not of feeling for you again...but if neither of you wants to cut it off completely I don't see why either of you would.

My advice - fight for her - if you still love her and truly want to repair the marriage, prove it to her every day. She endured pain when your A was exposed, perhaps it's time for you to bear some of the burdon as your repair continues.

I don't have an answer to your question... but friendship and closeness are good foundations to rebuild the marriage. If I were you I'd stick with her and see what happens down the road.

Of course there comes a time too where you may feel that you've done everything you can... and then you need to decide what to do... perhaps you're at that point now?

I gain a lot of comfort from prayer - God has held my hand through some rough times lately, let Him hold yours too. Open your heart to Him and He will show you the right path. I think He already has.

God bless,

H2U

She was the one that wanted to move forward wit hthe divorce. She appeared to have difficulty understanding how difficult it would be for me to be friends with her while she was in another relationship after divorcing. She does state she trust me more than she has, its that her feelings aren't there for me. But when we are together I feel emotions and when we are apart it is as if I'm ignored. I would figure after 14 months of proving EVERY day thta I am there that she could at least say my feelings aren't there for you, but I do want my marriage to work. She has been on the fence for 14 months not knowing which way to go until pushed to say she doesnt feel the marriage would work since she does not love me the way a wife should. Not only have I learned a lot, but I have truely attempted to feel the pain I put her through everyday and hold that close to me in comfort knowing she is no longer alone, although my pain is self induced while she never asked for her pain. I would want to remain as we are if she wants to continue down the path, what I am saying is I can't stay friends if she moves forward with the divorce.