Did you mean this to be a dig on SugarCane or the moderators? Maybe I am misunderstanding your point, but it seemed like she was being helpful. And even if she were a moderator then isn't that better for you, knowing that she was trusted to be a moderator by Dr. H? Everyone here is supposed to give advice according to MB principles.

By the way, I've been here over 5 years but I'm not a moderator. I don't know SugarCane personally, but I've been impressed by her insight and your statement rubbed me the wrong way- kind of like biting the hand that feeds.

Adding to my previous post:

Reading again, and seeing that you are posting now under a different name now, you probably meant this statement to mean:

On to Sugar Cane, ( who makes such a good point that she is probably ) a forum moderator I would guess. Be careful people (and make sure that you understand and stick to Dr. Harley's principles. Otherwise you'll waste years with no progress. )

I know that I am speculating, but in speculating, trying to give the benefit of the doubt.

Only there was never infidelity... which is a lot more than most of the people on this site can say.

I wouldn't suggest taking cheap shots at people who have experienced infidelity. That is inappropriate and callous.

From CF's description of her husband's behavior, there has most certainly been infidelity. What else would you call having female friends on the side, or wanting to engage in threesomes?

I don't think I have ever seen anything like this on the MarriageBuilders forum before, a person who posts and returns years later and proceeds to:

~get frustrated that old thread/s were pulled up (something that posters have a right to no matter what)
~argue that old thread about her wanting an open marriage is somehow OK since it was a lie to get her serial cheating husband in line (you wasted posters' time)
~brag about her "truthfulness" since she didn't ACTUALLY cheat (huh?? You lied to your H and the forum), and then taking shots at others on the forum since they have cheated and you didn't.

Do you realize how insensitive comments regarding wanting an open marriage (it doesn't matter if you say you had an agenda to trick your husband - I would say that makes it worse) all the way to the proclamation that you haven't cheated somehow making you better than others (we have amazing FWS posters here!) on a marriage building forum is?

This forum is filled with people fighting for their marriages or in different stages of recovery for whatever reason and stick around to "pay it forward" and being tricked, manipulated or having digs thrown at them regarding infidelity is just plain mean. If you are familiar with Dr Harley's works, then you should know that just because a person has had an affair doesn't make them "bad" or you "better" because you haven't. We are ALL wired for affairs and need to take precautions to avoid one. All of us.

I'm in shock, over here.

There was no infidelity on my part. Which evidently is worthy of "inappropriate and callous" comments from scorned by others posters.

It's been 10 years since those posts. Do you all browbeat and berate yourselves and your spouses for things that happened over 10 years ago? How unfortunate for you. Where is that "virtue" on the MarriageBulders website?

The bickering will stop now.

CarolynsFingers, you are free to post on this forum to seek guidance in your marriage. However, you are not free to hide your past posts from the posters who are trying to help you. You are not free to berate posters for wanting to know about your past posts.

We value honesty here.

Any questions, shoot me an email.

Carolyn the advice I gave 11 years ago remains the same. We can help you get from where you are to the marriage you want. Are you in? Ready to get to work? What do you see as your first steps?