Still, we match again. My xbf was married the same amount of time. At my time with him, had had been divorced for 8/9 yrs I think. I always wondered in my mind, if he were all that, why had he remained single for so long?? He had several long term relationships, but they failed. Hmm, another validation for me possibly?? I still try to find the reason "why" I couldn't get to the next level with him.

This dating thing is crazy. I think we look so deep into a person after being divorced. No repeats please!

Newly, I'm very impressed with your girls day. I don't know that I could have done that. That is a lot of kids, and to urgent care on top of that. Goodness! These kids will remember this when their our ages! Great memories.

Take care,
K!

Thanks. Remember I have great friends who help out too, and I hire my friend's daughter's to help.
Her daughters adore the younger girls and are fantastic role models for my girls.
My friend has 4 kids and has been remarried for 9 years now. I pray my children turn out as well as hers have. And I'm living the high school drama through her children, so hopefully I'll be better prepared.
There is so much more for all of us to explore in life. Enjoying our children, even with the struggles, and realizing all the blessings we have in family and friends really puts things into perspective. I've heard about alot of sick children this year too, and am blessed that we are all very healthy physically and working toward emotional health. This is a truly wonderful season.

A date would be fun, but I have all that I need right now.

Hi ladies -

Karona - Why do we always end up with so many similarities? One difference though is that although your guy had a lot of bachelor time in between marriage and meeting you, mine had none - big mistake on my part.

newly- The party sounds like a lot of fun. You are so willing to share the credit as well, what a great person you are!

My BF and I continue to stay distant as we work through stuff. What gets to me is that I feel like he is making this a control thing. If I mention anything he backs off, but if I back off, he comes on. I don't get it. I am really using all the MB stuff, being open and honest, but not making demands or disrespectful judgements. He just doesn't get it.

Even though we are distancing ourselves to sort things out, last night I took my son to my BF's basketball game (he coaches) because he had invited him to it and I didn't want to raise suspicion with my son. Anyhow, BF was very friendly. We had to leave right after the game so we didn't get a chance to talk to him, he had won so I texted him congratulations. He called shortly afterwards to talk, but we were having dinner so I told him I would call him back. Things were busy so it was an hour before I called. When I did, he was like, "You just got done eating?" I explained that between eating, cleaning up, and getting the kids settled it had taken a while. Then he was like no problem. We talked for quite a while, but I had to go and help the kids decorate. He said, "You are really busy, too busy for me tonight so I will talk to you tomorrow." I explained that at the moment I was busy, but would call him later when the kids went to bed. His response, "Whatever, it's really no big deal." To this I replied that it was a big deal to me and so he said, "Well, I guess I will talk to you later then."

From there the kids and I decorated the tree. I sent BF a text and said I wished he could be there. This set up a series of texts back and forth ranging from I'd like that to I don't know what I want on his part. I texted him saying I knew where I stood and what I wanted. From this he said call me later and we will talk.

I put the kids to bed and was taking care of some of my own stuff when he texted me asking why I hadn't called. I texted him I was working on some things and was going to call him shortly. This is another thing that gets to me, he will say to call when I finish up, but he never waits until I finish up.

Anyhow, I called him and told him that I really didn't want to get in a discussion about our relationship over the phone. He asked why and I told him that it was too important and that I felt it should be done in person so there were no miscommunications that are common when on the phone. He said ok. He then went on to talk about some tentative holiday plans we had and was asking me about picking a date. I talked about them with him and reminded him of some scheduling conflicts and he told me ok. The whole time I was thinking, how do we make holiday plans when we are talking about not being together? It leads me to believe he knows what he wants, but for some reason, most likely control, wants to keep me guessing. We talked a little bit more and he said he thought he'd get going. I told him ok and said goodnight and I love you. He said I love you to and we hung up.

About two minutes later he calls asking if I am ok. I told him yes and he asked if I was sure to which I said yes, but asked him why. He said I just seemed so calm and quiet. I told him he knew how I felt, and where I stood. I told him that I don't know the same about him, but am not going to demand anything and until he wants to be open I will be fine with things. I told him it was nice of him to check to see if I was ok though (even though I knew it was an excuse) and hung up.

So what's up here? When dealing with my XH I learned a lot about not reacting the way they think you will. Lately BF and I have just not been handling things right. When we disagree it leads to fights and that is not right. In the past week I have been looking at my role in this and resolved to change. I re-read my MB stuff along with other material and am working on role in our problems. Therefore, I am staying calm and handling things very well. I think this throws him. I also think he is testing me to see how much it will take for me to revert. A big problem I have is that I don't see him taking ownership. Sure he says stuff like he is parlty to blame, but I don't know that he really believes it.

Anyhow, that is my soap opera. I do love him, but am really struggling with what I want. It is nice to be able to come hear and get honest opinions and suggestions.

Hope you all have great days!

Take care and God bless!
K

Well, after numerous attempts on BF's part to get me to lose my cool (nothing major, just little jabs and all ignored by me), we ended up going to dinner last night and actually had a nice time. We talked about our issues and had a great conversation.

Who knows where we are headed, but I guess it is a start. I really dug deep and did a lot of reading. I re-read all of my MB stuff and put it into action. It never ceases to amaze me how well this stuff works. Anyhow, I know I can't control him, but I can control myself and for now I am focusing on my wants along with my role in our problems. I guess only time will tell.

Take care and God bless!
K

You're being wise to the positive ways of handling your relationship Still!

Would he be open to reading His Needs, Her Needs? Relationships do take two, and while you are doing the "right" things, he needs to also.

Just a thought.

Have a good weekend!
K!

Karona- Thanks for being honest. I couldn't agree more. Actually, since I seemingly passed his "test" he has been great. He talked about some of his shortcomings and seems to be making a genuine effort. I have thought about suggesting HNHN, but he hates to read. I talk about it all the time to him though, so we will see.

How are things going for you? Are you ready for the holidays? I am getting there, but nowhere near being finished. I have been spending too much time running to the kids' activities, and going to other events to finish.

Any big plans for the weekend? Not much here. Hopefully finish my shopping and start my wrapping!

Take care and God bless!

K

I meant it respectfully Still, I hope you read it that way.
I see you as strong and giving. I want someone to appreciate you for everything you are, and ease your load as you deserve that. That's where my thoughts were coming from.

Things here are pretty well. I'm pretty well done with shopping, just a couple minor things left only.
The girls and I are headed to my mom's in SC after Christmas to spend a couple days. I'm not looking forward to the drive [7hrs], but it will be nice to be with some family.
My weekends are pretty quiet. I'm really feeling not too good about where I live and the possibilities here.
I literally feel as if I was brought to this state and dumped. I know there is "Life" out there, but I can't see it. I keep trying to stay positive and believe there is a plan, but sometimes I lose my sense of humor.

Have a good weekend Still!
K!