He informed me that he had found somewhere to rent - and that he had told parents and OW before me - I found this very very hard. He informed me that I had suggested that he moved. Confirmed that it is an EA but he wants much more and she feels the same too - all seems pretty hopeless. Would be grateful for a critique on the draft:

My dearest Ant
It is truly sad what has happened to our marriage and us, and the path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation.
I know I have made mistakes in the past and I am truly sorry for helping to create an environment that has made it possible for your affair. I do know those things I was lacking in - I just didn’t understand how important it was to us.
The past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. My only consolation is the memories of the love we once shared, of the all good times we have spent together, your extraordinary qualities that led me to commit to spend my life with you and thoughts of us being together, someday happy again. Unfortunately, I now find those thoughts and feelings are slowly eroding away. Before I lose any more of the thoughts and feelings of what was once us, I must take some drastic steps.
As you know I am still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you. One, in which we both feel loved, safe, and cherished. I simply cannot continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are still involved with another person. It has become too painful. We can only rebuild our marriage, together, when you completely end your relationship with her.
Until that point, I feel I must break off all contact with you. To this end, I feel it is best that you find another place to stay, while I continue to stay at our home. I will avoid seeing you or talking to you or communicating with you in any way.
I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You must know the deep pain and humiliation I have endured because of your relationship with another woman. I simply cannot be in contact with you any longer and this separation is a necessity to preserve my love for you and to avoid poisoning all that we have shared together, and to give our marriage the best chance for recovery.
I will be willing to discuss our future together as soon as you are
• willing to permanently separate/have absolutely no contact with her, and
• willing to construct a plan to ensure a complete separation from her.
I have loved you in many different ways; as a girlfriend, as a wife, as a confidant and as a friend. I still love you today; I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are still involved with someone else.

This is a wonderful letter. Truly moved me. I hope I never have to send something like this but if plan A does not work then Plan B is the next plan isn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> amy

Thank you for your response - it is nice that you thought it OK. As I sit here he is at our home moving some of his things to a furnished flat - chosen by him and OW. Last night was the longest of my life and I am truly, truly heartbroken and I cannot believe that this pain will ever recede. I did a goodish Plan A since D/Day on 6th May - but did not expose as much as I should have and did it very late. waht a struggle it was to remain in Plan A 'mode' - no real difference - he is convinced that he has found real love with this other woman.

I feel your pain and have the same worries. There is no way I'd be helping him move though. All his stuff would be chucked out onto the front lawn! Well under the carport. lol

I don't think he has real love with this other woman. I think he is just taking the easy route right now. Will he keep taking it though and for how long are the hugely loaded questions. And how long can I take it? How long? how long? where is my life? what happened to my life? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> amy

Do you send a letter like that to the cheater involved in braking up the marriage?

Dear Braveheart, almost three years ago I was where you are. My H of almost 25 years (at that time, 27 now!) Said he loved me, but , not like it use to be. He said he needed time said he was moving in with a guy friend of his. Stupid me I gave him $300.00, told him everything would be ok, we'd work it out. What I did not know, The "guy" turned out to be a girl friend, literly! I did not find that out for about 2 months, but, he swore he was only renting a room from her and they were just friends. I believed him, he was my best friend he wouldn't lie to me! Anyway through snooping I listened in to a voice mail that she told him how much she loved him. Unforntantly I did not know about MB then, and for the next 6 months my FWH had his cake and ate it too, I was willing to become his mistress while he lived with his girlfriend (STUPID) I finally had to put a stop to it because I was losing my mind. It was tearing me apart he would hold me beg me not to give up on him, he'd work it out. Meanwhile he'd go to the house when I was at work and take things that we (me and the kids) had bought him in the past, power tools, Guitars ect, and pawn them for money cause they needed money! I was in complete denile. But to make a long story longer, I went to see a lawyer and told him it was time to make a decesion, and he did come home, it was extremly shakey at first, I think he was wobbling back and forth for a while (again I kept my blinders on,) But, after being outed a few times about still having contact with her he finally ended it. But it was hard and painful and I drove my self crazy trying to compete with this perfect person that he was "just so comfortable with". You are doing the right thing w/ plan B, it'll be so hard but, if I could go back I would have not of put myself through the pain of the back and forth, you have to do it for you own sake reguardless of how it turns out! We are recovering and through Christ Jesus all things are possible, I believe we are going to make it, but, hold on its going to be a bumpy ride, somedays you'll feel so strong and the next day (hour) you'll feel like your world will never be right again, just hang in there!!!!!!We are here for you..