My wife and I decided to experiment in the lifestyle of swinging. We made the decision to try it out together, with neither one of us expecting anything. After a couple of trials, we have been have long detailed discussions about our feelings of the lifestyle. I have grown to love it and have put alot of time and energy into it. I guess you could say that is has become a hobby of mine. She understands this and am happy I have found something I enjoy doing with her so much, but she just doesn't feel the same way. So now we are at a crossroads. She doesn't want to do it all, and I want to. She has offered to just do it for me, we tried that and it just wasn't pleasurable without her content. So we decided together that the best thing for us to do is just to not do it any more. I have been trying to isolate myself from it, but I seem to be becoming more and more depressed about giving up something I enjoy. Don't get me wrong she is worth exponentially more to me than swinging, but it still hurts to let go. I need some advice. I don't know what to do. Am I being selfish? I feel like I don't even deserve to be with her. Please advise.

Which of the following would you do if you were her and I asked you to be involved again? single choice
	Join Me
	Try to work something out
	Say choose it or me
	End Relationship
Votes accepted starting: 12/05/05 04:35 PM
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“””My wife and I decided to experiment in the lifestyle of swinging….”””

Ok y’all had an experiment and it failed. Despite this failing, because of her love for you she was then willing to do something against her will selflessly for you to bring you pleasure. And still there is no pleasing you because it as pleasurable for you, y’all decided to quit. Does that about sum it up? Yes, you are being totally self-centered and selfish. Take all that bottled up time and energy that you wasted on doing things against marriage and focus them on doing things constructive for a marriage. Dedicate all that time and energy to meeting your wife’s emotional needs and loving her the way she deserves to be loved. Show her ½ the selflessness that she’s already showed you and y’all can have an awesome rewarding marriage where you won’t need destructive hobbies.

Everything Bill said, x2.

Swinging can be as addicting as cigarettes or gambling. It's basically an affair with permission. You are addicted to the high of it and that's why you are depressed without it. You need an anti-drug. Maybe even anti-depressants for 6 months. If not that, then find something else that gives you pleasure that won't be harmful to your relationship no matter how much it costs. You may not find something that gets you that "high" but hopefully you can find something that will give you enough "high" that you will forget about your addiction over time. If you don't address it, it could cost you a wife.