Gee, I really do think WS are getting waaayyy to brave these days. To put BS through this emotional roller coaster ride then to make demands. Isn't it bad enough that we have to carry the heaviest load by watching and waiting for them to come out of the 'fog' to decide who they want? What happened to the days when the WS was considered to be 'in the dog house' & they had to do all the work in order to keep the M going? They had so much making up to do that they didn't have time to go through withdrawals from the A; the 'fog' didn't exist. These WS really got it made these days/ don't you think?

My WH had the nerve to call me from work this morning ....

Heres the sitch: We're currently recovering from an A he had with a co-worker that lasted about 2yrs6mnths. This A occurred during the downfall of our M. So the 1st thing we had to do was like Harley said 'determine if you want the M'. We decided we wanted to stay together but yet the A cont another 8months (off & on) after I originally found out (discovered at 1yr10mnths). I decided to stay solely because I was guilty of not providing alot of his needs...I was truly guilty so I decided I could try.

So as time went on I discovered the relationship was still pretty strong between them and that lasted up until she began giving him ultimatums/ me or her? And of course he chose her at which point I knew nothing of and was preparing to end the M with me. Im guessing that as time went by she began to get impatient because she started to pressure him. Let me make clear that at this point I still don't know any of this nor what was about to take place...until it took place. All I know is that she was having one of her impatient days and chose to let him know/he then told her that he wanted to make his M work/she got upset and threatened to tell me. He asked her not to, in fear that I would leave him. She sent me an email giving me her home # and requesting that I call her asap. I didnt respond. A few hours later I got a call from him....c o n f e s s i n g....blew my mind. To make a long story short I gave us another chance. I explained to him that this was it/ kids or no kids come ****** or hot water if he even so much as makes contact with her I am out of HERE.

So now 35 days into recovering (again)things are going somewhat good. It's pretty obvious he is trying and showing alot of remorse. We've had some good days and some bad which brings me to the dilema. I recently (about a monthe ago)posted an email here from OW about how much she loves him and so on... I chose not to respond too deeply because I wanted her to suffer some but one day here recently I had a bad day *** and finally I wanted to just tell her off and give her a piece of my mind. So I replied with a very challenging email as well as hers was promising me that he would be leaving me because he could not resist her. When I tell you I really let her have it. I LET HER HAVE IT! then I felt better.

Well anyway she in the end sent a copy to him at his work email address more less taking a innocent stance to the fact that I wont leave her along. Bull crap! "This would be no good with the many times youv'e called my house and hung up but the caller id has your name on it" Times when she knew he was at work and he's knows this ..... but he has the nerve to tell me to change the email address/no Im sorry * he demanded I change the email address so that we don't have to worry about getting anymore emails from her and we can move on.

Im asking you guys advice because I cant see straight right now. But my opinion is that he is in no position to make demands. I really didnt say much while he was talking because I was trying to keep peace + im trying not to be so outspoken now (ha)so help me out here. I believe that her being able to email me illiminates the phone calls and this way I can decide not only If I should answer the phone but I can decide if I choose to respond to her emailsand at the same time can see if she's saying anything I need to know because right now she's at the point where she wants all or nothing and if he shows her the least bit of attention shes going to spill because she doesnt want me in the picture/////at all.

Is it me and my insecurities or what?

Already: Yes we are in counseling, yes he is going to change job's/matter of a fact he suggested it and we are in the process of doing so after the house sells.

I would say go ahead and change the email address.

Kenda,
Have you exposed to her family or husband??? (if married).

Exposing to her husband would be ideal, because you could both compare and insure there is no contact.

Also, definately encourage your w/s to get another job. NC is needed for your w/s to come out of the fog and real recovery to begin.

I would definately stop the emails. She has already demonstrated that she will use anything that you say or do to gain your w/s's sympathy and love.

Honor your w/s request, but install a keylogger on the PC and monitor the cell phone records as well as keep your eyes open for continuing affair.

Continued contact with the rabid o/w is a big LB. You are withdrawing love points every time you have a confrontation with the rabid dog, who will twist anything you say into what she wants.

Obviously she is not afraid of making contact with the Xws. hm.... I know the OW in my case would call whenever she felt she was 'losing the race'. Heck, didn't know there was even a race. I don't compete with aliens. LOL!!!

Now your H wants u to change your addy? Howz about blocking her addy? Hm... yea she could change and resend from a different address but let her do the work. Also what's he doing about his addy @ work?!?!?! That's the more dangerous one. You can handle the contact from your end 'cuz there's no danger of you having an A with this nutcase. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I think you need to present it in a clear and calm manner, something like:

BS: Honey, I understand you want me to change my addy. That is not the problem. What concerns me is the OW's ability to reach out and slap both of us via your e-mail addy at work. So what r u going t/d about that? Or what agreement can we come to regarding her contacting you? Will your company allow you to block her addy?

WS: Ummmm... uuuhh.... I'll have to check.

Well something like that. See in my case the OW loved to create e-mail address. Her addy names consisted of both the WS and OW's names like klovesS and SlovesK. Very juvenile.

When the OW sent me addys, I would send a copy to her service provider and let them know the OW was harrassing my family. Since the OW in my case usually tried to hurt me, it was obvious to the service providers that she broke the TOS (terms of service) and in at least 3 - 4 cases, they shut her addies down. LOL!!! It was great, she lost all those e-mails she was saving.

The Xws maybe having a hard time dealing with 2 women fighting over him syndrome. You may have to remind him that u r a lady and don't need to fight over your man. That your men fight over you, not visa versa. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.