Technically he's a pastor first, but does counseling when needed.
He's wasn't familiar with Dr. Harley's materials except for knowing the book title HNHN. However, he gave me some remarkable advice that builds upon A & B.
I went to see him mainly about me to hear a pastor’s advice. I was hurting and wanted a compassionate ear. I also was hoping he could offer a different perspective in helping me to face my personal issues that I never really faced from the divorce.
On Dec.3 I posted my nightmare here (feel free to offer thoughts):
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=2876369The pastor's advice:
1. For me to be consistent in small things. She needs to be able to rely on what I tell her and not feel doubt in my words that actions won't back up my words.
2. My behavior speaks the loudest/ actions speak louder than words. On a side note, I remember hearing this statement somewhere: "As Christians we are to 'preach' the gospel - use words if necessary". I like that and want to use the underlying meaning with my behavior and consistency.
3. Children need to see that their dad loves their mother, that the atmosphere at home is warm and affectionate, and that they have a safe environment in which to come home.
He said that I am a model of Christ for my child(ren) as well as a model for my spouse. He said that Christ is our model for loving a our spouse.
He asked me to think about how Christ would treat His bride. My answer: Christ does not force anyone to accept His ideals, He d/n make demands of anyone, He d/n unleash his wrath (anger) upon us because we disobey (sin). He does gently and consistently provide opportunity for us to have our own thoughts and viewpoints.
4. He said that spouse is assessing who is in her long-term best interest, and that I should think about what I have to offer her. Then I need to live out those qualities for her.
These four points are a different take on living out my approach to Plan A. I've been reading Harley's information so much lately that I've forgotten to think about how Christ gave us marriage to be a horizontal relationship that reflects His vertical relationship with us. He is the example; Harley’s information provides tools to follow THE example.
