I will spare you all the gory details but I did a Plan "A" for 6 months and then went to plan B. My H was spending money rather lavishly on himself and OW at the expense of me and the children. I decided to file for a legal separation to protect myself and the children. He responded by filing for a divorce. I then went into the mindset the marriage was over and made plans to move on with my life. We have gone to court a few times and H has taken a lot of hits in the pocketbook. The court ordered him to pay a very large amount of child and spousal support. He also has to pay for 90% of daycare and medical. That's a lot for 3 children under 5.

Bottom line he can no longer afford to live his lavish life sytle with the OW because most of his income is going to me.

Now he is saying he wants the marriage to work. His timing leaves a lot to be desired. He says he sent a no contact letter to the OW and even showed it to me. I don't trust him one bit. I thought about letting the divorce go through and maybe if we still have something we could see about getting back together.

What do you think? Anyone have any feedback?

Do YOU want him back? What are YOUR reasons?

If you accept him back, do it under YOUR conditions, not his. Do NOT accept one single cop out on ANTHING from him...make it clear up front what you expect from him. Don't be afraid to insist on a lot of things to be done BEFORE he comes back to your home either.

This is now about YOU, and your kids. NOT him, his wants, his desires. If you accept him back, make sure that it's for the right reasons, that he's being honest, that you can trust him again. And if you get ANY indication that you can't trust him again...tell him that, tell him what the problem is, and don't let him in until he's either fixed it or moved on.

Many FWS's come back and try to set things up the way that THEY want...don't accept that.

These are just my feelings on my situation. Our divorce will be final soon. I often ask myself what I would do if he wanted to stop it in the 11th hour and we were able to. One part of me would like to be able to say we never divorced. But the other part of me that has been severely taken advantage of for the past year tells me to let the divorce go through. We can always get remarried and the new marriage would symbolize our new relationship. Divorce is expensive. If we scapped it at this point, I would have to start all over again if husband went back to other woman again. Who's to say the legal process would go as smoothly as it went this time? Also, I don't think I have the energy to go through it again if he came back and didn't stay. The divorce is giving you and your children security. I say let it continue. If he is sincere in his reasons for returning, you can always remarry. If he continues to carry on his affair, you and your children are protected. Let's hope that the financial shock brought him back to reality and he honestly wants his marriage back. Just my two cents.

My exH wanted to come back that is because he signed the house over to me. I told him no that I wanted the D and in time with me having to learn to trust him again we would see. He never came back after that one time - went back to OW and never left there. So I think let the D go through and see what happens. He sure didn't think about you or the children when able to spend a bundle on OW. I would always feel like he came back because he had no other options. If he wants back in it should be for his love of family and you. That would take me time to believe again.

How long has all of this been going on?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Lem are you saying sour grapes??? Poor Wh he has hit his reality ck and wants back in to have money...