In His Needs Her Needs, page 97 talks of the different types of lying husbands.... mine is a born liar. The book however, does not say how to deal with the born liar, except to say that they will probably continuing lying forever...(great!!) I have been with my husband for 6 years, married for 2.5 years. It was a rude shock to find out my husband was a born liar, lying about anything and everything, both important and non important. He has improved since I threatened divorce, though nothing can rid my nagging suspicions and bouts of depression when remembering the past...he also slips back into his bad habits now and then... I have stuck with my husband as I love him unconditionally and he treats me like a princess in every other way. Is there no hope for the marriage of a born liar?? What is the wife of the born liar supposed to do?? Now that I know the disease, what is the cure??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I once read that people with problems about lying who still treat their partners quite well are the easiest to help. It is sad for the liar but only confusing for the spouse and not so troublesome. These people tend to lie because they have very low self-esteem, and their lies are usually about various "accomplishments" they claim to have done in their life, or about how much other people respect them, etc.

Twenty-five years ago my sister married a man who spun more yarns than a sweater factory. His impoverished childhood brought on his low self esteem. Today he is a straightforward, confident, successful father, businessman and husband.

All of us need a cheerleader in our corner, but I suspect these lying spouses need it more than others.

One of our greatest responsibilities in a loving marriage is to support and encourage our spouses to become the best people they can be. My husband does this for me. By helping me to feel good about myself, he gives me the confidence and courage to step out, take risks, and grow.

The first thing you can do is to make a list of all your husband’s strengths. Then whenever you see him displaying those strengths, compliment and thank him for the competence and excellence he brings into your life because of them. Your enthusiasm will put a smile on his face for sure.

The next think you can do is to try and ascertain if your husband can use any kind of encouragement or empowerment to overcome fear. This is a little more abstract—you need to get a sense of his potential. A discussion of his personal goals and dreams sometimes can help.

Always remember to watch out for criticism or negative comments about him or his character. I once heard that it takes seven positive comments to outweigh one negative. NEVER criticize in front of others. On the other hand, there is nothing like a little public affirmation.

Tell him as often as you can how much you love and cherish him, how much you admire and want him.

Always provide a safe place for him to land. Create an environment where he knows that he can share anything openly and freely without the slightest hesitation--that he never needs to lie to maintain your love.

Thank you very much Pieta... I can see the logic in what you say... My husband disliked studying and barely scraped into college, and had always felt envious of his wealthy college friends who drove flash cars and were set for life because of "daddy's" wealth. However, 6 years after graduating from college, he is now very successful in his career, relying on his likeable personality and street smarts rather than his academic record, today... I find it hard to attribute my H's lying to low self esteem (although there seems to be no other plausible reason), he is handsome and was very popular in school, was captain of the swimming and athletics team, and during college had no shortage of women running after him... even today he is still the life of the party... indeed it was his smooth talking and humourous personality that made me fall for him... perhaps it is all a front and that deep down, even Mr Popular has insecurities...

My Dad has always been like this and all of us family members know it. I'm sure his 4th wife is about sick of it, but she seems to just shrug it off. I don't think it is curable, as Dad is almost 70 and still up to his old tricks. The thing about it is that everyone knows that they are liars because sooner or later they get caught in their lies. So, instead of trying to cure it, you can only learn to cope with it as everyone else in his family has learned to do. Maybe it will make you feel better to talk to one of them about it and then at least you will know you are not alone. I'm sure all of them feel some resentment over it. I always found it embarrassing in social situations and I would just walk away when Dad would start with some [censored] story. Now, at 43 years old, I just laugh it off. But it took a long time for my reaction of anger and resentment to turn to laughter and maybe over time, yours will too?? I hope the best for you.