Spouse has been havind EA for over 6 yrs
DD was july 05
NC phone call supposedly made one week after DD (I was not present to verify it ever took place)
How do you go about rebuilding trust????
How do you deal with wondering IF infact the relationship is over. I snoop but don't find any thing.
This uncertainty is eating at me every day
Do you just trust your spouse until you find out otherwise.Or do you live with the doubts and mistrust??

Too soon to go into the trust thingy ....

Has your "spouse" made his/her self transparent to you?

are you a man or a woman?

J,

Even if you could verify that the A is over it's still too early for many to trust. If you both are working at recovery and the WS is being open and honest with you then trust is something that you will naturally begin to feel over time. But only with the help of the WS.

Many here will tell you to seek out MC and/or IC. It isn't absolutely necessary, but it helps SO much and makes it easier for the both of you to reach your goals of recovering your M.

WHY DOES IT MATTER IF I AM A MAN OR WOMAN??????????

Knowing your gender helps me communicate with clarity.

I am a woman. Age 56. happily married for 24 years. Recovered from infidelity for 10 years.



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

woman

It's not uncommon for men and women to have different needs as their priorities. Therefore, they tend to have affairs for different reasons. Knowing some of the basics helps some of the veterans on how to advise.

Do you just trust your spouse until you find out otherwise?

It has been said that enjoying the trust of your partner is like earning a paycheck. Being trusted is NOT like enjoying lottery winnings.

In other words ... once the trust has been broken, it must be earned back ... over time ... based on trustworthy behavior.


Or do you live with the doubts and mistrust??

Yes.
You live with the doubts and mistrust until the time comes that your trust has been earned back

or

you decide you don't choose to live with someone who is not trustworthy.

bump for newbie

First I'm so sorry for your sitation but you are in great "hands" here at MB.
It will be difficult to readily trust your spouse once trust has been broken but as many here have said.. it takes time.. I know time seems to be against us BS but unfortunately the only way thru it is thru "IT"
You can request things in the meantime from your WS such as transparency in the relatinship (ie. open access to email accounts, passwords, cell phone, bank statements etc.) or whatever it waas that helped him aid in his deception.

My FWS had two email affairs and also was secret with his cell phone. Now that we are hopefully in recovery, I have the passwords of his email accounts, changed his cell phone number and I have his password to that. Also, I have requested his cell phone be on ring at all times and in the bedroom during the night. I have full control over all money. He calls me when he arrives to work, IM's me throughout the entire day, calls me on his way home.. and we just started MC.

And yet I'm still insecure and dont' trust him.. but that's b/c it all takes time.. Eventually if things continue as they are, then that will be earned back. IF you snoop and do not find anything.. then I would interpret that as a good thing. and just trust in the saying "everything done in the dark will come to the light" Eventually. In the meantime if you wish your marriage to work.. forgive, and try to move on. Talk to him and express what your feeling, It would help if he is patient and understanding throughout this time.

Would you be willing to provide more details on the A?, Each situation is unique to every one of us but we have some great "experts" here willing to help

Take Care