I don’t know where to begin. I’m lost and hurting and confused and don’t even know much about computers to know if I’m doing this right. I also don’t know the abbreviations of things so please forgive me.
Last May I came home from work to find my wife gone, a dear John letter and was served with divorce papers the next day. We have had our problems through the years but nothing that I thought was not in any relationship. I have phoned my wife on several occasions trying to resolve what the problem may be without success. Last night on the phone she clearly stated she wished no further contact and in no way would she consider any further conversation or marriage counseling. Shortly after getting served I began seeing a therapist. The only thing I could or needed to talk about was my wife and the confusion I am feeling. This continued for three months. At that time my insurance cut off and the therapist stated that without my wife’s input and cooperation she could not help resolve whatever our differences are or explain my wife’s choice.
On a more impersonal note I am terribly worried about the financial situation. I am not a young man and within two years of retiring. My wife has or will have no financial problems because of gifts and will from her mother. She is now living in her mothers home that is willed to her . Her mother is in a rest home and unfortunately not doing well. From the bank records I have found my wife has recently cashed in $20,000 in bonds that were evidently a gift from her mom. My wife is asking for half the bank, checking, 401K and my retirement and in all honesty would have been a great deal more if I would have not married her. She was fond of diamonds and gambling junkets. I still have a house payment. The old car I drive has almost 200,000 miles on it. I am not in the best of heath and just don’t see a way out. I have spoken with two attorneys and they seem to agree that I am not in a good position. I am just too old and tired with physical problems to start over. I don’t even want to think of these things. I just want my wife back.
Somebody tell me how to resolve this. Please.

I am sorry you find yourself here. Have you done any investigating to see if there is another man? Most times the only reason a woman would leave is if she met someone else or there was abuse.

Since your wife is looking at a far amount of inheritance did either attorney mention that you may be entitled to this "future inheritance"....Cover your butt with good legal advise...

First, read up on everything on this site (not just these discussion forums). This will provide you hope and direction.

The divorce laws vary from state to state, so you should educate yourself on what they are for where you live. Go to Divorce Source or Divorce Info and read up. Knowldge is power in this type of situation, and this will help with any lawyer discussions you have, thereby possibly saving some legal fees.

In my state, everything a person inherits (i.e., through death of another) is theirs. But everything that was earned during the marriage by one of the partners (i.e., your retirement plan, or her diamonds) would be considered community property. Also, I question the $20k bonds she cashed - if this is a gift from her mother (who is still alive) then it is above the IRS $11k gift tax exclusion and she (or possibly both of you, if you're still married) should have to pay taxes on the $9k that's above it.

Your wife is asking for half of the community property you listed here for us. But you need to list EVERYTHING that is of value - pieces of furniture, her jewelry, anything she earned during your marriage, etc. You both should draw up lists and then compare and cross-reference them to make sure something isn't "forgotten". Then start from there on negotiations: You get half her jewelry if she gets half your IRA, (or you keep your IRA and let her keep the jewelry), etc...

You've seen two lawyers. Do you feel like one of them was a good match to represent you?

I believe that to focus on whether or not your wife is unfaithful, or how you can protect yourself in a divorce, is not going to help you repair your marriage and restore the love between you. Your wife left, as I understand Dr. Harley's work, because (1) you were not meeting enough of her emotional needs for her to remain in love with you, and (2) you were continuing with Love Busters that withdrew love units from your Love Bank account with her. Have you read the rest of the website, or some of Dr. Harley's books on the subject? It is very encouraging and will give you not only hope, but a solid, proven plan for how to restore the loving marriage you once had long ago. It is not a judgement that you were wrong, she was right - sustaining a loving marriage is something we all have to learn, not something that just comes naturally. I think that if you read Dr. Harley's work, you will see the situation from a very different perspective and will be able to see clearly how you can behave in order to make your wife fall in love with you again and need to be with you. Don't waste your time and love worrying about whether or not your wife has betrayed you with another man, or how to proceed in your divorce. If you focus on love and follow Dr. Harley's program, I believe you will find yourself back with the woman you love, with no need of mistrust or divorce.

Thanks so much for everyone's reply. There was no type of abuse in our marriage. I can't even remember the last time we had a disagrement on anything. I sure don't think there was another person envolved. My wife is slightly older than I am. She has been taking medicine for depression and a bad heart for several years but I would have thought that if this was a problem I would have seen some hint of it. From our last conversation it was like talking to a stranger. Not the loving person that I have known.
As far as the finances and property goes both lawyers said the same things. All gifts or inheritance (her mother is still living) are separate property and the rest is community property.
I have read everything on this site several times and will read it again. Under the cimcumstances of my wife not even agreeing to talk and her lawyer pressing the divorce I can't seem to even a hint of resolving our problems.
Thanks so much for replying. I really don't have anyone to talk to. It means a lot.