My BF of 10 mo's broke up w/ me almost 2 mo's ago and I'm still really struggling and can't seem to let go.....

It was a lovely relationship, full of humor, fun, kindness and true respect and it's been very hard to accept that it's over.

One of my fav's is In The Meantime and am currently re-reading it. Would love any other suggestions.......Thanks!

I can't recommend this one because I haven't read it, but I just saw "Its Called a Breakup Because Its Broken", written by the woman who wrote "He's just not that into you" on a book table at the grocery store tonight. Maybe someone else can comment.
Barnes & Noble Site

I LOVE "In The Meantime". It got me through a few breakups.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I, too, had a wonderful, "healing relationship" following my divorce. Two and a half years later we ended things, mutually but painfully. I have good memories from those times but I know that Hubby makes the better husband.


Mrs. W8ing

I have the book that W8ing has recommended.
It has some good points in it, but mostly, I think it all comes down to time.

I too had the relationships that you both are describing.
I'm not trying to be discouraging, but, it has taken all of 6.5 months to get to the place where he doesn't consume my thoughts, and I'm not playing all the what if's any longer. For me, it was a daily struggle. We had something wonderful, but there was a piece missing. I've come to find out, the piece was myself because I wasn't healed enough to be in the relationship.

Reading is always good, anything to better ourselves, but I think time is also important.

Thinking of you!
Karona

Mrs. W8tng!!! You have the quote I was looking for the other day! -> ***You did then, what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better, Maya Angelo*** Yay!

Devastated, I'm sorry. I know how it feels to be dumped too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Time makes a big difference!!! Filling your life helps too, with doing things for YOU. "Mars and Venus Starting Over" is a good book for moving forward. My xBF mentioned a book to me... something like "The Art of Breaking Up".

Something else that seems to help me, is to write a letter to him... trying to understand his position, and to let him go. (Don't send it!!!) You can even describe to him how you feel. Another healing step is to write a letter as if he was writing back to you to comfort you and explain more about needing to move on.

Hang in there!
hugssssss,
Faith1

It's actually "The Dirt on Breaking Up" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thank you so much ladies! Will hit B&N.com when I'm finished here.....

MrsW~~yes, that's exactly how I'd describe my recent relationship--a wonderful healing one. Prob is I wasn't ready for it to be over, but alas, he was and needed to focus on his issues. Just wish it didn't hurt so damn much!

Karona~~"I'm not trying to be discouraging, but, it has taken all of 6.5 months to get to the place where he doesn't consume my thoughts, and I'm not playing all the what if's any longer. For me, it was a daily struggle." Gawd, that me to a tee right now *sigh*...yes, I hear ya, time makes all the difference and I just wish I could sleep thru some of this grief. I HATE feeling this way. I figured it would take me a good 6 mo's if not longer. I fell hard for this guy.

Faith~~will check out those book suggestions and I'm definitely going to do the letter thing. I know my friends are sick of listening to me, poor souls....I'm gonna check out your other book, (on your other thread) the Boundaries in Dating one. SOunds interesting! (told ya I was a professional lurker <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> )

Thanks again Ladies! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

DW~~

Oh how I know what you mean.
I'm honestly telling you, I marked off the days on the calendar from the break up until I started to not dwell on things anymore. I think I stopped marking the calendar a little over a month ago, but it's painful.
And OH do I know what you are saying about your friends. I thought I would chase away friends. Who would have ever thought we could fall hard after our spouses left us for another? At least we know we still have hearts and are capable of loving again!

I THINK I'm almost there where I can say, I'm okay and will be okay without him.
I hope when I do see him face to face again, that I'm strong enough and know deep down in my heart, that he was not the guy that was intended for me.
I kind of have that feeling now, but I will know when it all happens face to face.

Thinking of you!
Karona

Well, K you give me hope and I need it. Sure sux feeling like poo <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

"Who would have ever thought we could fall hard after our spouses left us for another?" Ain't it something? Never thought it possible, but so nice to know I could open up again. After my sep/div, I had the classic rebound relationship that was a nightmare, but I learned so much! Don't regret it for one minute even though it was painful also, just much less so. As for my current ex-BF, worlds different but so was I....amazing how smoothly things can go when you learn to love yourself again!

*sigh* heartbreak bites <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

So, you don't regret your rebound/"growing" relationship?
I carried shame for mine because of timing and when we met.
I felt I should have met my guy after my divorce was final, and felt I should have been stronger to wait until that time.

I learned from knowing him, and learned that I could love again, so that was a positive.

I hope you are feeling better soon.
Karona

Oh, don't get me wrong, I carried shame also, but it was b/c of the person I BECAME in that relationship. It was too soon, I hadn't healed, I'd been out of the dating game for so long and I was completely infatuated and drunk on the feelings I was feeling. I was needy, insecure, had very little boundaries and allowed myself to be treated w/ disrespect. It was completely toxic. Ugh, I cringe just thinking about it, but no I do not regret it because I learned and grew so much! When you know better you do better right? (Faith1 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) Ironically, this relationship gave me a ton of perspective on infidelity (not that this relationship involved infidelity of any kind) and the emotions involved w/ it and how easily one can get carried away and lose yourself when drunk w/ these crazy feelings. Am I making any sense?

I spoke w/ exBF tonight (only 2nd time since we've spoken since the break-up) and although it was extremely difficult, it was a good talk and very much the closure I needed. I'm just thankful I can look back on this relationship positively, even though there's still alot more grieving to do.........

DW~~

Hmm, and my shame stemmed all from timing. I met him 2 mos after my x left. [note: I had tried for the whole previous year to save my marriage, completely one sided]
I had a the desolve of my marriage combined with another life changing experience at one time to deal with, and really needed someone. It didn't feel like it was need at the time, but finally someone comforted me, and he was incredibly good to me.

I was talking to a good friend the other day. I said, that I'm completely over xbf, but then I stopped. I would like to think that is true, but I don't know that I can honestly say that unless if I were to run into him and "feel" that way.
I learned from my relationship too, but I've also learned that I'm very afraid to be vulnerable to someone again.
It takes a long time to get over this heart stuff.
It's taken me every bit of almost 7 months now.

Glad you had a good talk with xbf and you have closure.

K!

I've read that book "It's called a break up because it's broken". I thought it was awesome, full of some laughs and good common sense...
In fact, I passed it on to a friend. I highly recommend it!

Thanks Drita. I may check it out. I could use some laughs. I read the other book, "He's just not into you".

K, I suspect it's going to take me a long time to get over my exBF. It was a good talk, I said alot I needed to say, ask what I needed to ask and not be too emotional, but man it was painful and still is and I'm struggling a bit today.....

My biggest fear right now? I find myself w/ swirling negative thoughts about relationships in general. I'm feeling a bit hopeless on that front, like, if this one didn't work, where we were in the same place in life (or so I thought), agreed on the direction of our relationship, had major chemistry, mutual respect, fun, and just about clicked in every area blah blah, will I meet someone else I'm as compatible w/??? Yes, I find myself in a negative pit today and I don't want to lose hope.

Man, this heart stuff IS tough.
Thanks for sharing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I really do appreciate it

Devasted, I think what you are feeling is COMPLETELY normal!! In fact, I know it is!
It would be easy for us all to give in to being cynical, but DON'T!
Just like I said earlier...there is something out there for me that is more fantastic than I can even IMAGINE!!!
Don't settle, keep your eyes open, along with your heart, and he'll show up. I have faith in that...
A counselor told me my heart is on the gas, and my head is on the brake. I need to get them to work together...
BUT we are FABULOUS!!! WE WILL NOT SETTLE!
He wasn't the one, because there was a break up!
cuz it was broken!
Keep strong, we're here for ya!

Thanks Drita <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I need all the cheering on I can get.

Today was awful and I think I'm all cried out for the moment. This rollercoaster really sucks and I want off....

I SOOO want to get my gas and breaks in gear. Like I said before, I hate feeling like poo <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I did have a great weekend though! Went to a fabulous Christmas party out of town at my best gf's bf's house and met alot of nice people and although an ego boost to have a couple of men interested, I'm so not ready to even think about going there....

Which reminds me of this really funny quote I read in a campy break up book........

Author recommended that the best way to get over a man is to immediately go out and sleep w/ someone else cuz it's a good idea to put some distance b/w you and the past relationship.......so about 5-7 inches should do nicely <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />