Dear Ones,

Thanks for always be here...I have a feeling I'll need you all. Today H said he was filing for divorce - he doesn't want to be married to me anymore. We've been separated for almost a year - he never got beyond my stupid and selfish affair to look at us and how things were between us.

One of the things that was always so difficult for me during the marriage was that he was so negative. So it's not suprising that he's been very negative throughout this time... never wanting to do the work necessary to try and repair our marriage.

I know I have to take care of myself. I've never been divorced and don't know what to expect! I don't want to contact a lawyer - but I guess I have to. I don't want to think about what I want and need to move on - but I guess I have to. I don't want to do anything really but try to work on our marriage - but I guess I don't get to!

Plus my mother is sick... sometimes I feel like all of this is just too much - and then I remember my dog and my friends, and I feel loved <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />.

I hope you all will indulge me and be my friend during this terrible time...and since I know all of you are "friends of marriage" I am hopeful that you will help me learn from my mistakes and help me heal and move into a better place.

Thanks for listening.
Cis

I'm in a simular situation and just want to offer prayers. You do need to work on yourself and if you have any faith in Christ at all, build on that. I know I would not be able to do any of this without knowing Christ is there walking with me through this. Its tough and heartbreaking. I know all too well. Hang in there and seek out a lawyer so you know your rights. God Bless.

Hi Cis,

Yep, it sucks. It sucks to have devoted all your time and energy into saving something that can't be saved by just one person and to have to go through it all.

My divorce was final on Nov. 18, H told me he "would be happier not married" on July 11. At first I said that since he was the one who wanted the divorce he would have to figure it all out and make it happen.

But in the end, I pretty much took charge. It made me feel much better to have something to focus on, even if it was just the divorce process, than sitting around being miserable and waiting for something to happen. We did not have any children and were able to stay amicable and agree on the terms of the divorce - so did not need any lawyers.

I have been amazed at how much calmer my life is now, and at how able I am to be happy without my ex's negativity and criticism. And even though I would rather have been working on making my marriage work - this is ok.

Give yourself time, be forgiving of yourself, no one really cares if you wander the grocery store aisles in tears <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />and things will get better. Try to stay as sane and true to your values as you can be through the divorce. You are the one who will make yourself able to hold your head up high through the whole thing and retain your self respect.

There is light at the end of the tunnel - I'm only just reaching the edges - and it is better than I thought it would be.

Good luck, find little hapinesses as much as you can, and remember that this is a new beginning and an opportunity - not punishment.

-K

Thanks for the nice words....I am having such a hard time getting into a place of reality...until Saturday night.

I went to a lovely holiday party. Wonderful people, good food and sweet little dog. A woman came into the room and we exchanged introductions etc. She asked if I was married to an artist and I said no, I was married to a doctor, but sadly we are separated. Then she said what's his name and I told her. She replied that she is a divorce attorney representing my husband! I blanched and felt like I was going to throw up! I blurted out - "is he really going to divorce me?"...the room hushed. She said "well he's ambivelent". I asked her not to be offended, but that I had to go home and cuddle my little dog. I feel do bad, and I hope that I didn't put a damper on the party but I just had to leave and go lie down...

I guess I shouldn't be passive any longer and should hire my own attorney (even though husband always said he wanted a mediator) - I just don't have the energy for this. yuck!