Yeah, Mel...I had that one coming. Perhaps I secretely missed you, and was subconsciously hoping to "lure" ya out with this.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

tricky yankee devil... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mimi.....that is also a vaild point and one she can help get "clarity" with by being here.

I don't discount that POV, and one can always get a job down the line...BUT, I just want to make sure she understands the "potential" ramifications of "sitting" on this in "hopes" of her Wayward magically getting his "act" together after a year of this stuff.

AS long as she knows what she is "getting" for her money, it is all good in my opinion.

Caveat Emptor.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am NOT a goldigger. I can make plenty of my own $$. That is not why I am fighting for my M nor the reason I married my H.

Sorry I mistyped...my H has already done his medicine residency and is finishing his cardiology fellowhip.

I have and am interviewing for jobs. I dont have to make any decisions right now, but will in the near future.

Endhorizon, I am sorry but I dont feel the same as you.

Endlesshorizon:

LOL.....I can only assume that you are posting this stuff to get a "rise" out people here. That's ok, most people see this for what it is. Realize that. I ask you once again, what is your story?

An MD with dermatology training does NOT need to lure a a "cardiac" specialist to make a nice living.

Once again, I don't necessarily find issue with your POV, but your "tact" and way of saying things is extremely distasteful and will put a number of people "off".

Take it from me, "takes one to know one".
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem

Sounds good....I was hoping you'd say that.

Goodluck with this and with telling your parents tomorrow. We all think it is the best thing for you and perhaps your marriage.

Lem :grin

Lemmonman and others,

Ever since my H met this OW, he's has not been on top of things as he once used to be. He hasn't interviewed for any jobs, and he doesnt read or study much of anything anymore. Before he was always reading journals, studying for boards, or something. And now he even calls in sick when he has a late night out (and doctors dont ever call in sick...and even we did, no one seems to believe it).

Anyway, he seems to really be in disneyland.

Stella

Yeah, Stella, read here long enough and you will see it is all pretty standard stuff for cheaters.

I truly pity your WH's patients most of all, who have to get their cardiac cath's performed by a man in "la la" land. The patients are scared enough as it is, imagine if they knew, their Cardiologist was getting drunk every weekend, not reading the latest journals, not studying for a hgis certifying boards and calling in sick every week, and cheating on his young wife several states away. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

It is no wonder he is not interviewing for jobs. Let me let you in on something that you may very well know already. Health Care workers are the worlds' biggest gossips. If you want to get the "word" out about something...tell your medical colleague a secret.

Your WH actions are NOT going unnoticed, and his career and future job prospects are very well being affected by all of his actions. It is not going UNNOTICED. All the more reason to do everything in your power to escalate the pressure of the affair.

Even if your marriage does NOT survive (and it may very well not), you can say you did the right thing in helping this troubled guy out.

I have not told you what I would do if I were in your shoes, because I don't want to prejudice you...and I have learned from being here since July of 2004, that what is right for me, may not be right for you.

Goodluck

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Stella:

Yes..your WH is following the standard script...

Same was true for my FWH..whose successful business started going downhill...

Just like any other ADDICTION..an AFFAIR is SELF-DESTRUCTIVE...

My bias is that a MARRIAGE is a LIFETIME COMMITMENT that you and your WH made to each other..

He has become LOST from YOU...

If you have to walk away, do it knowing that you have done all that YOU CAN to salvage WHAT GOD HAS BROUGHT TOGETHER...


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

I feel the same way as you about marriage, and I am not ready to walk away.

Well, I am on my way to tell my parents shortly. Wish me luck.

As far as exposure is concerned, would it be a good idea or not to let WH and OW's workplace know. They dont work together. My MIL actually managed to find out where OW worked. I thought I would ask before I considered doing it.

Thanks.

IMO, do as much EXPOSURE as possible.

BTW, what is her profession? Gives me a read on her....

Hey Mimi,

She works for a software company in his city. Other than that I dont know much about her, except that "she is a really good person" (per WH). Her parents are supposedly VERY Catholic, and when I spoke to her mother, all she kept saying was "i will pray for you." According to my WH, he said that they said they understood the situation and circumstances, and that he needs to leave me. This really angered my MIL, since she also a practicing Catholic. She also called her parents, and the converstation quickly went south, and they just wound up yelling at one another. My MIL has learned that she holds a prominent position in church as the director of religous education. So she going to speak to the priest of that church and fill them in. This is completely her decision and I dont have much to do with it.

If I do expose to his and her workplace, what do I say that is tactfull without sounding vindictive.

I will call out for help on EXPOSURE for you..there are far more experienced MBers about this....

I will say that if the OW was "A GOOD PERSON" she is NOT a "GOOD PERSON" now...

Stella, I would do some investigation, if I were you, to find out what her job is....

BTW, check out PEPPERBAND'S THREAD..."THE CARROT AND STICK OF PLAN A"....

Mimi,

Just waiting for my inlaws to pick me up to go over to my parents house. I am so nervous.


Anyway, after 3 days my WH finally called a few minutes ago. He said that every time we talk, that I pretend that things are okay ( I guess he is referring to my plan A), and that bothered him. I told him that everything I have ever done or said was to help my marriage. I told him that I knew things were not okay, but am willing to try. We only talked for a few minutes. He told me to call him back after lunch.

Well, as far as the investigating the OW is concerned, all I know now is the name of the company and some phone numbers.

Thanks.

Stella~~

I want to say that I'm very impressed with your in-laws for standing by you.

They must be wonderful people, you are blessed.

I hope everything went well for you today.

Karona

Stella,
How did the exposure go with you parents? My in-laws have stood by me and it is great to have that respect from them. I hope it went well.

Take care
Van

Van,

It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I couldnt get my words out without crying. My in-laws did most of the talking initially. The look in my dads eyes is something I will never forget. He never looked so sad. My mom and sister fell apart. My brother stormed out and left. They were in complete disbelief. My in-laws apologized for their son.

They were crushed. They felt they lost a son....But, all of you were right, they wish I had told them earlier, ... They said they will support me in whatever decision I make.

Stella