LEAVE IT ALONE!!

PLAN A..the best WIFEY that YOU CAN BE....

I have made it through another day of not bringing up OW or talking about our future (assuming I dont say anything to mess it up later tonite). It is pretty hard not to. I almost blew it this morning, though. This morning I found out he called her really last night after the game (I checked the cell records). So, I called him early this morning on his cell, home, and pager because I was upset. Thankfully I didnt leave any messages, because I was mad. By the time he called me back, I has calmed down, so I didnt bring it up. He apologized for not calling after the game.

Today he told me was interviewing for a job in our home town that he was really interested in. I am glad that he is at least thinking about his carreer. And, finally, I guess WH is still mad at his mother for leaving the message she left for OW on New Years Eve. They are still not talking. Other than that, everything seems status quo for the moment.

Well, my MIL called WH this evening. And when he didnt pick up she left a message, which was not pleasant. WH called me short while later, and was very grumpy. I am sure it had to do with the message she left. We didnt talk long.

My question to anyone is: While I do appreciate everything my MIL is doing for me, will her present relationship with WH lessen the effect of my plan A? They used to be very close.

I don't think there's a problem with your MIL's interactions with her son. That's there business..

What is the effect of her on you, Stella?

Are her reports back to you beneficial for you?

I think that's what you need to ask yourself.

PLAN A is about you..it's YOUR PLAN..not hers...not your WH'S....

Get it?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I messed up today today! After doing a great plan A, with no relationship talk, I derailed.

WH and I have talking alot lately. But, the anxiety of the whole situation caught up with me today. I couldnt stand not knowing what his future career plans are, and if he had any plans of discussing them with me. We are both done in 6 months and it would be nice to know if we are are planning to be in the same city, so I can decide which offers I should consider or not. Anyway, he said he thought I knew that we should be in the same city. I asked him how I was supposed to know that. And from there it went downhill. He started getting angry and saying things like we should never have gotten married, and that he didnt know if things would work out, and that he would like for them to, but wasnt sure. I told him that in order for our marriage to work, he needed to end the A, and never see or talk to her. He then said he would call me later.

I was calm the whole time. We were doing so well,....he was calling, and we were talking like old times. Now I feel like I messed up the progress we made.

ok, Stella, what did you do wrong here? I am not seeing what you did wrong.

I'm not seeing what you did wrong either, Stella.

You have to PLAN for your job.

It's going to be fine.

In your next conversation, proceed with assuming he will be looking in your same city.

This will be a rollercoaster..

Unfortunately, he was probably providing an excuse for himself to see her...a justification to get a fix...

I felt like I pressured him, and that got his feathers all ruffled up.

Thanks for the reassurance, though. I needed that.

Pressure is ok, Stella. You don't have to walk around on egg shells.

I agree with Mel.

You want to gain and maintain his RESPECT for you. He, thereby, experiences you as being valuable.

The main thing is not to give up in reaction to his angry outbursts.

That's what the EVIL FORCES..especially the OW..want you to do right now..GIVE UP AND LET HER HAVE HIM...YUK....

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This is so incredibly difficult...being so far apart doesnt make it any easier. After a few good weeks of calling, texting, and emailing, WH has again become distant. He doesnt call anymore...I am now doing all of the calling. I feel so sad today....

Stella:

How is the job hunting going?

Any formal offers yet?

Lem

When is your next visit to him planned?

Lemmonman,

I have decided to stay in academics, and am close to accepting a faculty position.

Mimi,

Not until next weekend.

Congratulations. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

You are to be commended for your achievemtents in this life.

Getting accepted to medical school, getting accepted to a Dermatology residency (far harder), and becoming an academic dermatologist are very impressive feats.

While you struggle with the difficult and painful marriage issues, you need to take a breather and give yourself one hel* of a pat on the back. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

What University? Is your WH applying to the same institution? (I fully understand if you do not want to reveal that personal information).

Lem

Lem,

Thanks for understanding, but I would rather not say which university. I will say I will be in Texas.....

As far as WH, he is looking in the same city, but in private practice. He just started his job search, so who knows....

Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes I am so angry at WH for robbing of my joy at a time when I should be happy for everything.

Yeah, I figured that.

I understand completely you not wanting to reveal which University.

Once again, congratulations.

Lem

You guys were right about this being a rollercoaster.Although, I didnt hear from WH yesterday, he called early this morning around 3 AM, and called several times after that. Obviously I was sleeping, and didnt answer the phone until 10 AM. After I saw how many times he had called, I thought something bad may have happened. But, he said he was calling to say hello. I dont know what is going on in his world...I can only speculate. I didnt question him either.

As horrible as I have felt for past few days, I feel that much better today.

(((((Stella))))) Keep your seatbelt on. The ride goes on. You are doing great. Keep hanging on.

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