I had an affair on my wife over a year ago. I came clean 100%, it was a one time thing, buy i was over run with guilt. I felt so bad and I came clean for the sake of my sanity. Plus I love my wife very much and felt like she should know. I cheated on her with a co worker. we have completly cut ties and I have no contact with her. I cheated on her because everytime i would try to be intimate with her, there would always be an excuse which would turn into a fight. THis happened over and over and over for the length of our marriage. I always threatened to go out and cheat. I finally did. Now 6 months has gone by since d day and I am glad that I told her. I think our marriage has come a long way since then. We are more open with each other. I have expirienced a ton of guilt.

Back in September, she went to her high school reunion. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now, I think she may have retaliated. After the reunion, she admitted that she was drunk and made out with one of her female friends. This did not bother me at all, the only comment I had was that I wished I was there. About a week after the reunion, I happended to stumble upon some emails that she wrote to her friend talking about some "bad pictures" that were supposedly taken from the reuinion. She wanted to email them to my wife, but she was afraid that some of them I would be mad about. She specifically mentioned a mans name. I confronted her on my findings and she insists that nothing happened, just lots of flirting. Then about 2 months later, I find some more info from a different friends email saying that the group from the reuinion wants to get together again and that "my wife would be all over that meaning 'bob'". I confronted her again and she swears that nothing happened. I want to believer her so bad, but I just can't stop myself from thinking something happened. I gave her many chances to come clean, but she still insists that nothing happened.

Am I just feeling guilty, or do I have reason to believe something did in fact happen? I can't confront her again since I have already 2x. We have 2 kids and I just want to move forward, but I am having trouble forgiving myself.

So what do you think?

You're in a tough spot, because you have little evidence.

Outside of this situation, how are things in the marriage? Even if she's not having an PA, she may be having an EA, and people in the fog do weird stuff.

It sounds to me as if you are almost hoping that your wife DID cheat on you, so it would make you feel better. You need some counseling (either individual or MC) to help you forgive yourself so that you can move on. You might start by thinking about why you blame your wife for your actions:


Cheating didn't solve anything, did it? To blame your decision to "go out and cheat" on your wife may be part of the reason that you are now looking for "evidence" that she has done something wrong. People don't just "stumble" on emails -- you've got to be looking for the "dirt". I think that you and your wife are seriously lacking in the communication department, and if you don't start really communicating about your individual and collective needs, you won't move forward.