Hi everyone.I've held on to this lifeline for almost two years,and wouldnt have made it this far without feeling "connected" to you guys.Thanks for that.Brief history,my wife and I are 42,married 25 yrs. 2 kids,D-22(married)S-14.My wife has had 2 affairs ,and I suspect 3 but no proof,all with her child hood sweetheart.We almost divorced the last time,but decided to try and save us.Without going into a long boring story,the long and short of it is that we are still together.Christmas day 2 years ago she dropped the bomb on me,hasnt loved me in years,needed space,and so on.I just thought the stress of opening a franchise and the holidays were getting to her.Wrong!Daughter finally told me she was seeing someone,and that she had told daghter the house wasnt big enough for 2 women when my daughter caught her on the phone with him...then I find out that she had transfered ALL the vehicle titles to her name,all the realestate,all the property leasehold,and had taken almost all of my operating capital out of my (joint)account.$120,000 over 14 months.Then I was out on my butt.Lot more,but really doesnt matter at this point.What does matter is this...about 3 months into seperation,she wants me back.I had found this site,so I laid out some boundries to come back.No Contact was first.Second was open honesty.Third was counciling.A few months into "recovory" I learn that contact is still going on,and she wasnt the one that informed me.When confronted,Which in of itself how I found out is an intresting story,anyway,I asked why she hadnt told me.The response was that she only promised me that because I made her.She also swapped cell phones to a trac phone so that there are no records of anything.Still no counciling either.A few more things,but to me these are the important ones.Now,(almost finished guys!)in sept. I decided that i've waited long enough,and told her that I was going to file.Sept and oct followed w/several heated discussions,but then all of a sudden she is acting like the woman I married again.Only better.I made it very clear in the begining that n/c wasnt negotiable w/ me,yet she still refuses to write one,and trust is totally broken,but she still refuses to throw away the trac phone.Can this ever work out,or am I being made a fool of again?Sorry so long,but thanks for your help.

Hi,

I am no good at these things but seems like you are working on logic. I would say, stick to your plans and points but do not file for divorce. She is the one who needs it so let her do the dirty work.

No. Her actions [refusals] do not match her words. You are correct when you said that she is 'acting' like the woman you married, but that's all it is, acting. Until she willingly commits to becoming an open book and accountable to you, then you cannot afford to trust her. BTW has returned all the marital assets she took and put in her name? If not, then you've got more reasons for not trusting her and move forward with a divorce.

TMCM