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Quick summary...wife had an affair about 1 1/2 yrs. ago, we decided to work through it and then about 1 yr. later, out of the blue she doesn't want to be married anymore. Another guy? I think so. She has a problem, won't really deal with it. So this is 2 affairs on me and I know I should probably be relieved I am not with someone like that, but....
I loved her with all my heart and I am normally really good at moving on, but I can't. Counselor says I am normal and takes time, but it is driving me nuts knowing she can just move on like that. It's consuming me.
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Hi osuguy,
So, she is not with you now?
-AD
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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We are seperated and the papers are at the lawyer just awaiting our signatures. I have been gone for about 4 months.
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No kids, Right?
Oops - look at the time! Sorry, I hope you stick around and get some discussion going on your case. Monday morning there are always a large number of people here. Just keep your story on this one thread and if it drifts off of the first page, bump it up (by posting to it), until you get some responses.
Good night!
-AD
Last edited by _AD_; 12/12/05 01:05 AM.
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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Wow! 3 Kids?!
And you moved out!?
Move back in!
Get MortarMan on your case. Just edit your thread title - and add his name. He's been in your shoes - and won custody of his kids - and got his wife back too, if I recall correctly.
And now, I'm really going to sleep.
-AD
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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wow, that sounds great. She has been so hateful and spiteful towards me (which is a whole new thread) it was easier for me to leave because I didn't want the kids exposed to that. I see them everyday when she is at work. She has been nasty towards me like I did something. I'm not even sure with the damage she has done and how she has handled the situation if I could even take her back. She is not the person I thought she was. Her whole personality has changed. She hardly ever cussed and now it is part of conversation for her now and little things like that.
Thanks for staying up to answer though...you guys are great.
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Move back home NOW.
She'll get upset, but who cares. You have much more to lose by staying away. If she wants to separate she can move out...WITHOUT THE KIDS.
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A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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Well, I found out there is a new OM other than the one from a year ago and I asked her about it which just enraged her. I told her I would not sign the papers until she talked and she still refused and just threatened to change the locks. I told her I didn't think she could considering I still had things in there and paying the house payment. But then I was coreected by her lawyer who I asked about it. I love the no-fault states...I think that is a HUGE mistake. An affair shows character (or lack there of ).
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You are not divorced. You have every right to be in the house, regardless of what HER attorney might be trying to tell you to manipulate you.
BUT, you moving out of the house IS "abandonment," so get your tail home pronto.
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I have heard that, but my cousins wife left him and then when she decided she wanted the kids back, the courts ripped them right away. But I will talk to her about coming home.
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I am worried though. She picks fights (since she is with new OM) nad it makes for a very bad situation for the kids to witness. She has lost all concept of being civil for the kids due to being lost in her own selfishness. And emotionally it is so hard to see her when I love her the way I do and know she has nothing left for me. Why another OM?!? Why not me? I don't understand, neither do our families.
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All the talk and thoughts in the world will not do one thing for you. You need to do two things ASAP.
Firstly, get your own lawyer. Do not rely on what WW or WW's lawyer tells you. You need counsel from your own lawyer.
Secondly, move back home NOW. Do not warn her before you do it. You need to just do it.
Stop making excuses. Do what you need to do.
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Are you in Columbus? Sounds like we are in a similar situation, with some differences. I'm still living with my WW. She claims the affair is over, but she is still working with him. She's hateful and has changed completely. Says she isn't "in love" with me anymore, but still loves me. She won't commit to the marriage, but she won't leave either.
I don't have much to add other than you aren't alone. I have one daughter, which keeps me from leaving and filing. I'm in Columbus.
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Thank you UVA. I need the pep talk. I am so worn down I am not functioning.
But what do I do next? She has signed the papers and wants me to sign them tomorrow. The terms are very amicable at this point and if I don't then things might be even worse. She does NOT want to work it out. Is it better to let it go?
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No don't sign anyghing until your lawyer has seen them. I am in the legal field and one thing I learned is that you always need your own lawyer when dealing with legal affairs. Never rely on the purported goodwill of others in these situations.
Second, you don't want to make it easy for her to leave you. So don't sign anything and don't give up.
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What should you do now?
1. You need to move back home.
2. Confirm the current affair through investigation.
3. Get a lawyer.
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Note that it very hard to Plan A if you are not at home. You will also need to expose soon.
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Thank you all for your help. I find myself phylosophizing on if I should force her to stay. Things have gotten heated and she seems very resentful towards me for whatever her reasons. Is this normal?
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