I have been married for 5 years and I love my husband but he has some problems well we both do but he likes to show himdelf to other women if you know what I mean! It is hard on me because I know a different man than the one I hear about I have found womens phone number and letters they have written to him about how wonderful he is and when I confront him he says that they are not his but a friends be takes pictures of himself and shows them to people when I hear of it or find them he lies about that as well. He leaves the house for long periods of time to come home and be in a good mood. He sneaks around our home I have become a P.I. and I have put records in the car and had people follow him and still the same thing he denies it all. He is up late at night on the phone talking to all kinds of people I walk in the room he hangs up and deletes the numbers. I find long distance phones on the bill and he says they are bill collectors It is like I am dumb or something. The people next door called the police one day because he was outside flashing people as they drove passed our house come on now this is sick he won't get help the problem is me he says that I and everyone else is making this stuff up and that we are out to get him. He tells people he is a stripper and that he is not married I call these women and talk to them and tell them the truth. He has come home with scratches on his back and marks on his neck. He smell of sex and he just denies it all I am so mad he won't leave and I am not leaving my home I paid for for him to live here and live free which he don't work now. we don't talk when we r home we just live together it feels like he in one room and me in the other sex is just that only when he wants it and it is so bad I get madder. is there any help in this mess I am in ? there is so muc more going on that I can't even remember right now I just need to talk to someone and vent I stay in this house and read ost of the time If I leave ome then he is outside flashing if I stay home he is sneaking around but he just won't open up to no one he stays to himself and does these evil things against himself, me and God. how can one call themselves God like and do these unGodly thing? He drinks so much he is getting sick now and won't go to the doctor to get checked out. And me i have feelings for someone else now but I want my marriage to be better the other man left his wife because he says he loves and want to be with me I can't do it. and he is a great man, hard working and is everything my husband is not or could be. I have known him for5 years we met right after my husbands first affair hit the light of day and this guy knew about it before I did small towns talk believe me everyday it was something new about my husband I heard and I found someone to talk to and so far that is it. But I have these feelings for him we spend some much time together these 5 years that he is a part of me I hear him calling me in the night which is funny because at those times he says he was thinking about me. when I get like that and can't get im out of my head he either calls or comes by. There is some kinda of a connection I cannot explain. It is so bad and I am so ashamed because I call out his name in my head and in whispers when I am making love to my husband. ( we have never gone there remind you ) but I can feel him all the time. please help! There are times I like things the way they are and just go on it keeps me going to know someone cares but I am wrong because I am married and I do love my husband and I have been honest and told him everything except that I call out the guys name and think of him like like. I pray and ask for the thoughts to go to away but they creep up on me and I fight them back down but I feel like I am going to explode because of all that is going on in me if anyone knows the feeling. I have cut off contact with this guy and it is still there waking up out my sleep because I feel him thinking about me. Please help is there help for a fallen marriage build on lies and love
You may choose only one

Well...

2 things you must do for yourself.

1. Stop having sex with your husband, you are putting your own life and health at risk.

2. Stop having an affair with another womans husband. A man who will betray his wife and leave his obligations 'for love' is no man at all..and will do the same thing to you.

Having an affair solves nothing and in fact makes things much worse for you.

Yes I know about the other mans problem but they have both moved on. Yes he may move onto someone else and that is ok I am trying to leave him alone thats the thing. He is stuck up in my head. it is not a physical thing at all it is the warmth of knowing someone else would want me after all I am going through in my marriage. And I don't like to have relations with my husband but if I don't it will make things worst don't you think?
Thank you for answering me I like that. I have not spoken to the other man in weeks butI can still feel him and then he calls and I don't answer the phone I have changed the number and he still gets it We moved out of stae so I can't jump up and see him which is good in some parts but the calling to me in my sleep is the killer I will jump up and it is like he was here or somethingI have never been through anything like this before. I used to think it was funny because we would both either be on our way to see each other or trying to call each. But now after4 years it is driving me crazy. To be touched in your sleep by someone who is over a 100 and some miles away. I pray everyday to let it andthese feelings go.

Dear ladychevy,

Hi. Your H and marriage doesn't sound good. I am concerned your H may be mentally ill, and alcoholic.
Your saying he is God like and doing ungodly things tells me he is mentally ill. Many mentally ill think they are God like.
And his being home is not healthy for you. You cannot reconcile or save your marriage, while he is drinking, going to strip clubs, affairs etc...

It's sound like you have done all the PI work you can do.
The only thing I can suggest for you to do is get all you know documented and have him out of the house as soon as possible if he is not willing to get help!

You will have to come up with a way legally to get him out.
I don't know if you can get an OOP (Order of Protection) from the court or not, based on the things he is doing. If you have things documented, such as his showing himself to neighbors (via police report), pictures, copies of phone records etc... it may help you. If you cannot afford a lawyer, you may be able to get a court appointed lawyer based on your income.

And please ladychevy... I know you are probably longing for someone to love you. But do not go to another man, that will not help matters for you.

AND DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR H!!!! YOUR H IS LIVING A DANGEROUS LIFESTYLE...SERIOUSLY. AND NOW EVERY TIME YOU HAVE HAD SEX WITH HIM YOU ARE AT HIGH RISK. YOU NEED TO GET ALL STD TEST DONE NOW!!

I bumped up my thread for for you...you will see it.
"The Reality of STD's Caused By Affairs."

Please read it.

Huggs and sympathy to you ladychevy,
Lady

And ladychevy, I cannot see withholding sex from your H as making things worse. It will be worse for you to have sex with him. I am getting really bad vibes as I read your sitch. I am frightened for you.

Has your H ever been diagnosed as mentally ill?

Lady

Thank you all for the help I will do as you say and see what happens I will be in touch.