***Hi all, This complete thread is over in General Question II, but I thought to put it here for those of you just finding out.***


Very sad update. H had ONS was back in Aug. with a prostitute. He admitted it immediately. We both went for STD tests at the Heath Dept. The ones they provide have all come back neg., but still awaiting the HIV second window period test that will be at the end of Dec.

A few days ago, my H said he had a referral to see a dermatologist for a "mole." I said, "a mole? Where?"
He said, "by my underwear." I didn't think anything of it until I visited the Heath Dept to get my first result of HIV back the next day. I told the clinician that my H says he has a mole by his underwear...she says are you sure it's not a genital wart? I asked her what is that. She told me.

Later that night I walked in the room as my H was getting ready for bed, I asked him if I could see the mole he was talking about. He showed me. It looked like a wart by his penis, near his groin. Then I asked if he had anything on his penis. He said, yes, and showed me. Notice... now one..went to two. I FREAKED OUT!!
I told him "those look like warts." He said, that is what he thought, but he said the HD told him in Sept they were not. (I'm sure they didn't know at that point, if he did ask???, as they were probably just starting, not identifiable). Notice...he didn't mention anything to me about this until now, almost 4 months later!! Maybe he really knew but wasn't telling me. I couldn't sleep I was so angry, while he still insisted they were moles or old age marks, that his Dr. told him that. I was up on the internet searching for pictures and all info I could. He would say things like "I hope it's not cancerous." I was boiling inside!!!

The next morning I was making calls to clinics and Dr's everywhere. We were told to come in together at our Dr's office as walkins. We did. I was fuming, crying, because I knew. The PA took one look and with in 10 seconds said those were warts! He also found another one. He diagnosed him with them, which means he not only has them but also HPV, for the rest of his life. HPV is what causes the warts. He will still see a dermatologist in a week. And from what I read, it can be terrible to have warts removed if they don't go away with medicine. And if they go away, he still carries the HPV forever. Generally once exposed to someone with HPV, it takes 3-4 months for any significant symptons such as warts. Not all get warts. It's been almost 4 months. He diagnosed me with HPV exposure.

I had never heard of HPV, and genital warts until now.
And it is not something that Dr's or clinic test for regularly like the other tests. This test has to be requested.

OMG, when I think of this, and the pictures I have seen of women with it, and what that prositute probably looked like, it makes me sick. Condoms can't even protect people from that virus, because it is caught by skin to skin contact of only the genital areas, not semen.

Now to... what am I gonna do. I was sexually abstinent from him from July on because of my female problems, prolapsed fibroid, which is why I think he got frustrated and went to the prostitute in Aug. Stupid, stupid stupid!!!! Then after that I remained abstinent with him, awaiting HIV and others STD tests, until one time Nov. 1st I slipped with him that one time. So...now I am scared!! I have had multiple internal exams preparing me for surgery at the end of Dec. and my Dr. has never mentioned seeing any lumps, bumps, warts or anything. But I am going to see him next Tuesday to talk to him about this.

Lemonman is a big advocate of STD testing immediately following infidelity....he is so right. It might be hard going without SF for 3-4 months (of which it takes the longest for HIV tests). And remember even a condom will not protect from everything. Many people carry HPV, and do not know it, unless warts show up.

Yesterday H was still very much in denial, today he is in shock..

I am in shock, so hurt and angry. Now what....??

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Because my H and I had a very active sex life, I didn't think waiting to have sex with him after I found out about his year long A made any sense. Whatever he had, I had been exposed.

None the less, I made him IMMEDIATELY go for testing as I learned that OW continued to sleep with other man while she was active with my H. He knew that and denies ever having sex with her without a condom. I don't believe him. But I have no proof and he tested negative for everything. I told him I would not humilate myself by having to take the test so he would. About 4 months later I went in for regular pap and asked to be tested for everything. It was so humilating having the nurse praticioner know I was married with a small child and say "Do you think you may have been exposed?" and I had to answer "yes". I wanted to die.

I am thankful our little promisicuous OW didn't have any diseases during the time she was screwing my H. She is probably riddled with them now. None the less, I'm glad I got tested, but hated having to do it.

Good luck

It is embarrassing to have to ask for the tests, but I can promise you that you are not the only one asking. I was so nervous I was shaking, but the doctor said I was the 3rd wife that week. The nurse said that it was very very common.

How sad is that?!
2

Godhelpme, thankfully you did the right thing, and everything turned out alright. It's double devastating when an STD comes along with the infidelity.

Today I saw my Gyno. First I saw the nurse, and cried. Then another one of my Dr. partners, and I cried. Then my Dr. came in and I cried. I was so embarrassed, hurt, and scared.
He told me I had no lesions (GW). I was relieved by that. It is a hard thing to talk about. The whole staff was so patient and very understanding. He told me I will have to forgive my H. I told him I have been working on that, but this has made it harder to do that. We are dealing with more of a problem now. I'm worried for my H.

Lady

Hi to all the newcomers, sorry to see you here. I understand your pain and devastatation. I have been there, and still am 4 1/2 months post D-day.

I just want you all to think about one more thing, if your S is cheating, and that is getting tested for STD's.

Please refrain from SF until you and your cheating partner are tested for STD's.

I have a thread over on General Questions II if you would like to refer there for more info on the Reality of STD's, The thread is filled with stories of people here on MB and thier spouses that have faced the 2nd devastation of an affair....an STD.

Don't think it can't happen to you.

Blessings, Lady

My husband came home from annual military training, we slept together as soon as he got home since it had been a few weeks since we had seen each other. I had no reason to suspect anything, I trusted him 110%. The next day the ow called exposing the affair- to late for me since I had already slept with him.
I had the worst emotional pain of my life finding about the PA, then the most physical pain of my life two weeks later when diagnosed with an severe initial outbreak of genital herpes that lasted almost two months. Not to mention the most embarrasment of my life ever going to the dr. to find this out. Dr. said he sees it everyday- how sad!
After all that we are still working on things. I think it is even harder to get thru when you have an std (thru no fault of your own)- a forever reminder of the infidelity.

Hi aljessie,

I'm sorry to hear of your H cheating, and now STD. Did he get herpes outbreak too?

I think it is much harder to get through also with an STD.
Every night my H has to apply his medicine to his GW is his reminder. It really makes me never want to have SF with him.

Lady

Lady,
Yes he did, a few days after I did. He had the PA Mon-Thurs of the second week he was gone then came home to me on that Friday. (he also had a few outbreaks in Iraq- I am sure the heat and sand felt good with that).
I found out about the A on Saturday eve.
If I would have known about the A or saw anything on him, I would have never done anything with him. Of course it is horrible that he had the A, but to also do it with no protection, how stupid and irresponsible!! I waited for months for her to call with news of a pregnancy as well-but that never happened- I think we are in the clear with that one anyways.
How about you, have you had anything show up or did the GW just affect your H?
I have a female friend of mine who cheated on her husband and also got the hpv that causes gw. She did not know until the gw showed up on her husband who had never had a partner other than her. Then they both had to go and get them taken off. THey have worked thru it too. It's crazy how much this kind of thing goes on. It is pretty scary out there. You kind of assume you are immune from stds when you are married-unfortunately one mistake and there can be a reminder for life.
AJ

Hi aljessie,


So he had the outbreaks and didn't tell you either and then had sex with you?



Yeah, I wouldn't have either. My H ONS was on 8-23, and the only time I had sex with him was Nov 1st after he went away for a few days when we were fighting, then came back, it was kind of a making up thing. I should have never done it (as we were awaiting all STD results at the time too). I didn't look at him down there at the time, so I had no idea. I'm sure he had them at that time though, but was not telling me, because by the time last month when I did find out about the GW on him, they were very grown out. I could tell they had been there for quite a while.


I had a lump appear on me last Monday, on the inside of my upper thigh near my genitals. I was freaking!
I couln't tell if it was a GW or a pimple. I did an experiment. I began using my sons baby wipes (with aloe unscented) and taking Echinecea (2 a day). And I drank 2 cups of pau d' arco tea a day. It is going away and almost gone, so I think it was a pimple or cyst maybe because pus came out (sorry for the graphics). But I don't think pus comes out of a GW. Thats all I have had so far.

So true.

Lady

Bump

ladysheep: If you get another bump, go to the GYN to get tested for GW and Herpes. If it is Herpes, it may not show up on test unless you have a current break-out.

I found out that my husband is having an affair. Here I am due with our 3rd child any day now. I broke down in the doctor's office. It was so embarrasing to be tested for all the STD's. Everything came up normal, but it makes me so angry that I even have to think about that.

Good morning indistress,

I'm so sorry to hear about your H affair. I do know your pain <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> And a 3rd child on the way.
My DS16 dad cheated on me in my last trimester too. We were taking lamas classes preparing to have him, and then he cheated. One of my friends ended up coaching me to deliver him. It was a very difficult time. But we made it through. I hope you have others to support you, family, friends and all. You will need them more than ever now.

It's good you got the STD checks. And thankfully everything is normal.

When is the baby due, and how old are your other children?



Blessings,
Lady

Bump for importance.

AND

To all you lurkers out there. I lurked for awhile in May of 2005 when I was going through what you are likely going through right now. I did not start posting until the affair was over and we had started recovery. In fact, my wife posted first. I have found being here rewarding and I credit Marriage Builders for saving my marriage.

The reason I did not post was I really thought I could glean enough information by reading the other threads to apply it to my situation without posting myself. It did work eventually; but, I know now I could have ended my wife's affair a few weeks earlier than actually occurred if I had posted my story and received specific applicable advice from the fine people here. A few weeks in the grand scheme of things means nada to me today, however, I bet a few weeks would mean a lot to you right now.

In conclusion, please come over to Infidelity - General Questions II (as it is the most active board available here) and post your story. The advice may start out slow but as you demonstrate your commitment to Marriage Builders and develope your story herein more and more regular posters will get involved...I promise.

Take control of your life....stop lurking and POST. You won't regret it.

Mr. Wondering