Over the weekend, my H sent me an email. This came after a week of me trying to email him and contact him by phone. In his email, he told me that he never wanted to work on the marriage, that his friends had talked him into "giving me a second chance." He told me to never contact him again, and if I did to expect no response. He said to expect divorce papers as soon as he establishes residency in our new state.

Background: No A or D-Day involved. We recently moved back to my home state - I moved two months prior to him. We are separated living in neighboring cities. He doesn't want me moving in with him.

I see no hope. I can't function. I've been crying nonstop all weekend. I can't concentrate on work. This morning, I felt as though it would just be easier for him if I were gone. This depression is crushing me. It would have been our first anniversary this Christmas. All I can think of was how happy I was last year to be starting our lives together. He has plans to whoop it up with friends over Christmas, then a long vacation to see his friends. This is a trip we normally took together. Now I'm stuck at home, visiting my elderly parents. No friends on NY eve. I just don't see how I'm going to get through the holidays.

Prana,

Have faith and belief girl. I know the feeling of not being able to concentrate at work, could not sleep, tired, cried ... you name it, I did it.

Notice how you feel when you know you H is whooping it up having fun? Yeah, you feel downright terrible. So, start doing things to make you feel happy, join a gym, a social club, make new frieds, read spiritual texts ... just DO (action here) something.

Over the weekend, while watching The Miracle Maker (aninmation about Jesus) This line struck me "There is PURPOSE in suffering. The suffering you are experiencing is to server a greater purpose ... to make you a better person, it will.

There is the story about the Island and the coral reef. Coral reefs are abundant in beauty and are the result of waves that move the water about and such on one part of the Island. Now on the other side of the Island where no waves hit ... it is normally the side that is dead. So, this suffering you are experiencing is to to create something beautiful in your life ...

If you cant deal with the pain, then hand it to a higer power than yourself. Rest assured it WILL be dealt with. Only if you BELIEVE.

OhNo,

Thank you for your kind words. Now I'm crying all over again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

It's so difficult for me to be put upon ... this is not my first marriage. My first divorce was so very painful, god, it was painful. I thought I'd never love again. Then my H finally came along, and it was like I met the man I'd always dreamed of. He restored my hope in love and marriage. Now, even before a year is out, he has dashed those same hopes. I feel incredibly doomed. I'm wondering why this had to happen to me ... twice ...

Others will come into your life to restore love and hope. You are never tested beyond your limits. The big guy above knows your limits better than you know yourself.

If you wish to cry, this is great. It is our bodies way of releasing unneeded energy. Your body knows what to do instictivly to function optimally ... crying is just a release of energy.

I sense that you turmoil is a result of you focusing inward about this situation ... may I suggest you focus outward and upward? It is a great relief and guess what, you focus outward and upward and you will be given a gift ... of a peaceful heart and mind.

My sister told me, lean into him in times of trouble and let him lead the way, for he is the way.

Prana, My first thought is to tell you to breathe, but given your screen name, I don't think you need me to tell you that.

We can help hold your hand during the dark times, but out of darkness will come growth and Light. Can you just hold on? Just stay alive. That's all you have to do during the darkest hours. It's survival. It stinks. I know. I've been there.

If you could give us more information, it would help. Why did his friends ask him to give you a second chance? Had you made a mistake that really upset your husband?

Why did you move back to your home state? How did he feel about hte move?

Finally how old are you and your husband? How long ago was your first marriage?

You've received good advice here, Prana, many/most of us have been there - some still are there.

It WILL get better.. and as suggested above, give your burdon over to God. It's hard... very hard to "Let go and let God" but the peace comes in giving yourself over to Him and ask him to guide you and give you strength. It's got me through the worst time in my life, and it's still hard but it's getting easier.

God has a plan for all of us - and this is a necessary part of your journey. All things happen for a reason, and while you may not understand this right now, there is some great joy down the road for you. Please just hang in there, stay busy, pamper yourself a bit, and cry if you need to, scream if you need to - and surround yourself with as much loving support as you can.

God and my friends and family have carried me through a pretty bad storm... lean on those whom you love and trust and give that burdon to God.

Peace

H2U

Psalm 23 states "Even thought I walk THROUGH the valley of the shawdow of death" ... and that is exactly what you are doing. Walking through it. It will come to pass and you will emerge on the other end, where light, love and beauty exist.

Reamain calm during this walk as you know you are being led through via a higher power.

You will emerge, you will survive and most importantly ... you will be a changed being.

Sorry to respond to you all so very late ... was having login difficulties from my home computer last night. Thank you all for the wonderful words of kindness ... I feel a little bit better today after having several long cries and a good night's sleep. It's been hard to sleep these days.

Greengables asked for background. This is tough. Shortly after my H and I married, we moved to a remote arctic town. He had a good job, I didn't. He transferred back to the states ... he sent me ahead of time, so I went back to my hometown (neighboring the town where we'd eventually be living) to work and relax and just detox. The arctic is ******. I signed on for a contract job that ends in December. H's transfer came through the end of Oct. I wanted to finish out my contract and then move to be with him mid-December. Part of why I was so unhappy (suicidal, actually) was that I didn't have a decent job and not making money in my field - there were just no jobs in the arctic. H told me that if I refused to quit my job (mid contract) and move with him immediately, he'd divorce me. I thought he had to be joking! What's two months, right? I hung onto my job and kept my sublet a couple of more months. But he wasn't joking. When he moved to the neighboring city, he refused to let me move in with him the end of Dec. Well, after he yo-yo'd back and forth, first saying that I could, I couldn't. I want you, no I don't want you, etc. In the meantime, I was spending copious amounts of $$ and work time traveling up there to be with him. We were intimate. We did husband-wife things. I thought everything was going to be fine. Then the weekend of Thanksgiving after what I thought was a wonderful and productive weekend, he told me that if I wanted to move to the neighboring city, he couldn't stop me, but he wanted a divorce. (?)

Every time I make a "wrong" move, he threatens me with divorce. I guess he finally decided to actually do it.

He has to wait six months to establish residency in the states to file. I could file in mid-January, but I don't think I should have to file for a divorce that I don't want.

Anyway, that's pretty much it. There were other problems that I was hoping we'd be able to work out in the interim, such as his drinking problem, and our lack of communication. Never did I ever once mention divorce to him - I just wanted what he wanted for himself; a smooth transition into a new city with a new job waiting.

And that's pretty much how it went down. Now he says he can't trust me, and how I've burned all my bridges with him, etc. I don't think that what I did was that bad. But maybe it was. Was it?

Tears lubricate the soul...it is good to cry.


No, what you did was not bad. Your husband kept threatning you with divorce - he sounds somewhat controlling to me. Threats of divorce do not resolve conflict. I have found that some people think marraiges are to be "perfect worlds" - well they aren't. It takes 2 dedicated people to make things work...

Prana, you are entering a very dark place that many of us have been to. It is a place of despair, hopelesness, lonliness and a feeling of being absolutely worthless. But you know what? Suddenly you will see a light emerge from that darkness, you will see hope. And when you walk out, your eyes will truly be opened to another world. I know, I have been there. I am still walking out of the darkness but I will make it out.

I am not telling you this to cheer you up... There is no cheering up someone in your situation. But I can offer you hope because better days are coming.