My wife and I have been separated over 3 years - this is the 4th Xmas coming up that we have been apart. We have been legally separated and divided the property but never divorced. My WW has never really made a genuine attempt at reconciliation and we both have been seeing other people. She has always told me to "go on with your life".

Today we had to meet in the lawyer's office to transfer property rights that had been agreed to during the property settlement and she was angry and hurt that I would remove her name from properties that we had accumulated during the marriage even after settling and agreeing to this over two years ago. I know that she has found out that the grass over the septic tank dies in the winter too. In other words I believe that she now sees that she is unable to "help" her drug addict boyfriend whom she left me for and now has to face the real world alone........at least this is what I have been told by her family.

In any event, why do I feel as though I am doing something wrong. The property had to be transferred to me so that I could get a loan and prevent foreclosure on the home my WW and I had purchased. I got into dire financial straits because of the settlement that she got, having to finish paying for our son's medical school education, lost income due to depression from the separation, and assuming the bills we had, even though I have to say most were mine, but she walked out on a very financially stable marriage. So why is it that I feel guilty.

First, are you certain the feeling you are experiencing is indeed guilt? I've observed that many people are prone to incorrectly labeling their feelings. Is it possible that instead of guilt, you are simply grieving (again) the loss of your wife and of your marriage? Or that you're simply feeling bad for your wife? Yes, she got herself into this bad place. But that doesn't mean you can't have compassion for her pain.

But if the feeling really is guilt, I'd attribute the feeling to one of two things (I'm going to be very vague here -- only you can say for certain which details of your life and relationship fit into this and which don't):

You feel inadequate in some way. Whether it's inadequate as a husband when your marriage was in place (maybe a feeling you buried but is resurfacing), or inadequate in your response to your wife's anger and hurt.

You feel that you have committed a wrong. The whole point in your email seems to be that you cannot identify what wrong you have committed. So if it's this one, I think you're going to have to do some personal digging and be real honest with yourself. I have no idea if you have committed a wrong or not -- I don't know you. YOu'll have to answer that one.