I have an almost overwhelming desire to send letters off to the OM's place of employment both warn (main reason) the women employees to beware of this predator and secondly to extract a bit of vengence. It would be annonamous ... even up here we have to worry about civil suites. I am really concerned that this evil being is going to work his way through the staff in his new office. I have meet 2 of the victims of his charms so far and they were both known to me before this all happened to me. Two 25+ year marriages gone for good and mine is still in doubt.
There isn't a lawyer out there who would say go ahead....except maybe one who wants money from me LOL.

Do any of any of you have feelings like this? He will never be in my face again, but somehow that doesn't justify my silence. I can't help but think it would just be the easy way out.

How about you and your W agreeing to go to HR and reveal the truth about this guy? The last thing most companies want is a class action lawsuit waiting to happen. They may not fire him on the spot but they will most likely let him know of their displeasure and that he will be observed for any future transgressions which will be considered as grounds for his immediate termination.

TMCM

I've thought of doing the same thing myself, seeing that the same thing is happening in my FWW's office. I've only stopped myself because this is a small chauvinistic community, and my FWW and the other W in the office are likely to be far more embarrassed and shamed if I exposed the OM's activities.

Ah, for the old days and the old ways, where a suitable punishment for his behaviour would have been a poultice of quicklime applied to his nuts...

I am glad I got your attention TMCM.

Interestingly enough, I went to HR alone several months ago prior to R with WW. HR was surprised that none of this info was in his CV, nor are they feeling very happy with themselves for not digging any deeper into his references. Now adays, companies just want to get rid of bad apples and if a good reference will do it, so much the better.
He will always be watched now but this won't give any of his coworkers a heads up on what this dud is really like. I am worried about the people he works with. He is so dangerous!!
Yes it takes two to tango and he has very willing partners but it's just a scam. The wreakage is in his wake. I know of several women who have been a party to this.
This will make you laugh.....last year I posted a picture of a look a like on an internet dating service and had a caption "Do you know me?" I talked to respondents (16) and 12 of them had been approached by him and 10 had been intimate. The same time he was with WW. The site pulled the ad within a couple of weeks. I wonder how many there really were?

Have you and your WW been fully tested for STDs?

Since OM seems to be prolific with getting together with married women, I would seriously check into that, provided you have not already done so.

You know, I can totally relate to your want for revenge. My FWH still works with OW (he is looking for a new job) and she has moved on to fresh meat. My FWH was just 1 of 4 and the office isn't that big!

Sad part is, everyone KNOWS, but it's talked about as "rumor" not fact. The only one that is fact is the A with my H, because of exposure and because my FWH has "manned up" and taken responsibility for what happened. At the last company trip, one of OW's previous (possibly current) targets even went so far to tell another man that he should "take one for the team...everyone has done it..except (FWH) messed up and got caught..." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

On one hand, OW has made a pathetic little life for herself especially if the guys are talking about her like that and karma will come around to demand payment sooner or later, but on the other hand, how many marriages will be ruined until then?

There is a company Christmas dinner coming up this weekend and her latest conquest will be there with his new wife (been married 1 year, no kids). She spent the night with him last month while they were out of town (when that last comment was made to the group). It is like the elephant in the room that no one talks about.

I keep trying to decide if I should say anything to this man's wife. My FWH doesn't want me to. He says it's none of our business and will only make things more difficult for him at work. I would like to say something only because I've been there and I would have liked to have known. However, I want to be taken seriously and not just as the woman who's husband cheated on her with OW and is bitter about it so I'm warning all the wives.

It's a difficult decision to make. My FWH and I are recovering and he already is aware this dinner will be a difficult one for me. We've talked about it and we've talked about how to handle possible situations so I'm feeling more confident about going. If I say something to this other man's wife I could really stir up a hornet's nest and create problems for us that we don't need.

Ultimately, I'll probably just play the cool, confident wife and say nothing. I know that karma does come around and collect it's debts. I've had to pay dearly myself. The only thing I can hope for is to be able to know that it happened to the OW.

How about spreading rumors and saying I heard they may be more fact thatn fiction. Or comparing things in office to one of the new shows -deperate housewwives.

Once when I was very young and worked at an office I fell to the charsm of one office guy one night. I came into work the next am and alot of women were waiting at the front door for me. You can imagine how imbarrassed I was. So when I went inside the ladies awaited. I told them to go into the ladies room which they ran to. I went inside where they asked me right off how he was in bed. Can you imagine how red my face was. He had told everyone. So I told them infine detail about how horrid he was and how underdevolped he was and how quick it was over. I did get the last laugh but learned at a veryy young age to never sleep with anyone I worked with. Never happened again. and never will. Maybe someone could start that rumor out at the office.

That is great. Imagine if your W chose this method of warning other women, then his Lothario days would be over and he would have to go somewhere else to work in order to practice his 'trade'.

TMCM

I talked to a friend (a cop) 10 minutes ago about this. He verified what I already feel. If, with a clear conscience you can say, "I did it to warn other women about what he's like, then go ahead" If it's strictly to see him suffer then don't do it.
I never did have any contact with him when he was OM even though I knew him well. I'm a realtor and helped him find a place to live when he came to my city. Worked with WW as a manager. Now he has moved away to another City and is out of pur lives but I still have this nagging thought that won't go away that I should do something to maybe prevent someone falling for him. HE IS SO BELIEVABLE !!!!!
YES everyone makes a decision before they hop into bed but most of us like to think we would at least have an exclusive relationship even if it was a short one.

I was tested as soon as I found out about the A a year ago and WW has been tested twice.

But I would like to see him suffer at least small percentage of what I and WW have. W was suicidal....she was stopped in time. Had she been successful, I'd not be so charitable towards him.

bbrriiaann,

What are the odds that OM's bedhopping will result in him contracting an STD? Pretty high, right?

What are the odds that one day after having sex with another married woman, he is going to encounter an angry H who is going to put a bullet through his head? Pretty hight, right?

The point I'm trying to make is that the OM is playing Russian roulette and it is only a matter of time before his luck runs out.

He'll get his coming. Trust me on this one.

TMCM

Why don't you admit the truth to yourself? The REAL reason you want to warn these women has much more to do with revenge than with what happens to them. Your own words point that out. You WANT him to suffer.

Why don't you quit beating around the bush and CONFRONT HIM PERSONALLY?

I believe the only person that this is hurting is YOU. The other women at work ALREADY know how this man is. I will BET that his reputation has been around the office for quite a long time. People ALWAYS talk and gossip in an office atmosphere. You are only fooling yourself if you think you are giving these women some knowledge that they don't already know or have not already heard. You are opening yourself up to a big can of worms if you don't consider what you are really doing here.

Don't do this to yourself... Admit that it is REVENGE that you want. Then, confront him face to face and man to man. If not, then move on and quit letting this eat at you.

that couldnt be said any better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

what do u guys recomend sending to om job the xw coworker wheres she still works.that ruin my family. and still having fun doing it

I think a good rule for whether to send a letter is not to send one you aren't willing to sign with your name. I know I would not pay attention to an anonymous note (actually, I wouldn't open it), and I think a lot of other people wouldn't, either. One thing sensible people do in deciding whether to trust what they are being told is to evaluate the source, and if the source is unknown, they can't do that.

Intersting turn this is taking.
I got back from talking with a friend who has helped me through the past year.
Initially she was all for this. Now she thinks that any woman who is dumb enough to get manuvered into this guys bed, had it coming. I'm a bit surprised at her actually. This man gets his pleasure by causing pain to his victims. I keep wondering if I can't maybe spare some of them this ordeal by warning them in advance. Silly me. I wish WW had been sent a letter. It would have at least had her on her guard.

On her guard against what, Brian? Should she have been on her guard against this particular guy or adultery? There is a difference.

Not to say she wasn’t involved with a player. But she knew what she was doing. No one held a gun to her head. There was one more person in the A besides this guy, you know.

I know you can color warning OM’s current coworkers about his proclivities as altruistic. But, the title to your thread says that really isn’t your motivation. So be careful. Don’t hurt yourself. He deserves whatever you can do to him but remember, for every action there is a reaction. You will hurt yourself, your own ethics, if you are not totally above board in whatever action you take, or do not take for that matter.

I admit this brand of revenge is tough question, though. I had to sort this same problem out in the months after DDay 2. I could have gotten OM fired. But his wife and children would have been collateral damage. I decided against it unless NC was broken. But I sure let him (and FWW) know what I would do if they did break NC.

Just do your best in all these recovery tasks Brian. God will eventually sort it out for you.

With prayers,

I have spent a lot of time coming to grips with my feelings. I tend to think before I pull the trigger.
Thankyou all for your insight.
His new co workers will get to figure him out on their own without any help from me. It all keeps coming back to "good people do bad things" and part of me would like to warn those close to him. Maybe a bolt of lightning....

I think you are making the right decision, Brian.

Player OM dude is out of the picture. Let him stay out.

with prayers,

Regarding FWW's guard, again. She really needs to explain to you why she did not say no, regardless of who or what OM is, was, did or ever said.

It was her job to guard her heart, period. She must explain why she didn't and and demonstrate how she now will for the rest of her life.

too bad someone couldn't "accidentally" or anonymously email his positive STD test results (a photoshop creation) to everyone in the office. With the subject line: "hope you didn't get exposed..." in addition to GC or Chlam. I would use an incurable one like HSV... Oh did I say that out loud???